Poly Again, But Can We Hold the Trauma?

[WaywardWillow]

Hello friends! I am a 30 year old female, pansexual as well as solo poly and Pagan. I have a career in animal care and enjoy reading, writing, listening to podcasts, and exploring the human mind.

I am returning to polyamory after having taken a long break. Long story short, I was involved with a pretty large polycule from 2014-2017 that ended up being incredibly toxic and damaging to my psyche. It caused a great rift in my view of polyamory, because I found genuinely healthy poly people to be far and few between. My experience in the polycule and marriage also resulted in my divorce and me doing life by myself. Because, guys, being alone is better than what I went through.

While I have embraced being alone, I have still allowed myself to appreciate my standing connections that I have made over the years. Shown them love and friendship as I am able. I am also aware, however, that my deterrence of commitment has more to do with my own trauma than it does what I actually want.

I come back here hoping to gain inspiration and positivity as well as perhaps share my own experiences and validate others who may be new to this.

I look forward to seeing you all around!
Blessed Be!

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings WaywardWillow,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have come a full circle ... at first you wanted poly, then you were wounded by poly, and now you are poly again, or open to poly. Not necessarily that you are 100% safe now in poly, but just that you are aware of some of the pitfalls, you know what to look out for, and poly is worth it to you after all. Hopefully Polyamory.com will help you gain additional wisdom, and others will come to you for help and advice. I'm glad you could join us!

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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