Realizing your not a priority- ouch
- Thread starter lisa6
- Start date
Hi lisa6,
It seems to me that Kate has different ideas of what she wants from her relationship with you and your husband, compared to what you two are hoping for with her. Maybe you're finding out that she's not compatible with you. To some extent she seems to take advantage of your goodwill for her, but I can't tell how much of that is her having a different idea of how a relationship works. Also, I'm not sure how much she craves the kind of intimate time you would expect on a date. Maybe she doesn't need that very often.
I don't blame you for being upset, and I am inclined to suggest to you to break up with Kate, or at least dial down your amount of involvement with her, which you are already doing. You've tried to talk to her about your concerns and she has brushed that off as "nagging," so the only thing left is for you and your husband to decide whether you'll tolerate her frequent canceling of dates. If not, then breaking up seems to be the thing to do.
Sorry you are in this crappy situation.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
It seems to me that Kate has different ideas of what she wants from her relationship with you and your husband, compared to what you two are hoping for with her. Maybe you're finding out that she's not compatible with you. To some extent she seems to take advantage of your goodwill for her, but I can't tell how much of that is her having a different idea of how a relationship works. Also, I'm not sure how much she craves the kind of intimate time you would expect on a date. Maybe she doesn't need that very often.
I don't blame you for being upset, and I am inclined to suggest to you to break up with Kate, or at least dial down your amount of involvement with her, which you are already doing. You've tried to talk to her about your concerns and she has brushed that off as "nagging," so the only thing left is for you and your husband to decide whether you'll tolerate her frequent canceling of dates. If not, then breaking up seems to be the thing to do.
Sorry you are in this crappy situation.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Marcus
Well-known member
Tit for Tat
I agree with kdt26417 in that, you guys are coming at this from different perspectives; your expectations are not lining up at all.
This isn't one persons fault, I feel like I should mention, but all people involved.
This approach to relating to people is not going to be constructive. What you are describing here is "collecting ammunition". Instead of doing things because you want to do them, and making decisions based on what is healthy for you, you are doing things to hold against someone later and making decisions to prove a point.
I would take a close and honest look at this. If having healthy associations is what you crave, what you have described is not a good blueprint for accomplishing that goal.
I agree with kdt26417 in that, you guys are coming at this from different perspectives; your expectations are not lining up at all.
This isn't one persons fault, I feel like I should mention, but all people involved.
This approach to relating to people is not going to be constructive. What you are describing here is "collecting ammunition". Instead of doing things because you want to do them, and making decisions based on what is healthy for you, you are doing things to hold against someone later and making decisions to prove a point.
I would take a close and honest look at this. If having healthy associations is what you crave, what you have described is not a good blueprint for accomplishing that goal.
Emm
Stealth Mod
So Kate is a single mother, but you expect her to put your demands for sex higher on her list of priorities than her children or her own health? And when she offers flexibility because she needs to work around her existing responsibilites you reject it because she should have made an effort to adhere to your schedule?
You're the one taking advantage here, not her.
You're the one taking advantage here, not her.