Online Profiles

G

GrowingTogether

New member
Well this certainly isn't the heaviest or most intellectual topic I've come across on this board, but it's one that perplexes me nonetheless.

My wife and I are slowly wading into open marriage. As much as I would like to make connections with other women organically, it seems like the online strategy is an efficient approach. At this point, though, we're intent on staying 'closeted' in our relationship status. There are a number of reasons for this, but my question boils down to this:

If I don't want to plaster my face all over my online profile, what should I do?

I would of course be willing to share pictures when the time is right, but having it out there for everyone to just happen across seems to put our closeted / baby steps strategy at risk.

Thanks in advance to any of you willing to offer your perspective.
 
Which site are you on? OKCupid offers the option for you to keep your profile visible only to people you send messages to, or so I understand from a married poly friend of mine. You should know, though, that you're already at a huge disadvantage, being a married poly man. Many poly women are leery of poly married men (for many reasons) and yes, it's an enormous double standard because married poly women are catnip to men in general. These are generalizations, of course, but meant to give you realistic expectations. Additionally, you're closeted and that presents an array of issues for poly people, men and women alike. Women on dating sites generally get a lot of offers and it seems that many men who are closeted (for whatever reason) don't realize what they're up against when they say that they will send photos on request. Why would a woman go out of her way to request photos when she has quite a few men already who are able and willing to show themselves right from the start? Sure, this strategy must work from time to time, but you should know that OKCupid is packed with men who don't want to show their faces, yet want to meet women - and there are very few women who are willing to or need to get involved with a man they cannot see.

It's much easier for closeted poly married women to find partners than for closeted poly married men, but men in your position certainly do find love. For online dating, OKCupid is the best place for you to be. The site attracts a wide variety of people and gives everyone the ability to see upfront who is into what subculture - something that off-line can't give and most other dating sites don't even get into. On OKCupid, you will be able to at least see who is open to non-monogamous relationships and who is not. We've discussed this topic many times here, so you'll find a lot more info in previous threads.
 
Last edited:
Hi GrowingTogether,

I've heard that some people use photos of themselves at a distance, so that their face is too small to be readily seen. You could upload photos of you doing something you enjoy, that way the photo gives some information without revealing your identity.

You do have to consider what FallenAngelina said though. Moving into poly while remaining hidden is hard to do.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top