Reasonable rules?

Emm said:
I explained earlier why I believe correct usage—here, on this website in particular—is important, but here it is again:

You even gave an example in reply showing what can happen when someone thinks slapping a "Boundary!" label on a rule means it's more legitimate than calling it what it is.
Click to expand...

And this whole discussion is an example of why labelling anything referred to as a rule as bad can cause one to make short -sighted and misplaced judgements
 
Emm said:
Am I now going to have to provide examples showing that an agreement isn't a boundary, or are you willing to concede that without a dictionary?
Click to expand...

An agreement with my spouse not to share our marital bed becomes a boundary for others. We agree to set a rule that other partners aren't allowed on our bed. That's a boundary if you want a relationship with us. Not actually true for us, just an example
 
SEASONEDpolyAgain said:
An agreement with my spouse not to share our marital bed becomes a boundary for others.
Click to expand...

An agreement with your spouse not to share your marital bed becomes a RULE for others. I don't care if we have sex in your marital bed so it's not a boundary for me at all, it's a RULE that I can choose to go along with or not. Understanding the difference between these words and using them correctly is important in creating a more positive atmosphere in relationships and no, their difference is not only recognized in this forum community. Here is an example from an education website:


BOUNDARIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN RULES
The subtlety of the differences between boundaries and rules makes it easy to discount the impact each can have on the emotional climate in a classroom and the quality of the relationship between teachers and students. However, teachers who endeavor to shift from the win-lose familiarity of rules to the win-win prospects of boundaries report a significant decrease in conflicts and power struggles in their classes, and far greater success in reaching kids previously deemed difficult, unmotivated or, in some instances, even dangerous, than with any strategy previously attempted.
 
FallenAngelina said:
An agreement with your spouse not to share your marital bed becomes a RULE for others. I don't care if we have sex in your marital bed so it's not a boundary for me at all, it's a RULE that I can choose to go along with or not. Understanding the difference between these words and using them correctly is important in creating a more positive atmosphere in relationships and no, their difference is not only recognized in this forum community. Here is an example from an education website:


BOUNDARIES ARE MORE EFFECTIVE THAN RULES
The subtlety of the differences between boundaries and rules makes it easy to discount the impact each can have on the emotional climate in a classroom and the quality of the relationship between teachers and students. However, teachers who endeavor to shift from the win-lose familiarity of rules to the win-win prospects of boundaries report a significant decrease in conflicts and power struggles in their classes, and far greater success in reaching kids previously deemed difficult, unmotivated or, in some instances, even dangerous, than with any strategy previously attempted.
Click to expand...

As I expressed earlier, I'd consider it a violation of my boundaries if a partner or metamour continually asked me to break what I consider to be rules. In this case, it would be a joint rule that I agreed with my partner. I didn't express that in the quoted post because I didn't think I needed to reiterate that part. I agree that "no metamours in the marital bed" is a rule though. And I completely agree that it's something one would have to decide whether they are compatible or not.

Do people think MsEmotional would benefit from insisting her (ex?) partner calls these limitations "boundaries" since they are agreed by the couple? If so, how would that conversation change whether or not such limitations work for her?
 
Very few people who've graduated grammar school cite Wikipedia uncritically. While it CAN be a great starting point, it is crowdsourced, subject to change at whim, often biased. That particular article is barely clinging to Class C status, which generally means much unfounded opinion, & major gaps in presentation.

SEASONEDpolyAgain, this thread is now past five pages, & everything from post 14 through 45 has centered around you trying to impose your viewpoint upon everyone else. It's dragged the thread off-topic when it should have become its own thread.

I don't regret participating, as such misapprehensions ought not be allowed to stand & thus be cited by others.

But at this point, however well-intentioned your insistence, it looks like trolling. I hope that you'll drop it before you get banned.
 
Ravenscroft said:
Very few people who've graduated grammar school cite Wikipedia uncritically. While it CAN be a great starting point, it is crowdsourced, subject to change at whim, often biased. That particular article is barely clinging to Class C status, which generally means much unfounded opinion, & major gaps in presentation.

SEASONEDpolyAgain, this thread is now past five pages, & everything from post 14 through 45 has centered around you trying to impose your viewpoint upon everyone else. It's dragged the thread off-topic when it should have become its own thread.

I don't regret participating, as such misapprehensions ought not be allowed to stand & thus be cited by others.

But at this point, however well-intentioned your insistence, it looks like trolling. I hope that you'll drop it before you get banned.
Click to expand...

You do understand that I'm saying that imposing language is arbitrary and the opposing argument is that one must use certain terms or it is incorrect?
 
So if I was dating a partner who said to me: I am an early bird, I turn off my computer at 9 and go to bed by 10 every night. I like to plan my week in advance so if you want a date, let me know by Saturday. And, oh, btw, Wednesday & Friday are always booked because I have game night with my besties those days, I'd be open to that.

However, the rules you mention also can be used a proxy to control how much you relationship can grow...Does home by 10pm allow you to cuddle up with him watching Netflix until 2am? Why are Wednesdays & Fridays off limits -- it is arbitrary rule, or do they have prior commitments on those nights?
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top