Razorbacktat
Member
We have been poly for a year with our third. She is a part of our life almost every day. While we have had bumps and bruises, this is the first major hurdle in dealing with social situations. First let me tell you that out of the three, I am the only one who has family in this town. Holly's parents live 2 hours away. Kia's parents live an hour away. My dad lives here. My mother lives 2 hours away, in the same area as Holly's parents.
My parents know of the fact that there is some relationship with Kia closer than just friends and they have been very good not to pry. My father is in the same profession as I, and he and I have a very good relationship for the first time in my life. He hasn't asked, but has heard tell of some relationship. He has chosen to stay out of it. However, I am planning on telling him some of it in the near future.
My mother is a psychiatrist and I have divulged that there is a closer-than-friends relationship between the three of us with her in the past. It did not fall into a discussion of what poly is. That is something I have planned on doing in person. Because of our professions and busy schedules, we only see each other a few times a year.
Kia's parents visit some, but she maintains her own residence, as she has joint custody of her kids. Mostly her mom comes, and they only know of us a friends, but I'm sure if they thought about it they could figure it out from the closeness and amount of time we spend together, including several trips a year the three of us take, often without the kids.
Holly, who is my wife of almost 18 years, is essentially estranged from her mother. She talks occasionally to her father. There was some personal drama last year. I was asked about Holly and Kia having an affair or something. Holly was in the midst of being diagnosed finally with a mood disorder at the time, and I didn't feel that it was the proper time to disclose. Plus it was her job to do so, if and when she felt right about it.
Now we have had our 1st anniversary as a triad, and for the most part everything is good. We have made it through many bumps and bruise.
My son with Holly is graduating from high school on Monday. We live in a very small judgmental town in the Deep South. My father, in an attempt to help Holly and her parents heal some old wounds, invited them to come stay with him and my stepmother on Monday night so they could go to the graduation. My mother will be here, as well. Stress will be running high for Holly that day, to say the least.
Now to our problem. Holly and I want to not alienate Kia, because she is part of our family, or at least the one we interact with daily. Our kids expect us all to be together most of the time, because they have lived with this for a year. In fact, our younger two and Kia's two are bffs, and can't wait to play with them on every other Monday, when they come to Kia's house. Kia practically lives with us the other week, and we are in the midst of planning a summer vacation all together, like we did last year.
So how do we handle graduation? First we realize its for our son, and to avoid drama, right now, Kia is not invited to the party at my dad's house that night. I have a problem with that, since I feel like I have moved to the next phase of having Kia around, so they can get used to it. Holly is under such stress that she cant even think about it. We haven't discussed it with Kia.
Holly is stressed out to the max because of many things, like the fact it's dance recital weekend for our two girls, as well as graduation of her "little" 17-year old boy, all 6'5 of him.
Kia feels left out sometimes, and I hate thinking of her feeling that way. I want her involved and to feel like she is part of our family, because she is. BTW, our 17-year old knows about Kia, and that she is more than just a close friend, which is the way our 11 and under 4 girls think of us.
Add on top of that the fact that we live in a very small town where people are very judgmental and prone to gossip. When there are festivals and group events, we all three go.
So there you have it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
My parents know of the fact that there is some relationship with Kia closer than just friends and they have been very good not to pry. My father is in the same profession as I, and he and I have a very good relationship for the first time in my life. He hasn't asked, but has heard tell of some relationship. He has chosen to stay out of it. However, I am planning on telling him some of it in the near future.
My mother is a psychiatrist and I have divulged that there is a closer-than-friends relationship between the three of us with her in the past. It did not fall into a discussion of what poly is. That is something I have planned on doing in person. Because of our professions and busy schedules, we only see each other a few times a year.
Kia's parents visit some, but she maintains her own residence, as she has joint custody of her kids. Mostly her mom comes, and they only know of us a friends, but I'm sure if they thought about it they could figure it out from the closeness and amount of time we spend together, including several trips a year the three of us take, often without the kids.
Holly, who is my wife of almost 18 years, is essentially estranged from her mother. She talks occasionally to her father. There was some personal drama last year. I was asked about Holly and Kia having an affair or something. Holly was in the midst of being diagnosed finally with a mood disorder at the time, and I didn't feel that it was the proper time to disclose. Plus it was her job to do so, if and when she felt right about it.
Now we have had our 1st anniversary as a triad, and for the most part everything is good. We have made it through many bumps and bruise.
My son with Holly is graduating from high school on Monday. We live in a very small judgmental town in the Deep South. My father, in an attempt to help Holly and her parents heal some old wounds, invited them to come stay with him and my stepmother on Monday night so they could go to the graduation. My mother will be here, as well. Stress will be running high for Holly that day, to say the least.
Now to our problem. Holly and I want to not alienate Kia, because she is part of our family, or at least the one we interact with daily. Our kids expect us all to be together most of the time, because they have lived with this for a year. In fact, our younger two and Kia's two are bffs, and can't wait to play with them on every other Monday, when they come to Kia's house. Kia practically lives with us the other week, and we are in the midst of planning a summer vacation all together, like we did last year.
So how do we handle graduation? First we realize its for our son, and to avoid drama, right now, Kia is not invited to the party at my dad's house that night. I have a problem with that, since I feel like I have moved to the next phase of having Kia around, so they can get used to it. Holly is under such stress that she cant even think about it. We haven't discussed it with Kia.
Holly is stressed out to the max because of many things, like the fact it's dance recital weekend for our two girls, as well as graduation of her "little" 17-year old boy, all 6'5 of him.
Kia feels left out sometimes, and I hate thinking of her feeling that way. I want her involved and to feel like she is part of our family, because she is. BTW, our 17-year old knows about Kia, and that she is more than just a close friend, which is the way our 11 and under 4 girls think of us.
Add on top of that the fact that we live in a very small town where people are very judgmental and prone to gossip. When there are festivals and group events, we all three go.
So there you have it. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
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