Polyamory and Cheating, can you work them out

Hey Cam,

If you're "going off your wagon" and saying that's not acceptable to you, that's an attitude I sincerely respect. Having gone off the wagon myself when i tried to bend myself into an emotional pretzel for my wife to have her affair partner, I recommend you not be so harsh on yourself. Affair recovery resources would recommend she bend herself into a pretzel for you to help you recover from the pain of her affair.

You're not wrong to be emotional here, just human, and to my eyes, you're doing all the work so she can have some fun. Go easy on yourself. You're trying to give her what she needs. Figure out what you need to feel secure and ask to see if she can give this to you, or ask her to stick to some boundaries, with ongoing renegotiation of boundaries as her new relationship progesses in a month or 6 months.

Hope that helps. Hang in there,
Shaya.
 
RE:

You guys have been very kind and insightful. Things aren't going terrible right now. I need to do some negotiating on time, I feel that I need more, but we are finding a path.
 
Hey Cam,

Glad to be of help. I think that's what the forum is for.

You said you need to do some negotiating on time. I'm not 100% certain what you mean, but I feel that you are referring to the pace at which your wife's new relationship is progressing and that you would be more comfortable with it going slower. Of course, I could be just reading my situation into yours, but if I've understood you correctly, then I'd recommend your wife to read my intro story, given that rushing into things is what I feel contributed most to flooring my attempt at polyamory.

Good luck on finding your path. Keep us updated on your progress, and feel free to holler for help if you need.

Shaya
 
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