New to same sex interactions

loveMTL

loveMTL

New member
Hi,

I've been seeing a married poly man for just over a month now. We are a good match in both personality and sexually. I've met his wife, and I am really attracted to her. I've had plenty of feelings for or been attracted to women in the past, but never felt safe, or that it was acceptable to act on those feelings. She has had lots of experience with women, and is not keen on being someone's "first." I've sent her an email (don't have her phone #) telling her that I like her and that I would like to go on a date. I'm very nervously waiting for a reply.

Could anyone recommend some good literature on gay/bisexual/pansexual dating and relationships? Does anyone has advice on how to proceed in same-sex relations within a polyamorous context?

Thanks!
 
I'd be happy to help, but I honestly don't think there are any differences. I'm dating a man and a woman now, and the relationships are different because the people are different, not because one is opposite-sex and one is same-sex. Yes, this will be new for you in some ways, but I also think you'll find that all the same guidelines apply about how to treat people and what to require in terms of how you're treated. People are people.
 
Thanks for the reply, AnnabelMore. Yes, when you put it like that, it's obvious and I feel a bit silly. I guess it's more a question of me realizing late in life that I want to explore feelings for women that I never felt able to up until now, and wanting some sort of guidance, because it's a bit overwhelming.

I've found that hearing about other people's experiences in polyamory has really helped me understand some concepts and formulate my own thoughts and feelings on certain issues, and as a result it has opened me up to feeling comfortable with pursuing my ideal lifestyle. It can be reassuring when you know others can relate to how you're feeling. It would be beneficial to me, I think, to read, or hear about other people who explored their sexuality later in life, as opposed to knowing their preference at an early age. How do you identify (your sexual preference) and how/when did you know it?
 
I was so thrilled to discover, my senior year in high school, that girls were even an option. :) That's not really late in life, but I had been boy-crazy since about 7 years of age. so it was a bit of a surprise.

For me, dating someone new always turns me into an awkward teenager again. That's part of why it's fun.

I "passed" in the lesbian community for about 10 years (and two girlfriends). I didn't lie if it came up that I was bisexual, but I never brought it up on purpose. I believe there is still some stigma; a lot of lesbians don't want to be bothered. Obviously, that's a different issue for your boyfriend's wife. The woman who was my first was only hot for me because she was my first. Actually, it was the only-one night stand I ever had that is a pleasant enough memory for me. She chased me for weeks. The thing that made it the most different from one-night stands with boys was that she called me the next day to ask how I was doing. I found that to be an incredibly sweet gesture. I felt very cared for, even though we were both very clear it was nothing more than what it was.

I understand that knowing others poly experiences helped you; I would just offer a caution. Sometimes people tell horror stories. Those aren't very helpful to what you need to know. I have, more than once, allowed others' stories to cloud my judgment of what I knew was true. I worked up all kinds of fear in myself, even though I had no rationale. And of course, what I knew was true was how it turned out, and I had wasted all that adrenaline for nothing.

I would encourage you to not get to hung up on whether or not sex is going to happen. See if she has any attraction to you. Find out, take plenty of time to find out, if you two have anything to build a relationship on. Then worry about things like first and how.
 
When I was involved in my first relationship with another woman, I kinda fell into it. I was dating her husband, and the three of us had sex. She was bisexual. I started asking her a lot of questions. One day she came back from a friend's house with this book, one of the few books I've ever been loaned that I didn't want to return. I ended up buying my own copy.

A Straight Girl's Guide to Sleeping with Chicks

http://www.amazon.com/Straight-Girl...=straight+girls+guide+to+sleeping+with+chicks
 
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