vctorosorio
New member
Hello everybody. I will try to keep my long story short:
I met this guy and fell crazy in love. Jax is definitely my type, in all senses, plus (this is important) he is a long-time leather man, which is something I have been attracted to since my teens, and had decided I wanted to explore after ending my previous 5-year vanilla relationship.
I'm 26, Jax is 51.
We started dating and everything was going fine. There was just one thing. The first times, while having sex, he would not cum. Then later he would not even look for sex. He was definitely not wanting to share his kinky side with me. After four months in the relationship, sex, if if ever happened, was him trying to make me cum without him even having an erection. I did not want to put pressure on him because I know how harsh it can be on a man to have your sex capability questioned.
On the other hand, he was actually having some weird reactions with me: he was kind of a cold person sometimes, was very protective of his cellphone and intimacy, and would, for example, not want to sleep with me, after 7 days without seeing each other, because "he was tired." (We live in separate houses.)
First crash: I'm not dumb so I assumed he was cheating. And I wanted to explore an open relationship. So I proposed that and he was relieved and happy. He told me he did not want to know anything. I told him I wanted to know everything. He told me he had played while being with me, but we decided we should not discuss events before that conversation.
Second crash: after maybe 4 months, he was apparently not having sex with anybody. I asked him. Nothing, he said-- he was having no sex. But there were too many signs telling me that was not true. So I did something awful, in front of him, when he asked me to help him download an app on his phone, I checked his WhatsApp and found that at least the last 4 conversations he'd had were with guys agreeing to meet and fuck him. I told him about it. He said it was just a mental trip, not sex, just the desire of meeting people online. If they would ask for sex he would stop them there. The stupid thing is, he did not have to stop them! We have an open relationship! But he told me that.
Third crash: my mind kept running for some more months under these doubts, especially because sex between us was almost non-existent. To make it clear, in one and a half years of relationship, I have seen him cum 3 times. That started becoming an issue, so one day I exploded and told him I was getting depressed by all this, and I wanted to know the whole truth of what was going on in our relationship. After some hard talking, he confessed to me that I was not the kind of guy that got him horny. He even confessed he knew that from the first day we met. I was destroyed by this. He said it was not my looks but the fact I'm not as confident and free in bed as other guys with more experience.
He said he believes that might change some day.
I realized this was a hell of a place to be. I felt totally humiliated. My self-esteem fell to the ground. He then started crying, apparently so sad. He loves me, he said. That seems true to me. In fact, he acts in a lot of ways like he does love me.
We decided it to give a try. After all, we were in an open relationship, so if we were not sexually compatible, we could both look elsewhere without giving up the love we felt for each other.
Fourth crash: after some time, I discovered some nasty things. He was not being open about his sexual life, as it was intended in our relationship. He had told me he has never fucked a friend of his who he sometimes sees, which was not true. They fuck at least a couple of times a year, one of them very recently. He told me he stopped guys who wanted real sex. This was a lie. He told me he did not look up for guys in our city. Another lie.
This time I decided to end our relationship. I did it. Then I felt so bad. And he came back to me, asking me to help him change and overcome whatever defect he may have. I am so in love with him that I accepted that. I just asked him to be open and sincere; that is all I need.
The thing is, since this last episode (a few weeks ago) he has actually opened up to me in a very nice way. He has also been very romantic. But we are still missing on the sex.
I have been exploring my kinky side with other people. I love it, really love it. It is a shame knowing he has similar interests, but does not want to share them with me because I am "not that piggy" (his words) in bed.
He recently told me I have improved myself. I think that might be true. But he still does not get erections with me. He still tries to get me satisfied by making me cum, using his bare hands, nothing kinky at all.
I think it's hard to accept that he is not the type of the guy I'm in love with, who says he is in love with me. So I wanted to ventilate those things and hear some advice or thoughts from the people who may know first-hand.
Sorry for the long post.
I met this guy and fell crazy in love. Jax is definitely my type, in all senses, plus (this is important) he is a long-time leather man, which is something I have been attracted to since my teens, and had decided I wanted to explore after ending my previous 5-year vanilla relationship.
I'm 26, Jax is 51.
We started dating and everything was going fine. There was just one thing. The first times, while having sex, he would not cum. Then later he would not even look for sex. He was definitely not wanting to share his kinky side with me. After four months in the relationship, sex, if if ever happened, was him trying to make me cum without him even having an erection. I did not want to put pressure on him because I know how harsh it can be on a man to have your sex capability questioned.
On the other hand, he was actually having some weird reactions with me: he was kind of a cold person sometimes, was very protective of his cellphone and intimacy, and would, for example, not want to sleep with me, after 7 days without seeing each other, because "he was tired." (We live in separate houses.)
First crash: I'm not dumb so I assumed he was cheating. And I wanted to explore an open relationship. So I proposed that and he was relieved and happy. He told me he did not want to know anything. I told him I wanted to know everything. He told me he had played while being with me, but we decided we should not discuss events before that conversation.
Second crash: after maybe 4 months, he was apparently not having sex with anybody. I asked him. Nothing, he said-- he was having no sex. But there were too many signs telling me that was not true. So I did something awful, in front of him, when he asked me to help him download an app on his phone, I checked his WhatsApp and found that at least the last 4 conversations he'd had were with guys agreeing to meet and fuck him. I told him about it. He said it was just a mental trip, not sex, just the desire of meeting people online. If they would ask for sex he would stop them there. The stupid thing is, he did not have to stop them! We have an open relationship! But he told me that.
Third crash: my mind kept running for some more months under these doubts, especially because sex between us was almost non-existent. To make it clear, in one and a half years of relationship, I have seen him cum 3 times. That started becoming an issue, so one day I exploded and told him I was getting depressed by all this, and I wanted to know the whole truth of what was going on in our relationship. After some hard talking, he confessed to me that I was not the kind of guy that got him horny. He even confessed he knew that from the first day we met. I was destroyed by this. He said it was not my looks but the fact I'm not as confident and free in bed as other guys with more experience.
He said he believes that might change some day.
I realized this was a hell of a place to be. I felt totally humiliated. My self-esteem fell to the ground. He then started crying, apparently so sad. He loves me, he said. That seems true to me. In fact, he acts in a lot of ways like he does love me.
We decided it to give a try. After all, we were in an open relationship, so if we were not sexually compatible, we could both look elsewhere without giving up the love we felt for each other.
Fourth crash: after some time, I discovered some nasty things. He was not being open about his sexual life, as it was intended in our relationship. He had told me he has never fucked a friend of his who he sometimes sees, which was not true. They fuck at least a couple of times a year, one of them very recently. He told me he stopped guys who wanted real sex. This was a lie. He told me he did not look up for guys in our city. Another lie.
This time I decided to end our relationship. I did it. Then I felt so bad. And he came back to me, asking me to help him change and overcome whatever defect he may have. I am so in love with him that I accepted that. I just asked him to be open and sincere; that is all I need.
The thing is, since this last episode (a few weeks ago) he has actually opened up to me in a very nice way. He has also been very romantic. But we are still missing on the sex.
I have been exploring my kinky side with other people. I love it, really love it. It is a shame knowing he has similar interests, but does not want to share them with me because I am "not that piggy" (his words) in bed.
He recently told me I have improved myself. I think that might be true. But he still does not get erections with me. He still tries to get me satisfied by making me cum, using his bare hands, nothing kinky at all.
I think it's hard to accept that he is not the type of the guy I'm in love with, who says he is in love with me. So I wanted to ventilate those things and hear some advice or thoughts from the people who may know first-hand.
Sorry for the long post.
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But hey, it happens.