Hello everyone!
After almost a year in a fumbling poly relationship with my boyfriend, it just now occurred to me to look for a little support. It might take me a little while to figure out this forum's culture so please forgive me if I make any booboos but I'll do my best!
For a long time, I had issues with cheating in my relationships. I was always in love with everyone in didn't understand why I couldn't just love (in the verb sense) everyone! The idea of polyamory actually being a thing wasn't even in my mind, so I would shift in and out of dozens of relationships, always wondering what was wrong with me that I couldn't just get one single monogamous relationship right. I had one short-lived successful relationship involving a long-term boyfriend and his friend who just sort of drifted into our relationship. We were wonderfully happy together but things ended due to events that weren't anyone's fault.
When I met the man I'm currently with, he mentioned that he desired a sexually open relationship for his own reasons, mostly due to a sexual fetish. At the time, he hadn't gone into it too much so I had no reason to suspect that he was suppressing a number of negative emotions. I thought things were perfect. We were very much in love and he made (and still makes!) me incredibly happy. I most certainly see him as the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, no doubt. I had recently accepted the idea that most people in my life both lover and friend would come and go and that very few people would be permanent. He agreed with this, and seemed to have few issues with the men who came and went from my life.
More recently, he's come out to tell me that he really resented the emotional connections I formed with the other people. He wishes I would just "fuck other random guys" instead. The thought of that makes me squirm. I love to feel close with people, especially those that I make love to. Anything else just feels...strange. I've come to realize that he actually has a really unhealthy relationship with sex and a very skewed idea of polyamory.
So I guess, after that whole rant, I'm just here to try to help us find a balance between what I desire and what he needs. There's a lot more to it that what I've said here, but I'm willing to work through just about anything with this man.
I hope I find my answers here!
After almost a year in a fumbling poly relationship with my boyfriend, it just now occurred to me to look for a little support. It might take me a little while to figure out this forum's culture so please forgive me if I make any booboos but I'll do my best!
For a long time, I had issues with cheating in my relationships. I was always in love with everyone in didn't understand why I couldn't just love (in the verb sense) everyone! The idea of polyamory actually being a thing wasn't even in my mind, so I would shift in and out of dozens of relationships, always wondering what was wrong with me that I couldn't just get one single monogamous relationship right. I had one short-lived successful relationship involving a long-term boyfriend and his friend who just sort of drifted into our relationship. We were wonderfully happy together but things ended due to events that weren't anyone's fault.
When I met the man I'm currently with, he mentioned that he desired a sexually open relationship for his own reasons, mostly due to a sexual fetish. At the time, he hadn't gone into it too much so I had no reason to suspect that he was suppressing a number of negative emotions. I thought things were perfect. We were very much in love and he made (and still makes!) me incredibly happy. I most certainly see him as the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, no doubt. I had recently accepted the idea that most people in my life both lover and friend would come and go and that very few people would be permanent. He agreed with this, and seemed to have few issues with the men who came and went from my life.
More recently, he's come out to tell me that he really resented the emotional connections I formed with the other people. He wishes I would just "fuck other random guys" instead. The thought of that makes me squirm. I love to feel close with people, especially those that I make love to. Anything else just feels...strange. I've come to realize that he actually has a really unhealthy relationship with sex and a very skewed idea of polyamory.
So I guess, after that whole rant, I'm just here to try to help us find a balance between what I desire and what he needs. There's a lot more to it that what I've said here, but I'm willing to work through just about anything with this man.
I hope I find my answers here!
