open relationship shall I try?

[Lina]

Hi there, need advice, I had a boyfriend who wanted an open relationship,(couples swap) he is jealous, but does not blame me, he broke up with me recently , and now he is back and forward, he said that by being free he can love me more, and I know that he goes with the flow, he wants to be free.
I felt attracted to some guys and had the desire to try this, but I am afraid of the experience and I am afraid of causing myself pain.

I want to give a try but not sure, now that I am single do not now what to do, he broke up because he felt that I was trying to work out things and I do not let things be! that is me in fact! I do this with my life! I want to be open to all and free myself, sexuality is one of the fields

 

[opalescent]

I'm having a little trouble following what happened. Boyfriend was jealous, broke up with you (because of jealousy?), then you two got back together? And are now broken up again but I'm not sure why?

He brought being open as a way to manage jealousy and that being 'free' would make him not jealous. Did I understand that right?

If I am right, I call bullshit. Just being open does nothing to help manage jealousy. There isn't anything wrong with being jealous. Happens to most people at some point. What helps with jealousy is being willing to do the emotional work of self-reflection and being responsible for managing one's own feelings - and NOT expecting others to manage your feelings for you. (You is generic - applies to everyone.)

Being open might be a good way for you to learn and experiment and see what works for you sexually. If you are now single, you can certainly do this on your own. Follow your instincts.

Also, I'm sorry to say it's impossible to avoid all pain in relationships. There will be pain. It is possible to avoid situations that are bad or harmful to us in some way. But there will always be disappointment, rejection, failure, and loss in relationships. The question is do we accept that some pain is inevitable and unavoidable and focus on the joys and growth we experience in relationships? Or do we shut down and miss out on those often painful possibilities?

 

[Lina]

Hi thank you for your words, If I understood it well, you are telling me that relationships can be painful some end some don't. enjoy what is there and grow.

My ex- broke up with me because I wanted more clarity, about everything, he felt forced to think and explain and he wanted to feel, one of the reasons that made me push him was the fact that is being always in touch with his ex business partner to talk about money etc and they had a little thing and she is clearly chasing him, plus he talks about her when I tell him that I don't want to hear. As far as Know an open relationship is not a triangule, despite this when I asked him he said that he feels nothing, and does not want her and I don't have to worrie about It, all that he wanted was an open relatonship, but he would talk to me first before had something with someone. I guess the open relationship was always seen by me with something with no commitment, and maybe he does not know what is all about.. and me too.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Lina,

I'm assuming you are definitely single at this point ... If so, you could definitely try some open relationships and see if it is a fit for you. Continue posting on this forum and we can give you ongoing advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[Nadya]

My ex- broke up with me because I wanted more clarity, about everything, he felt forced to think and explain

You are definitely better off without this guy. It is your right to want more clarity and in order for relationships to work there needs to be communication - even in a mono relationship and more in open or poly models! Yes, think and explain - basic relationship skills. Communication!

Keep reading this forum and you'll gain more knowledge about polyamorous relationships. Then you can decide whether that is something you want to try for yourself. Regardless of what you decide about your future relationship model, keep insisting on communication with your future partner(s)!