Second hand smoke?

M

MsEmotional

Member
Glasses brought home MsPolitical for the first time this evening. I hadn’t realized that she smoked, but there was a strong presence of third-hand smoke when she came in. I was really surprised because we don’t have have any other friends or family who smoke and so it hadn’t occurred to me that Glasses might bring a heavy smoker into the house until now.

I don’t know her well, but she and Glasses have been friends for many years and I would like him to be happy — especially since it was really hard for him when Ginger left town again.....I am also worried because I get migraines from the smell of smoke and the kids haven’t been around it at all (they are with their grandparents this evening but the smell was strong enough that I think they will notice it tomorrow when they come home....and of course if things deepen beteeen Glasses and MsPolitical the kids might spend time with her directly).

Is there a reasonable boundary that I can ask for in order to limit my exposure and the exposure to our kids?
 
No smoking during time with your kids is reasonable, in my opinion. If it gives you migraines just to have her in your home, then it would be reasonable (to me) to not have her there unless you are not home and Glasses is able to rid the house of the smell before you return

Boy vapes. He doesn't do it when little girl is around. He limits it to right before bed or other times that he will not be hugging/holding her until after he changes clothes. Vaping leaves a pleasant odor, at least, but the effects of the chemicals are still questionable so my kid isn't exposed. Luckily he's on the same page so we've never even had to have a conversation about it.
 
You might try talking to Glasses about it, and see if he’s willing to chat with MsPolitical about the smoke smell. I myself am a smoker, but I try very hard to be considerate to those around me who don’t. I have kids, so I definitely understand not wanting to expose them to my smoking. I smoke outside exclusively, wash my hands and brush teeth, use a jacket to wear while smoking and put it away when done, lightly spritz with a light-scented body spray. Most people don’t know I smoke since I do all this.

Perhaps MsPolitical would be accommodating in some way while at your home if she is made aware of the impact. I know I myself am if I’m told, as I’m not always aware. Maybe she could put on a freshly cleaned outfit before coming over, have a jacket that she never wears while smoking, etc. If she doesn’t feel so accommodating, you could ask Glasses to only meet at her place to reduce exposure.
 
Jayla said:
You might try talking to Glasses about it, and see if he’s willing to chat with MsPolitical about the smoke smell. I myself am a smoker, but I try very hard to be considerate to those around me who don’t. I have kids, so I definitely understand not wanting to expose them to my smoking. I smoke outside exclusively, wash my hands and brush teeth, use a jacket to wear while smoking and put it away when done, lightly spritz with a light-scented body spray. Most people don’t know I smoke since I do all this.
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Very much this. I used to smoke in my younger days and it drove my then BF and his missus nuts early on. My own GF wasn't particularly enamoured of it either.

Without resorting to giving the habit up, recommending doing stuff to minimise the exposure of the cigarette smoke and smell would be fine, I think, and a couple other suggestions: after finishing up, I either had a stick of gum right afterwards or took a swig of mouthwash (neither BF/GF had much inclination of kissing old smoke-y breath here!) if I had no time to brush my teeth and wash-up more thoroughly. -_-
 
I am highly allergic to the Solanaceae family of plants. Aka the Nightshades. I am extremely allergic to tobacco and a severe asthmatic. So much so that I have to wear a mask in public when there is a risk of coming in contact with a smoker and I have a service dog to help me avoid surfaces with tobacco residue. I carry gloves and wipes with me to clean surfaces such as grocery carts. I have had to ask for accommodation via the ADA at work to keep a certain worker away from me due to his heavy smoking. I am borderline anaphlatic. I am anaphlatic to eggplant and raw tomatoes which are the same family. I am also allergic to peppers and white potatoes.

I would have to tell my partner who dated a smoker that they would either have to go to a neutral location qnd strip, shower, change, and pass my dog before they could be near me. The person could NEVER be in my home, car, or around myself or my children.
 
Thanks everyone! I talked to Glasses and he was very understanding and didn’t interpret my concerns as an attempt to drive a wedge between them or anything (that was my main worry — that there wasn’t a way to ask for this without it sounding like “your partner smells gross and I don’t want her around our children”). Not sure exactly how things will play out, but I appreciate that he understands that this is a valid concern that he and MsPolitical will try to mitigate.
 
It sounds like things are working out so far. That's good to hear, for me it would be a difficult conversation to have. Maybe Glasses could see her at her house, and shower as soon as he got home, just a thought.
 
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