Poly-swinger-ish-advice needed

[bookbug]

I agree with the sentiments expressed by some of the other commenters - there is a lot more going on here than the issues surrounding your sexual explorations. Yes her level of attempt at control may be more profoundly noticeable because of the nature of the issue, but your description of her behavior in daily life is problematic. Guilt-tripping? Condescension? Mocking? Sarcasm? Ultimatums? Is this the behavior of someone who is supposed to love you? I would never resort to that kind of behavior with someone I dislike much less loved!

These behaviors are abusive. Frankly, she sounds like a narcissist - only her feelings count, and you can just suck it up or not, but don't bother her with it. And yes, I get that she can be fun and charming - but isn't that always accompanied by everything going her way? Does she ever not get her way?

Very familiar with the whole tactic - "(your expression of some feeling) hurts me." What a way to shut down a conversation and make sure she never has to deal.

As far as therapy goes, it would seem a good place to start might be with honest, non-abusive communication.

 

[IndieSolo]

I can't ever figure out how much pressure is just enough to promote change without promptime a breakdown.

So what if she breaks down? Maybe she needs to breakdown, crack open, get real.

I learned from many years' experience that whenever we walk on eggshells around someone, trying to protect them from their own feelings, we die a little bit inside. It sounds like this relationship is killing you.

Be brave, present, and true to who you are. That is the only way out of the pain.

 

[central]

You say you're not given a choice. In that case you make your own choice, and deal with the consequences.

I think you are clinging to a toxic relationship because of the few things you are afraid of losing. She is controlling you through your irrational fears. I was afraid for too long to leave my ex, but my life improved immediately and immensely once I did.