I am about as new to this as one can get.
A lot of my own confusion came during my first marriage, because I was still very much in love (and still am) with a young woman I'd known since childhood. A tremendous amount of pressure and questions of right and wrong plagued me. I could not discuss it with my then wife because of her personal issues, so I wrangled with it alone and loved the other silently from a distance, taking on the role of "friend."
This turmoil had the effect of blinding me to a second connection that formed with my then wife's younger sister. Though we both felt it, neither of us acknowledged it, or even spoke of it for over 20 years. This attraction added to my confusion even more, as I kept my then wife's feelings under close consideration.
I was married to my first wife for 8 years. It ended with her leaving (a whole other story).
The two other women I loved had, in the interim, gotten married to men who abused them, terribly. I offered my support and advice to both, as I continued in the "friend" role I had settled for. Though the relationships were damaged on their own, I respected both women enough to not interfere and ruin their marriages.
My own confusion over loving two married women seemed almost overwhelming.
Years passed. I fell in love with and married my current wife, who was very supportive of me, and did not condemn me for my "friends," as my 1st wife had.
During a conversation with my childhood love, she introduced me to the idea that there was an entire culture of people who loved more than one person, and it was ok. I had a moment like a switch turned on in my mind, saying, "Oh, that's what I am. Thank God!" and I embraced the aspect of myself that I had denied for over 20 years because of societal constraints.
Not long after this discovery, on holiday last week, I was visiting the town where both of these women now lived. I was finally able to speak to my ex-wife's sister about the love I was holding for her. She had left her abusive husband and was pursuing divorce. She revealed to me that she shared that love for me. For the first time ever, I was able to kiss her, and hold her close to me. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
My current wife not only doesn't mind, but encourages me. She almost cried to see us, at last, together in love.
To this day, I have never kissed my childhood love. But our bond is of a deeper, more spiritual nature. She is poly, as well. We both know we love each other, and have acknowledged it.
I am not confused anymore. My wife, my new girlfriend and I are now exploring new sides to ourselves and the wonders of freely offered and received love.
I hope this inspires others to enjoy the gift of having the ability to love on a grander scale.
A lot of my own confusion came during my first marriage, because I was still very much in love (and still am) with a young woman I'd known since childhood. A tremendous amount of pressure and questions of right and wrong plagued me. I could not discuss it with my then wife because of her personal issues, so I wrangled with it alone and loved the other silently from a distance, taking on the role of "friend."
This turmoil had the effect of blinding me to a second connection that formed with my then wife's younger sister. Though we both felt it, neither of us acknowledged it, or even spoke of it for over 20 years. This attraction added to my confusion even more, as I kept my then wife's feelings under close consideration.
I was married to my first wife for 8 years. It ended with her leaving (a whole other story).
The two other women I loved had, in the interim, gotten married to men who abused them, terribly. I offered my support and advice to both, as I continued in the "friend" role I had settled for. Though the relationships were damaged on their own, I respected both women enough to not interfere and ruin their marriages.
My own confusion over loving two married women seemed almost overwhelming.
Years passed. I fell in love with and married my current wife, who was very supportive of me, and did not condemn me for my "friends," as my 1st wife had.
During a conversation with my childhood love, she introduced me to the idea that there was an entire culture of people who loved more than one person, and it was ok. I had a moment like a switch turned on in my mind, saying, "Oh, that's what I am. Thank God!" and I embraced the aspect of myself that I had denied for over 20 years because of societal constraints.
Not long after this discovery, on holiday last week, I was visiting the town where both of these women now lived. I was finally able to speak to my ex-wife's sister about the love I was holding for her. She had left her abusive husband and was pursuing divorce. She revealed to me that she shared that love for me. For the first time ever, I was able to kiss her, and hold her close to me. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders.
My current wife not only doesn't mind, but encourages me. She almost cried to see us, at last, together in love.
To this day, I have never kissed my childhood love. But our bond is of a deeper, more spiritual nature. She is poly, as well. We both know we love each other, and have acknowledged it.
I am not confused anymore. My wife, my new girlfriend and I are now exploring new sides to ourselves and the wonders of freely offered and received love.
I hope this inspires others to enjoy the gift of having the ability to love on a grander scale.
