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tkbyvr

New member
Hi I am a newbie, but have been 'wondering' about this for a while.

I came out of a mono relationship a few years ago during which we had discussed the idea of having external relationships. It didn't happen, but the idea stuck with me, and, like any good idea, I am now thinking about it more.

I notice on this board that most of the situations are MFM. So the first silly question is whether that is the typical' poly situation?

I'm just going to put it out there. For my first foray into this, I would like to find an emotionally solid and committed FF couple to become friends with.

I'm in Vancouver, and not really sure how to get this started. Thoughts?
 
tkbyvr said:
I notice on this board that most of the situations are MFM. So the first silly question is whether that is the typical' poly situation?
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There really is no typical poly situation. There are so many different ways to do poly and we have a wide variety represented on this forum. Welcome. :)
 
Greetings tkbyvr,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

MFM does come up a lot but it is still far from being "the poly norm." I know of some FMF groupings as well.

As for how to get started, I suppose OKCupid is as good a place as any. That and you could see if there are any local poly groups in your area. If you google "Vancouver polyamory" you will probably get some results. Oh and you can place an ad on our Dating & Friendships (North America) board.

I'll be happy to help further but perhaps that's a start?
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

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Welcome aboard!
 
Hi there,

Dating a couple is always pretty tough, and I think what you are looking for is particularly rare. My girlfriend and I are both bi, and have dated the same person in the past, but it's never a thing we actively seek out. I think it's far more typical (and healthy) for people to just date as an individual. You might be conflating the idea of a triad and a V. It seems to me that there are more MFM V's (on this site at least), but in terms of actual triads (where everyone is involved with each other) there is a skew towards FFM. HOWEVER, most of them seem to be MF couples who then meet a girl they both connect with. I can't think of a single FF couple I know looking for a straight guy to join them for a closed triadic relationship, either on here, or in real life.

So sorry for my disheartening (albeit entirely anecdotal) input there. My best advice to you would be to try to find a poly group near you, list yourself as poly on dating websites, and give up preconceptions of what you want your relationships to look like. Why not just date some girls without requiring that they date each other? Why not date some girls who are already dating other guys? There's no requirement that you hang out with a partner's other partner unless you and they both want that.
 
I'm in Vancouver, and not really sure how to get this started. Thoughts?
Click to expand...
Get started just the normal way you get started with relationships in general. Go out there and meet people, either in real life or online. If you put up an online profile, make sure that you are clear about not wanting a monogamous relationship. See what comes up and go ahead from there.

I would advice to first build separate relationships, one-on-one. If your future partners are willing to meet each other at some point, you might build some kind of a group dynamic, too. Or a relationship network. Or neither - there is no poly norm to fill. Also, at some rare occasions groupings of more than two persons do form from day one, and that is fine, too. On these forums we see a lot of groupings (triads and quads) that fail because everything is supposed to be "equal" and everyone is supposed to love all group members as much. It rarely works that way in reality.
 
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Thanks to FallenAngle and Kevin T,

For tenK and Nadya .. thanks for your comments. Your points are well taken. Dating one person is generally more than enough to deal with in the beginning anyway
 
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