I very much like this idea of anonymous honesty. This gives me a forum to share my story without being judged or exposed to the masses. Not sure where, or even if this will go, but here's my introduction and stream of consciousness babble.
I'm 48, my wife is 46 (as of this writing). We have been together for 25 years now; and while the number when taken without context seems an eternity, from our perspective, the time has gone by in an instant.
My wife had a very conservative upbringing in a small town - a formula that often leads to a repressed sexuality. I on the other hand, have always been very open sexually, so I've always tried to provide her with an open, non judgement forum to explore her thoughts, fantasies, and desires.
After years of pillow talk and fantasy chat, we finally decided to try meeting a few couples, going to a swingers club, and she was even open to chatting online. As we explored, she discovered she did not have the same comfort level with me being with another woman. While this hurt at first, after a great deal of reconciliation in my head, I decided that we both love doing this. So even if I couldn't play as well, why should I deny myself the pleasure of watching her and help her explore her desires. On a selfish note, I was / am the beneficiary of her greatly increased labido. For my perspective, I've learned I really enjoy watching her.
We also learned that strangely, sex was not the primary driver / goal for us. As she chatted, she realized that what really turns her on, is the relationship aspect. Dating, boyfriend, flirting, everyday chatting topics, like any new couple would. Though I still cannot get her to articulate what she is actually looking at is a form of a poly relationship (I can't yet mention the word); conceptually, she admits she likes all of the aspects (dating, flirting, just chatting as a couple would, romantic, and yes eventually likely sex as well).
The challenge is that everyone she's chatted to (with the exception of one who is long distance, and unable to ever meet), have all wanted to jump straight to sex without even really getting to know her. It felt to her as though they are just going through the motions to get into her pants.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, or even falls into the category of "Polyamory". Ultimately, what would work best, is if we found a man, our age or a bit older, whom I had enough in common with that we would be friends. Also, he would be compatible with her, from a personality standpoint. The thee of us would go out and do things together, but they would also have their time, chatting, talking going out, or staying in. Someone who would allow her to explore her boundaries, without pressuring pushing, or judging. I believe this to be virtually impossible to find, so in the interim, I find blogs like this rather cathartic, if not completely confusing to everyone else.
If anyone had the wherewithal to make it through this entire first post, thank you for reading
I'm 48, my wife is 46 (as of this writing). We have been together for 25 years now; and while the number when taken without context seems an eternity, from our perspective, the time has gone by in an instant.
My wife had a very conservative upbringing in a small town - a formula that often leads to a repressed sexuality. I on the other hand, have always been very open sexually, so I've always tried to provide her with an open, non judgement forum to explore her thoughts, fantasies, and desires.
After years of pillow talk and fantasy chat, we finally decided to try meeting a few couples, going to a swingers club, and she was even open to chatting online. As we explored, she discovered she did not have the same comfort level with me being with another woman. While this hurt at first, after a great deal of reconciliation in my head, I decided that we both love doing this. So even if I couldn't play as well, why should I deny myself the pleasure of watching her and help her explore her desires. On a selfish note, I was / am the beneficiary of her greatly increased labido. For my perspective, I've learned I really enjoy watching her.
We also learned that strangely, sex was not the primary driver / goal for us. As she chatted, she realized that what really turns her on, is the relationship aspect. Dating, boyfriend, flirting, everyday chatting topics, like any new couple would. Though I still cannot get her to articulate what she is actually looking at is a form of a poly relationship (I can't yet mention the word); conceptually, she admits she likes all of the aspects (dating, flirting, just chatting as a couple would, romantic, and yes eventually likely sex as well).
The challenge is that everyone she's chatted to (with the exception of one who is long distance, and unable to ever meet), have all wanted to jump straight to sex without even really getting to know her. It felt to her as though they are just going through the motions to get into her pants.
I'm not sure if any of this makes sense, or even falls into the category of "Polyamory". Ultimately, what would work best, is if we found a man, our age or a bit older, whom I had enough in common with that we would be friends. Also, he would be compatible with her, from a personality standpoint. The thee of us would go out and do things together, but they would also have their time, chatting, talking going out, or staying in. Someone who would allow her to explore her boundaries, without pressuring pushing, or judging. I believe this to be virtually impossible to find, so in the interim, I find blogs like this rather cathartic, if not completely confusing to everyone else.
If anyone had the wherewithal to make it through this entire first post, thank you for reading
