This is the first time I write something in a polyamorous forum. I really would like to share my story with you, Here it is. (Maybe the way I describe it makes it seem that we only fight, but we are very in love.)
At the beginning, even if I was in already a relationship with a boyfriend who I was cheating on with other men, I was monogamous in my mind, and already considering breaking up with my boyfriend. Then I met a guy who was polyamorous. I was hurt because after I fell in love with him, he told me that he had a girlfriend. On one side, I really loved him. On the other side, I like doing unusual things, so I decided to try. I thought polyamory was a world where everyone was willing to give love, but his girlfriend broke my dream by fighting with me. Then I was attacked and got mad so I fought back. Finally she broke up with him because he didn't agree on her ultimatum to break up with me. These fights between her and me lasted half a year.
He was very hurt by the breakup of the 6-year relationship they had. I think he kind of blamed it on me. And he felt so bad, unfair and unequal that his ex-girlfriend was dating other men, and in love with other men whom he peacefully and friendly met, but when he started to date others he just faced fights between the women he loved, each behaving extremely territorial and wanting him for themselves alone. So he wanted me to be very supportive of him meeting other girls.
At this moment, started dating other men. I felt that I had to. I felt forced to date them so that I would not put so much attention on him. I even lived with one of them for one month, but it didn't mean much to me. It was more like a way to avoid getting hurt.
After they broke up, he was seeing only me for one month, and delayed meeting another woman because I wanted him to wait for me to feel good about him meeting others. But he keeps putting a lot of pressure on me, and I was extremely sensitive. After a while he just got upset and went to meet other women, regardless of how hurt I was. I remember many times I felt so hurt that I just wanted to die. When I was pushed like that, I was constantly worried. I couldn't calm down to focus on my desire for polyamory. We fought more and more. And I was too emotionally attached and dependent on him to break up.
Now we have been together two years. He felt that it didn't work to force me to accept polyamory, so he decided to back off and give me some room to grow my desire for polyamory.
I really like the concept of polyamory. I don't believe that I can love only one all my life. I get bored. I like the concept of compersion, but I need more skills to do it. And another problem is that I'm a dependent person, so I don't feel good being alone while he's meeting someone else.
I need to become independent. I feel that if he didn't push me to do it before, I'd be more advanced now. Anyway, now I feel less worried and I really want to do polyamory.
So I need to do two things:
1. be independent
2. develop compersion.
And I need him to do one thing: not put pressure on me.
Thank you for reading this long story, and if you have some doubts about my conclusion, or some suggestions or book recommendations on growing independency or compersion, please don't hesitate to tell me.
At the beginning, even if I was in already a relationship with a boyfriend who I was cheating on with other men, I was monogamous in my mind, and already considering breaking up with my boyfriend. Then I met a guy who was polyamorous. I was hurt because after I fell in love with him, he told me that he had a girlfriend. On one side, I really loved him. On the other side, I like doing unusual things, so I decided to try. I thought polyamory was a world where everyone was willing to give love, but his girlfriend broke my dream by fighting with me. Then I was attacked and got mad so I fought back. Finally she broke up with him because he didn't agree on her ultimatum to break up with me. These fights between her and me lasted half a year.
He was very hurt by the breakup of the 6-year relationship they had. I think he kind of blamed it on me. And he felt so bad, unfair and unequal that his ex-girlfriend was dating other men, and in love with other men whom he peacefully and friendly met, but when he started to date others he just faced fights between the women he loved, each behaving extremely territorial and wanting him for themselves alone. So he wanted me to be very supportive of him meeting other girls.
At this moment, started dating other men. I felt that I had to. I felt forced to date them so that I would not put so much attention on him. I even lived with one of them for one month, but it didn't mean much to me. It was more like a way to avoid getting hurt.
After they broke up, he was seeing only me for one month, and delayed meeting another woman because I wanted him to wait for me to feel good about him meeting others. But he keeps putting a lot of pressure on me, and I was extremely sensitive. After a while he just got upset and went to meet other women, regardless of how hurt I was. I remember many times I felt so hurt that I just wanted to die. When I was pushed like that, I was constantly worried. I couldn't calm down to focus on my desire for polyamory. We fought more and more. And I was too emotionally attached and dependent on him to break up.
Now we have been together two years. He felt that it didn't work to force me to accept polyamory, so he decided to back off and give me some room to grow my desire for polyamory.
I really like the concept of polyamory. I don't believe that I can love only one all my life. I get bored. I like the concept of compersion, but I need more skills to do it. And another problem is that I'm a dependent person, so I don't feel good being alone while he's meeting someone else.
I need to become independent. I feel that if he didn't push me to do it before, I'd be more advanced now. Anyway, now I feel less worried and I really want to do polyamory.
So I need to do two things:
1. be independent
2. develop compersion.
And I need him to do one thing: not put pressure on me.
Thank you for reading this long story, and if you have some doubts about my conclusion, or some suggestions or book recommendations on growing independency or compersion, please don't hesitate to tell me.
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