New relationship issue

A

awkwardisaster

New member
My husband and I are in our first poly triad. We have been together 10 years and married for 5. I grew up Catholic and was raised to believe that polyamory and gays were part of the devil's plan to get me into hell. *eye roll* I have known I was bisexual since the age of 12 but never accepted it until I was maybe 18(?) and even now as a 30 year old I'm not completely out of the closet to my family. I told my husband after us being together 3 years and recently within the last year that I felt strongly about being poly. I met my girlfriend about 2 months ago and things hit off great! I was up front with her about what my long term goal was and she was perfectly ok with it. She met my husband and they got along great. After a month I officially asked her to be my girlfriend. When her and my husband talked about their relationship they decided to not label it. We all agreed that she could see other guys as long as she was protected. Things have been great! until about 2 weeks ago... I started noticing that she initiates sex more often with him, sometimes on his lunch break when I'm not home, and also when I'm "asleep". Whenever I try to initiate anything physical I get no reaction. Lately she has been distant physically and I don't know what to do.
 
She may like him more.
She may not be into you.
She maybe a cowgirl looking to make off with your husband.
I could go on and on.

Basically my point is we are not able to read your girlfriends mind. Sit down have a grown up conversation with her about your relationship.
 
Thanks... I know that's what I need to do but I'm the type of person that will avoid any type of confrontation. Ugh! I hate adulting
 
Hi awkwardisaster,

Can you be okay with the possibility that she has fallen into love with your husband and out of love with you? It wouldn't be like a sinister plot, just something that happens to people. And she may be afraid to admit to you (or even herself) what has happened.

Could your husband continue to have this girlfriend, while you have another girlfriend? Something to think about.

I hope you guys can get it all worked out.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Until abiding trust & deep communication begin, it's not polyamory, just f@cking around.
________________
kdt26417 said:
fallen into love with your husband and out of love with you
Click to expand...
I feel there's possible confusion of "love" with NRE here.

Societal programming being what it is, I figure there's plenty of people who have no problems being in love with more than one, but kinda suck at properly maintaining multiple relatings when NRE strikes.
 
I'm wondering how and why she got involved with your husband when she was your girlfriend. You are aware that being poly and partnered does not require that someone be involved with both of you?

That being said, this scenario is very common.

It's kind of impossible and unreasonable to expect someone to have the same level of feelings for two people in a couple at the same time. Attractions and attachments wax and wane. It's only natural.

But mostly we see this happening when a couple presents the opportunity for a relationship as a package deal ONLY. So, if a person is really into just one of them, but only sorta-maybe into the other, yet is told the only way to get jiggy with the one that floats their boat is to be with both, they'll sign up for it. However, eventually they can't pretend anymore because trying to please two people when you really only want one of them is exhausting. It also happens a lot when the woman isn't really bi but only going along with it just to be with the guy.

Sorry, but there are a gazillion stories like yours on this board that happen because of what I just described. So, you need to have a heartfelt, truthful convo with both of them present ASAP. Ask her if she's not really attracted to you, or to women, and really only wanted a relationship with him. Talk to him about whether you can pursue relationships without getting him involved. The only way to get clear is to speak up.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top