Seeking advice as a Beginner

A

Attempter28

New member
Hello everyone.
As the title of this thread suggests, I'm new to this and would appreciate any advice regarding first steps. First, a brief history and some context: I am a 28 year old man. I've been happily married for about two years and it was only recently that my wife and I decided to try opening our relationship. Up until now we have been monogamous. We've talked it through and set some ground rules but neither of us has actually initiated a relationship with another person. I'm fairly optimistic (my wife is very open-minded regarding the change) but now that I've met someone, I'm not sure how to broach the topic to her--this new, potential partner that is. I've already made plans to take a walk with her after class, but haven't yet disclosed the details of my marriage. My question is: what is the proper way to explain my desires for a relationship with this person truthfully? Do I just explain to her that my wife and I have an open relationship, and that I would really like to enter a relationship with her as well? To be more specific: I don't foresee any relationship developing between this woman and my wife. More like two separate relationships. I understand that some of this is trial and error; I can't control how she reacts, of course, but I'm afraid of projecting the wrong image. Please feel free to have me elaborate in any area I've not fully explained. Like I said, I'm new and mostly ignorant of terminology.
 
Attempter28 said:
I've met someone, I'm not sure how to broach the topic to her--this new, potential partner that is. I've already made plans to take a walk with her after class, but haven't yet disclosed the details of my marriage. My question is: what is the proper way to explain my desires for a relationship with this person truthfully?
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If I am talking to someone who I am even remotely interested in (romantically) and I have any indication that they are even remotely interested in me (romantically), I get the whole "I'm not monogamous" discussion taken care of quickly. People tend to volunteer information about their past partners, lovers, relationships, etc - I use that as the opportunity.

For me though, I'm completely out in the open and I'm not married, and I have a highly independent approach to relating to people - so it may be a different situation for you.

Attempter28 said:
Do I just explain to her that my wife and I have an open relationship, and that I would really like to enter a relationship with her as well?
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"Enter a relationship with her" made me chuckle. I think getting out there that you are married and available will prompt whatever discussions are appropriate. Then, like normal human adults getting to know each other, you can get to know each other.

If you guys end up being romantic then that will be a thing, if not, it will be some other thing. I just wouldn't put the cart before the horse - let it play out the way that is natural for the two of you.
 
Hi Attempter28,

I think my advice would be to tell her (when there's an opening in the conversation), "I'm in an open marriage." Or something to that effect. I wouldn't propose a relationship with her right away, like Marcus said it's better to carry on in a friendly fashion and see how the chemistry plays out. No need to get too intense in the beginning.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thanks for your responses. Just getting another perspective and some terminology is extremely helpful in itself, but you both make a good point: I may be thinking too far ahead, putting the cart before the horse, as you say. I'll remember this for our next conversation.
 
Ask her what she is looking for!

Hi there,

There is lots of good advice above.

One other thing to consider is asking her what she is looking for in a romantic relationship first. This can give you an indication of whether you are even compatible, and can be a less awkward segway into a discussion about your current situation and what you are looking for (and how your interests match hopefully).

Kudos to you for not trying to make your partners date each other.

A couple of good resources for learning basics and vocab (if you are interested) include
 
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