First I’d like to note that Cori is a play on a play of an alter ego I came up with many moons ago. It was a joke I shared with Ess, my first real life experience/partner I had outside of a nesting partner. I mentioned him in my introduction here:
Thread 'Hello, I’m here for community!'
https://polyamory.com/threads/hello-im-here-for-community.158931/
Ess is not what I’m posting about today, but it feels good to leave myself, and interested others, a paper trail of my posts. Today is more about me, then over time I may open up further about the Cori Who Exists Today and her wonderful, amazing Partner.
I’ve never fully believed in monogamy for all. I did a paper in English class once on marriage annd monogamy and it opened my eyes. This did not stop me from trying it multiple times before I embraced the “other” in me. I came close to choosing non monogamy numerous times, even nearly becoming a third, or a unicorn, maybe, with a swinging couple who were growing to both like me as well. Every time the possibility of me choosing a different relationship style opened up, something happened, or I balked, or something happened AND I balked.
A good example of this would be the one marriage I’ve had. It’s long since over and my ex husband and I share a pretty decent co-parenting relationship these days, but we did not do well as a couple. We started our relationship by talking about being open. I was active with the couple I mentioned before, and Ess slipped in and out of my life fairly regularly. I didn’t necessarily want to lose those things, and Ex wanted to be open too. When I brought up wanting to see the male part of the couple one last time before we moved he told me he felt uncomfortable with that. Trying to be the good newlywed wife that I was, I declined the last visit, though I knew it hurt my heart as well as the man I was declining. I decided in my head this meant my new husband was not yet comfortable with being open, so I decided against pursuing anything either. Did I mention we were both in our early 20s, and young?
This did not stop Ex from trying openness a handful of times while we lived in the state we’d moved to, though that information wasn’t known to me until we decided to separate. That’s not the right way to do it. I knew this, and so did he, but damage was done.
After our divorce I dated, and was treated poorly, and also allowed myself to be treated poorly simply for human touch. Then I went celibate for a while and that was great. I learned my true independence and felt confidence and happiness I hadn’t known for so so long. After that I decided I would try dating again, but this time the style I wanted. It felt right to me to identify as ENM. I was able to decline the people who wanted monogamy, but still wasn’t finding anything quite right. All I knew was I never wanted to get married again, or possibly even live with a partner. I would have some fun when I could, maybe ride a couple comets (insert eyebrow waggles here), but never disrupt my home life again.
And then I met Partner.
I think for today I’ll leave it at that. I’ve been enjoying reading lots of threads and posts here. It’s nice to see that there are active and supportive members here, and honestly is nice to not be a huge platform like Reddit. I feel like Reddit really crushes it in the numbers department, but not in that of substance. Thanks to all or any who read this, and have a wonderful day
Thread 'Hello, I’m here for community!'
https://polyamory.com/threads/hello-im-here-for-community.158931/
Ess is not what I’m posting about today, but it feels good to leave myself, and interested others, a paper trail of my posts. Today is more about me, then over time I may open up further about the Cori Who Exists Today and her wonderful, amazing Partner.
I’ve never fully believed in monogamy for all. I did a paper in English class once on marriage annd monogamy and it opened my eyes. This did not stop me from trying it multiple times before I embraced the “other” in me. I came close to choosing non monogamy numerous times, even nearly becoming a third, or a unicorn, maybe, with a swinging couple who were growing to both like me as well. Every time the possibility of me choosing a different relationship style opened up, something happened, or I balked, or something happened AND I balked.
A good example of this would be the one marriage I’ve had. It’s long since over and my ex husband and I share a pretty decent co-parenting relationship these days, but we did not do well as a couple. We started our relationship by talking about being open. I was active with the couple I mentioned before, and Ess slipped in and out of my life fairly regularly. I didn’t necessarily want to lose those things, and Ex wanted to be open too. When I brought up wanting to see the male part of the couple one last time before we moved he told me he felt uncomfortable with that. Trying to be the good newlywed wife that I was, I declined the last visit, though I knew it hurt my heart as well as the man I was declining. I decided in my head this meant my new husband was not yet comfortable with being open, so I decided against pursuing anything either. Did I mention we were both in our early 20s, and young?
This did not stop Ex from trying openness a handful of times while we lived in the state we’d moved to, though that information wasn’t known to me until we decided to separate. That’s not the right way to do it. I knew this, and so did he, but damage was done.
After our divorce I dated, and was treated poorly, and also allowed myself to be treated poorly simply for human touch. Then I went celibate for a while and that was great. I learned my true independence and felt confidence and happiness I hadn’t known for so so long. After that I decided I would try dating again, but this time the style I wanted. It felt right to me to identify as ENM. I was able to decline the people who wanted monogamy, but still wasn’t finding anything quite right. All I knew was I never wanted to get married again, or possibly even live with a partner. I would have some fun when I could, maybe ride a couple comets (insert eyebrow waggles here), but never disrupt my home life again.
And then I met Partner.
I think for today I’ll leave it at that. I’ve been enjoying reading lots of threads and posts here. It’s nice to see that there are active and supportive members here, and honestly is nice to not be a huge platform like Reddit. I feel like Reddit really crushes it in the numbers department, but not in that of substance. Thanks to all or any who read this, and have a wonderful day
