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finallyhome

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I have been involved in a triad for over a year. I have some questions and issues. My "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" have been married for 15 years. She insists on one-one sex with the husband however, believes it is not allowed for me. I feel very left out as a result. I am not asking to replace her after a years shouldn't she realize this? I mean I have needs to be met as well. I mean our time with all 3 together is amazing. But I sometimes would like some one- one time with him to reassure myself that I am more than an additional toy for that part of their marriage. Does this seem wrong or unfair? I know at one point she felt like I was trying to replace her so I think to get over that she has set this line in the sand. So I feel like I am just an object not a partner in the relationship. He wants to have a one-one relationship with both of us. I also have that I will always be second best feeling alot to the point I have considered ending the relationship but I truly love them both so very much! I am willing to suffer thru the feelings and push them aside not to hurt either of them. I know they care/ love me in return I am just not sure it is in the same way I do them
 
"wrong" or "unfair".

Totally depends upon whether or not these are the terms the three of you agreed to.

That said-there is NOTHING wrong with asking to re-negotiate.
But you (nor they) can demand that anyone change. You can only decide whether or not the current dynamic works for you.

Personally-I wouldn't be willing to live with those constraints. But, we have different constraints that other people wouldn't be willing to live with-but we are.

You are individuals, if you are unhappy with the situation as it stands, then it's time to ask for a re-negotiation meeting. If changes can't be negotiated that will work for all of you-then you leave.
 
thank you

I have been talking with her about the situation. I understand her concerns and I am willing to handle the constraints for the time being since she has explained her reasons in more detail. I may not agree but I respect her position for the time being. I did however tell her that if this request for alone time with what she refers to as "our" husband can't be ever allowed then I will have to go elsewhere. I don't want her to feel pressured as we all evolve in this relationship at a different pace. At the beginning it was just fun in bed I had gotten out of a terrible marriage and they were willing to fulfill the physical needs I had. However after nearly 2 years to be exact I have devoloped a relationship with them both and the "role" we all have in this has shifted some and so I believe lines need to be rethought. Thank you for your help. It would be so less of a hard choice if I didn't love them and our relationship so very much. They are my best friends and lovers but it is looking more long term to me and I am not sure they are to that place just yet.
 
If you consider this a triad, and her your girlfriend, wouldn't you want alone time with her too?
 
Do you get one-on-one time with her? After a year I think re-negotiation would be an option. Maybe you can start gently, with dates? Then lead up to one on one sex in pairs?
 
explain

Good question. I do get time with her MORE than I do with him. He works nights we only see him about 2 hours a day and only have him home 2 nights a week. This is where the issue began. She and I share a bed every night we are not as sexually inclined with each other as with him but love snuggling etc. So I get lots of time with her and they get time together often for just them I am only asking for the same in return. It appears it is going to be a slower process than I had hoped. She is willing to reconsider she just needs time I believe. She is concerned about their children and still struggles with feeling "less than" sometimes. This just started again when he began working nights and our time became so limited.
 
That is a good idea. We began this as friends. I met him at work and we became friends then I met her and we took to each other right away as friends. As i got in the midst of a divorce they became my refuge and then we began having sex as the 3 of us basically to fulfil the physical needs I had. Since then things have grown and changed. I use to ride to work with him and we had time to just talk and joke together. We never have anytime alone. She and I now ride to work together and have pretty much all but 8 hours a day together. SO it is just a big adjustment for us all. I know he misses time with us both. It is just with the emotional bond we have grown over last year or so I would like to experience the physical with just him as well to validate that I am no longer a toy or a charity case but someone he wants as a part of his life.
 
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