Open virgin

[SmileTexas]

My wife and I have been open twice and she has been sexually active while I have not pulled the trigger. I have kissed and got heated but that is it. Well, I met a nice girl and our date felt like it was going to happen when an unluckily hiker came right down on us. We were in the woods walking the trails.
Laughs were not had by all. The hiker and her dog looked mortified.
She had to head home for the kiddos. I felt really great but then a sense of dread came over me.
Having sex seems like casting off my old life forever. I get panicked. However, the new gal is so sexual that I get really caught up in the moment and forget the feelings of dread while we are together. At home home, I feel guilty even though my wife could care less.
Has anyone gone through this?

 

[JaneQSmythe]

It is hard to shake off "old programming". It's been drilled into our heads - by society if not by our families - that having sex with someone other than our (ONE) partner is wrong, bad, cheating.

Even for me - who questioned that programming very young, and never considered monogamy for myself - I still will come across moments of "OMG, what the hell am I doing? And the guilt comes crashing in."

I think it might help to really look at where the guilt/dread is coming from. It doesn't seem to be in response to your wife. But regardless of where it comes from - CHANGE IS SCARY! All by itself. It takes time to shuck off old patterns of behaviour and decide to behave differently. It takes a while to adjust to the "new normal".

At some point, if you take the plunge, you may find that you faced down those feelings and (hopefully) NOTHING BAD HAPPENED! Unfortunately, if something bad does happen - someone's feelings get hurt, for example - then it tends to reinforce the fear. So better to go slow and be sure...baby steps.