StumblingAlong
New member
So I am in a new triad relationship. Things have gone well so far and we have all enjoyed it. Thing is feelings are beginning to develop and NRE is starting to amp up. This just started about a month ago and became more than we all expected it to be. Well I expected this, I'm not sure they did.
So far I am good with the fact that my new partner is developing feelings for my husband. I'm also good with my husband developing feelings for her. I have feelings for her but at this point I'm not comfortable telling them how deeply those feelings go. My feelings are something I'm holding on to and thinking on. I like the pace things are at and I'm scared that saying where each of our feelings are could change that. I want this to take its time and not be rushed.
I have been a 3rd to a married couple, so I know how hard it can be to be in that position. I'm putting in work on my end to, not bend over backwards to make it easy per say, but to remember what it was like for me and be calm, patient and understanding of her and how she feels. She is communicating with me and that helps so much. I'm also trying hard to understand my husband's fears and be patient with him as well.
Now for my questions. My husband is absolutely terrified of hurting her and being hurt if he allows himself to care and the feelings I see growing to come out. I don't know how to help him with this or if I even can. I can see he wants more than to be a FWB but he is so scared due to our past in a previous quad relationship where he was hurt. I don't want to push him to say or do anything before he is ready. However, I am scared that he will end his relationship with her if one or both of them admit to each other or themselves that they care as much as I believe they do. I don't know how it will affect my relationship with her if their relationship was to end. Do I try to talk to them about this or just sit and see what happens. It is their relationship after all.
Now for her. She is beginning to feel the need for time with him. She and I see each other every day because of work. So we have a strong connection. They do not see each other every day and she is finding that she wants more time, but she is scared to ask for it because she doesn't want to take away his time from me or our family. She also found herself becoming what she says is jealous, but I suspect it's more envious, of the fact that I do get to spend so much time with him because we are married. He does take time a couple times a week to spend time with her whether it's on their lunch break or an hour or 2 after they get off work. She said usually in those moments where she feels jealous/envious she starts to think she can't do this and then she gets a text or something from him and realizes he does think about her and then she is ok. I honestly expected her to feel this way at some point. It's not unusual for someone in her position to feel like she does. I have been there. I want so badly to help her with this as much as I can. I'm just not sure how.
I do not know how to help either of them fully understand I am their partner and I'm here to be supportive. I want to be supportive. I'm not sure if anything but time will help any of this because only with time can they see I am truly ok with them loving each other. Yes, I realize this may not last forever and the odds are against us. I know from experience how hard it can and will be. I am willing to see where it goes and how good we can make it be. I just want to see them both happy. I know it's not my job to make them happy. I'm not trying to do that. I just want them to feel free to let the emotions happen and be happy experiencing it. Any advice you can give me is appreciated.
So far I am good with the fact that my new partner is developing feelings for my husband. I'm also good with my husband developing feelings for her. I have feelings for her but at this point I'm not comfortable telling them how deeply those feelings go. My feelings are something I'm holding on to and thinking on. I like the pace things are at and I'm scared that saying where each of our feelings are could change that. I want this to take its time and not be rushed.
I have been a 3rd to a married couple, so I know how hard it can be to be in that position. I'm putting in work on my end to, not bend over backwards to make it easy per say, but to remember what it was like for me and be calm, patient and understanding of her and how she feels. She is communicating with me and that helps so much. I'm also trying hard to understand my husband's fears and be patient with him as well.
Now for my questions. My husband is absolutely terrified of hurting her and being hurt if he allows himself to care and the feelings I see growing to come out. I don't know how to help him with this or if I even can. I can see he wants more than to be a FWB but he is so scared due to our past in a previous quad relationship where he was hurt. I don't want to push him to say or do anything before he is ready. However, I am scared that he will end his relationship with her if one or both of them admit to each other or themselves that they care as much as I believe they do. I don't know how it will affect my relationship with her if their relationship was to end. Do I try to talk to them about this or just sit and see what happens. It is their relationship after all.
Now for her. She is beginning to feel the need for time with him. She and I see each other every day because of work. So we have a strong connection. They do not see each other every day and she is finding that she wants more time, but she is scared to ask for it because she doesn't want to take away his time from me or our family. She also found herself becoming what she says is jealous, but I suspect it's more envious, of the fact that I do get to spend so much time with him because we are married. He does take time a couple times a week to spend time with her whether it's on their lunch break or an hour or 2 after they get off work. She said usually in those moments where she feels jealous/envious she starts to think she can't do this and then she gets a text or something from him and realizes he does think about her and then she is ok. I honestly expected her to feel this way at some point. It's not unusual for someone in her position to feel like she does. I have been there. I want so badly to help her with this as much as I can. I'm just not sure how.
I do not know how to help either of them fully understand I am their partner and I'm here to be supportive. I want to be supportive. I'm not sure if anything but time will help any of this because only with time can they see I am truly ok with them loving each other. Yes, I realize this may not last forever and the odds are against us. I know from experience how hard it can and will be. I am willing to see where it goes and how good we can make it be. I just want to see them both happy. I know it's not my job to make them happy. I'm not trying to do that. I just want them to feel free to let the emotions happen and be happy experiencing it. Any advice you can give me is appreciated.
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