Partner feeling lost

[Candiedlove]

Lately, Sam has been feeling so down. Part of it is that he doesn't feel understood by anyone anymore (aside from me, and while he appreciates that, I understand him feeling bad).

One of the biggest things is having to hide who he is from others. Outside of San Francisco and Portland (neither places he and I have any interest in living), I know of no one openly poly. Sure, I bet I pass poly people often. But it's like being gay but not telling anyone (not hiding, just never mentioning it), or not going in public with a partner where people can clearly see your gay.

How can I convince him that someday society will be open and accepting of poly lifestyles (and for that matter any minority lifestyle, such as kink or non-mono)?

Also, I know there are people here on this forum that are open with their friends and family, but I don't think reassuring him that I've chatted with anonymous online folk will help him much. Nor do I think it's very safe for anyone to give a real name on this kind of site that can easily be Googled.

 

[Inyourendo]

Why hide? I don't think most people give a shit. I get asked a lot of questions and here "wow I'm way too jealous for that" and an occasional "man I wish my husband would be ok with that" my husband even ran for office (didn't win because its a red state)

 

[bookbug]

While my situation would currently fit the default societal view of what is normal, I have never hidden who I am from people I consider friends. If they get close enough to be a friend, they are entitled to know all of me. If that were to drive them away, then it's good that we both know. You know what? No one has ever cared. I've never lost a friend due to my views on relationships.

Now, I do not discuss my relationship views with mere acquaintances - but then if I had a traditional marriage, I wouldn't discuss its characteristics with mere acquaintances either. I would not share it in the workplace, but then I don't think the workplace is an appropriate venue for discussing any form of personal relationship. It's not hiding; it's just that it is none of my employer's damn business.

I don't know exactly what you are asking given that Sam does not take solace in the comments of anonymous strangers. Have you considered taking a vacation and attending a poly event? Maybe that would help?