polys in recovery?

Al99

Active member
A spiritual revolution is coming for those who commit the program. A searching and fearless sex inventory is a part of that. For people using sex to self-medicate their emotional problems, mono, infedility, or "poly," the house of cards will fall down and a completely new relationship to how to have intimate relationships awaits. Some monos stay mono. Some polys stay poly. Some will change from one to the other. It's as individual as the Higher Power one sculpts and discovers in their life, and its merit is only measurable in how one's life escapes the psychological chains of addiction.

And it's all good news for polyamorous world when people sort themselves out, if we're really about honesty, integrity, and real love & devotion.

Very well written. Because "rigorous honesty" is sine qua non to Twelve Step Recovery, polyamory - where honesty, knowledge, and consent are central - is particularly well suited to those in Twelve Step Recovery programs. A recovering addict is unlikely to stay sober if he is living a lie by having a secret affair. Polyamory makes such dishonesty unnecessary.

As mentioned in an entry above, AA Co-founder Bill Wilson and his wife, Lois, were almost certainly in a consensually non-monogmaous marriage ("polyamory" was not a word in his lifetime). It is an established historical fact that Bill had at least 2 long term girlfriends (one was provided for in his will) well after AA was founded, and it is almost as well established that Lois knew about it. And, indeed, one would almost certainly find it more plausible that Bill was honest with Lois about his other loves - rather than "having secret affairs" - in contradiction to to the teachings he spent most of a lifetime promoting.

Al
 
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3908

New member
I'm new to this forum and new to the idea of poly. I recently shared my interest with my wife, who is in a 12 step program too.

I've been in a 12 step church program for many years, and attend weekly. I have never mentioned poly to anyone there. I'm not sure how they would respond to me saying I identify or atlest think I'm poly. I have opened up to many in the 12 step groups about my past abuse and they are very accepting, more than most people in church would be.

that's where I am at so far in this journey.

thank you for letting me share...:)
 

Al99

Active member
I've been in a 12 step church program for many years, and attend weekly. I have never mentioned poly to anyone there. I'm not sure how they would respond to me saying I identify or atlest think I'm poly
Hi 3908 - and a somewhat belated welcome to the Forum! In general, in AA-modeled 12 Step Groups (AA, NA, OA, etc), being poly would be a non-factor ("an outside issue" - see previous posts in this thread) just as sexual orientation or gender identification is irrelevant. It certainly would not preclude "membership" (i.e. - showing up at meetings) as the only requirement for membership is a "desire to stop drinking" (using, gambling, eating compulsively, etc) Also, I would venture to say that - in actual practice - that an "out" poly person would be accepted without judgment in most cases. There could always be individuals who might give you funny looks - and you might find meetings in very conservative areas where you might not feel comfortable, although I suspect this would be the rare exception.

However, this probably would NOT be the case in church-based 12 Step Recovery (such as Celebrate Recovery) - as these groups, while using the 12 Steps, have adopted a significantly modified version of the 12 Step Recovery program originally developed by AA. Specifically, they dictate that the members Higher Power will be the Christian deity (unlike AA-modeled 12 Step Recovery - where the member chooses a "God/Higher Power of their own understanding"). Consequently, these groups operate within a conservative (mostly fundamentalist/evangelical) Christian context. Given that, I would imagine that in general an openly poly individual would not be accepted in such groups without judgment - and being told that polyamory was sinful, and that they should only be monogamous. Whether they would even be allowed to attend (without repenting of their "sinful ways") would probably vary by group - and how conservative the sponsoring church is.

I would encourage you to look through this thread - and for a conversation about poly in Christian Churches, you might find this thread of interest (if you haven't looked at it already):


Again, Welcome! - And let us know how your story unfolds.

Al
 

3908

New member
Hi 3908 - and a somewhat belated welcome to the Forum! In general, in AA-modeled 12 Step Groups (AA, NA, OA, etc), being poly would be a non-factor ("an outside issue" - see previous posts in this thread) just as sexual orientation or gender identification is irrelevant. It certainly would not preclude "membership" (i.e. - showing up at meetings) as the only requirement for membership is a "desire to stop drinking" (using, gambling, eating compulsively, etc) Also, I would venture to say that - in actual practice - that an "out" poly person would be accepted without judgment in most cases. There could always be individuals who might give you funny looks - and you might find meetings in very conservative areas where you might not feel comfortable, although I suspect this would be the rare exception.

However, this probably would NOT be the case in church-based 12 Step Recovery (such as Celebrate Recovery) - as these groups, while using the 12 Steps, have adopted a significantly modified version of the 12 Step Recovery program originally developed by AA. Specifically, they dictate that the members Higher Power will be the Christian deity (unlike AA-modeled 12 Step Recovery - where the member chooses a "God/Higher Power of their own understanding"). Consequently, these groups operate within a conservative (mostly fundamentalist/evangelical) Christian context. Given that, I would imagine that in general an openly poly individual would not be accepted in such groups without judgment - and being told that polyamory was sinful, and that they should only be monogamous. Whether they would even be allowed to attend (without repenting of their "sinful ways") would probably vary by group - and how conservative the sponsoring church is.

I would encourage you to look through this thread - and for a conversation about poly in Christian Churches, you might find this thread of interest (if you haven't looked at it already):


Again, Welcome! - And let us know how your story unfolds.

Al
thank you for your reply and the welcome. I checked out your thread and all the other links in it, spent an hour reading. :)

Update....I shared tonight in group and no one directly commented after I shared because they are not supposed to. I think some may have been uncomfortable from their body language but it will be interesting to see if anyone comments to me personally in the weeks to come.
 
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