OK Cupid advice

mistermaster

mistermaster

New member
Wow. Could I ever use some help. I'm fairly new to poly, and I'm fairly new to the city. Eager to make some connections. My OK cupid profile has gone through several edits because, as a man, I just don't know how to put it out there that I'm a decent, hard working, good looking fella who is looking for an open minded poly partner. I'm also interested in being someones second.
The impression I'm getting is that I can't be both decent and poly. Any thoughts, advice or insight would be greatly appreciated. Perhaps I'm looking in the wrong place. Thanks everyone.
 
Who says you can't be both decent and poly?

My advice is: write very clearly in your profile that you are poly and looking only for non-monogamous relationships. Also answer a bunch of poly-related questions and mark them as very important. Then, also tell the "decent" part of you in your profile. Open minded poly people will notice you more likely that way.

Those people who say that a poly guy can not be decent won't be partner or even friend material to you.
 
I would think I'd there are poly women out there that find you attractive and compatible then they will respond. I can't see that many (if any) monogamous women looking for a relationship responding, if you live in an area with very few poly women then chances are you aren't going to have much luck. Maybe try fetlife?
 
Be open and funny. Humor is very attractive. And write to women that interest you. But write a few sentences and be kind. I erase guys who just write "hi" , a "form" letter, or any sexual gesture in the first email.
 
Ask someone (preferably of the female persuasion) to take a look at it for you and tell you what they think. It's very easy to be so sure about what you know you're trying to say in a dating profile that you completely fail to actually say it.
 
I haven't done online dating in a few years, but these are my thoughts.

Honesty up front is always the best policy. But it will also limit the pool of potential dates greatly.

Sure...you can find plenty of people who are poly or poly-oriented on dating websites. But you will also find twice as many people that will see a huge red flag when they see the word "poly" in your profile.

For instance, I suspect some heterosexual non-poly women in their 30's that haven't had children yet will probably not even give you a chance after reading your profile, even if you are the best guy in the world (good job, good personality, good looks, etc.). This is especially true if they are seeking for a man with potential to start a traditional family. Anything "poly" in your profile will be too threatening no matter how many good qualities you have.

However...if you are fully honest up front, you will eventually find women that are looking for somebody like you. But expect to go through a few disappointments for a while. There's tons of open minded people in Ok Cupid; yet it is not a poly website. And if you go into a dating site in which you have to pay big money for a membership (eharmony, chemistry.com, etc) expect even more resistance with the poly thing. Many people that use those sites are seeking for traditional monogamy.

Of course...these are generalizations...but I might not hurt to consider that there are elements of truth in them.
 
Answer all the questions honestly and then search by match percentage. There are questions about open relationships, make their answers mandatory. People who are also open to open relationships will be in your high matches.
 
Re (from OP):
"I'm a decent, hard working, good looking fella who is looking for an open minded poly partner."
Click to expand...

Heck I'd put that in your profile word-for-word. Of course I'm a fellow fella though, so you should probably take my counsel with a grain of salt. :)
 
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