Poly curious new dad

[XYZ123]

Rarechild,

Yes, he spoke his mind. He was honest in his feelings. Communication and honesty has been established. She now knows how he feels and he isn't "protecting" her anymore. Okay. Good. So everything is out there in the open. Now drop it. Let her come around when and if she's ready. Nothing good is going to come from having her watch MTV, read all about poly, watch YouTube, etc. right now. It sounds like pressure she doesn't need.

Moose, I'm glad you were honest and a dialogue was opened. But, I agree with YGirl. It seems like you're trying to get some sort of permission from the members here to keep pursuing this RIGHT NOW.

Right now you need to focus on your baby first, your wife second. I get the concept of making yourself happy first, but she is postpartum right now and very vulnerable. Later you can take care of what YOU want and need. At this moment, I highly doubt she'll see anything she can get from adding another relationship. She's exhausted, probably up all hours of the night, probably feels horrible about her body, and most likely has no sex drive.

To continue to bring up something she seems silent on just seems like pressure, like an attempt to shove it down her throat. You can put this off while you get used to your new baby, which is a huge adjustment in itself. Anything else is selfish right now.

 

[moose]

Actually, I'm not looking for permission from the members. I'm sorry if that is how I came off. I must agree with Rarechild. I don't think you can hold off on communication. That in itself will lead to an unhealthy relationship.

My wife and I are actually doing very well mentally and physically with the adjustment. She is not stressed out, she doesn't think she looks horrible, etc. I would have some sense that if I came home to a crying or distressed woman to keep my mouth shut. Yes, I do put my wife and my baby girl first, but in general, my aspect on life is to put my mental and physical well-being first so I am able to provide what they need.

I had her watch that MTV segment because I don't have a lot of sources for information to point her towards. Like I said, I am going to give her some time now to think it over before I bring the topics up again. I'm not trying to rush things. This is something I've had stewing in my head for some time now. I would be lying if it was something I said I didn't want, but it's something I truly do think we should explore together, as one.

I think there is always that fantasy scenario, but to me, that is fantasy alone. I guess at this point, all I'm looking for is places where I can learn more and become more informed about the lifestyle.

 

[redpepper]

The others have said it all. I would not be approaching poly with a three-week old baby. Not to mention the approach of using a potential gf as a "tool," or with the idea that you think you have a great thing going, and think it's worth sharing, as if they would be a puppet of your desire.

You are starting a journey that you are new to. When babies are born, it seems common that their parents go through a time when they scramble to get some sense of their own life back. As the baby gets older, and routines and patterns are established, it becomes harder and harder to have one's own life. It feels like it will never come to an end. But then, one day, they become outwardly-focussed on the world, instead of inwardly-focussed on Mum and Dad. You will find you have a chance to do your own thing again.

My experience in poly and raising a child, until age six so far, has been that before I became a mother, I had lots of time to explore the lifestyle. Then I had my boy, and for a good three years it was all about him and our family. When he was age four to five I got my life back together, got my body back to normal, got back into my work, established new friendships that revolved around kids and family more, and then branched out into poly again.

The first five years are meant to be for bonding time, and for them and you to establish your places in the family. I'm big into the "attachment theory" in parenting, which you can Google to find out more about

I hear you when you say you are communicating and that you are merely talking about it. But I strongly suggest that you keep your line of thought about taking time. When it comes down to an actual relationship, it's a whole new ballgame. Living it is different than talking about it.

Everything that we, on this forum, have written about our experiences in poly is real and very intense. It would be doing your wife and child a dis-service if you were to get too excited and into searching for anyone new to date, regardless of whether they are a friend already, or not.

Frankly, if someone I was friends with were to approach me, three weeks after their baby was born, about starting to date in a poly relationship, I would immediately end the friendship! You can't go back from that sort of thing.

If I were your wife, I wouldn't have the energy to even object at this point. If you were to ask me if you could go out to search for a unicorn, I would give you a big resounding "NO!!!"

I'm glad you're looking into it. I'm happy you find poly appealing. Good luck to you in starting that up five years from now!