Polyamorous break ups?

[GalaGirl]

As for what's going on with me now, well I told K & D my plans to get my own place. At first they were really understanding after I explained that I'm not abandoning them or anything or cutting them off and that I still plan to help them stay afloat in the apartment since they were both recently unemployed.

That's kind of you. Because you don't have to be paying rent on two places.

But the conversation really stressed K out, and maybe 30 min after the phone call ended she texted me about how she was upset that I was doing this and that I didn't help with this month's rent at all and that she feels hurt that I didn't consult her more. she brought up some past arguments about money and it was a panic freak out.

Well, she feels what she feels. You have offered to help with the rent during the "moving out" transition. What more does she want?

She wants you to consult her about what you want even when she said she wanted to not talk for a while? So many mixed messages.

At that point, I offered to call if that would help with her feeling stressed but she said she didn't want to call and she seemed like she didn't want to talk about the situation anymore.

I can see you are trying ot be kind, but you don't really need to be the "listening ear" person with K any more. It's ok to separate some. It doesn't mean you are abandoning her. Or not wanting to be her friend at some point.

But you JUST broke up. You need some time and space for both to heal from the break up. If you keep on being there, propping her up, helping her process stuff... what's the break up for then? She can process with D and her other friends or a professional.

All in all, I'm happy that I decided on what I wanted and expressed that.

Good.

I am a little sad that she didn't take it as well as I hoped but I understand that she's processing it and I'm hopeful that she can understand where I'm coming from and what I want.

You have been up front and honest. You have done what you can from your side of the conversation.

Even if she doesn't understand why you want to end things and why this whole thing no longer works for you? You are doing the right thing for YOU. Because you don't want to be sexually involved with either K or D and you've been wanting some space on your own.

It's ok to want those things.

You are not obligated to keep on going with a relationship that isn't working for you any more just because the other person wants you to.

Galagirl