really exciting chnges that make me feel just giddy and happy!

[kala83]

my primary boyfriend and I have been togethe for quite a while now about three years.

we have been in mostly a mono/poly relationship but it seems like its geting to a point where it could become fully poly and there was not really any pressure put onto this point he seems genuinely interested in learning more all on his own.

me and my boyfriend actually went out to a poly potlock this last week and he has really opened up to the idea of non -monogamy it will be a slow gentle process, and we have already had some bumps for us in our life. But we have made it through a lot of the pot holes. We really want to meet more people in our locals areas, to hangout with or possibly start seeing on a more intimate level. we both are super comfortable with the idea of dating girls. Guys are lol well its an open idea for us but I feel like myself and him have a lil bit of hesitation with it. I have had a few occurrences in my experience with things, that males don't really except established rules and boundaries as well as others. I have often felt like men try to take you away from the partners you already have. to some how get you to be ALL their own. But I guess I have not ever dated young guys my age that are poly them selves maybe that’s why.
I have not always gotten the impression that people know truly and fully what being poly is. So many people think its swinging or other stuff that is similar and its not set up that way. And for me I don't want just a fuck buddy wither the person is trans,intersex,female or male or non binary for that matter
smile emoticon
I want real emotional connections lol then if its ok with BOTH parties I want sex. But its certainly not all I want.....

 

[FallenAngelina]

I want real emotional connections lol then if its ok with BOTH parties I want sex. But its certainly not all I want.....

The more solid YOU are in what you're all about, the more harmonious relationships you'll attract. It doesn't matter what "people" think poly is. The only thing that matters is your having a clear minded and unapologetic vibe about the kinds of relationships you want. This is true for everyone: mono, poly, gay, bi - everyone. It doesn't matter if "men" are more mono minded. What matters is the signal you're putting out and who you're attracting. Personally, I rarely run into anyone who wants me all to him/herself, whether they are self-identified poly or not. I tend to attract people who don't have issues with freedom and who don't have cheating issues, one way or another - no matter if they've heard of poly or not. This just reflects my own non-issues with cheating and freedom. (Don't worry, I have my own bugaboo issues and I recognize that I do attract people who bring these out in the relationship.) Life happens FOR us, not TO us and the more you hold that perspective, the less you need people to be a certain way and then you're free to enjoy and let relationships just be what they are, which is information about yourself.

All of the "where to find cool people" jabber is just hokum. People fit with us when we are ready to be fit with. If you (general YOU) have an issue, you can be certain that you'll attract people who bring it out in you no matter what group or circle or city you're in.

 

[kala83]

I do truly believe that is true, just for some reason I have just also meet and come across people in my life.....some times want to act a certain way toward me when I frist meet them an then I start to realize I am being taken advantage of by people as well.


I don't know why this is...I try to just genuinely by myself but I sitll come across people like this but I have learned well enough to open my eyes to this kind of thing when it happens and tell people to fuck off if I need to

 

[vinsanity0]

Guys are lol well its an open idea for us but I feel like myself and him have a lil bit of hesitation with it. I have had a few occurrences in my experience with things, that males don't really except established rules and boundaries as well as others. I have often felt like men try to take you away from the partners you already have. to some how get you to be ALL their own. But I guess I have not ever dated young guys my age that are poly them selves maybe that’s why.

Trust me, women do that too. I think most people probably find it frustrating to run up against a wall of rules. Not only is that severely limiting, but it keeps the relationship out of their control.

 

[FallenAngelina]

I try to just genuinely by myself but I sitll come across people like this but I have learned well enough to open my eyes to this kind of thing when it happens and tell people to fuck off if I need to

This is the story you've got going, so this is what you'll encounter with people. If you anticipate that things will develop into a "fuck off" situation, then they will. Change your story, change your life. "People" aren't statues or paintings, they are reflections of the aspects we choose to see. If you perceive that "people" are taking advantage of you, then you've got a good place to start working on how you perceive yourself in relation to others. We can, steadily and little by little, change our experiences with others by changing how we perceive ourselves. People and situations are never set in stone.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi kala83,

That is exciting that your primary boyfriend has become interested in poly. I hope the two of you find just the right person to date!

Sincerely,
Kevin T.