Sex addict or high libido

A

apexcone

New member
I'm guessing this post could be a powder keg, I hope its not because its also my story and has been a real struggle of me.

I want to say right upfront that I'm not here to judge, because I've asked myself those questions many times, "have I got an addiction problem" Is my desire normal, what the fu.k is normal. I have read many posts on this wonderful forum about folks whose sex drive is through the roof and much of it resonated with me. Am I weird or is this ok.

My conclusion after an exhaustive amount of self examination and research was actually quite simple. Can I say NO to desire, or am I a prisoner of something that should be serving me, instead of being a slave to it. Addiction is about a co dependant desire that gets hold of us.

If any of you have read my intro, you will know that I've been in an open relationship for 20 + years. If Im honest my sexual appetite as a young man was through the roof, always looking, always desiring and masturbating on a daily basis, nothing wrong with that as long as I'm in control of the desire and can say NO and its not coming from some deep psychological trauma that's masking itself as a high libido.

I've learned that saying no is the most powerful thing I can do and say to myself, learning to have balance in my life regarding my sexual appetite and agenda has been liberating. At 67 I'm still very sexually active, with my wife and girl friend, I adore the female body and how it makes me feel when I'm in a playful mood, but I've learned to master that desire and stop letting it master me.

Still got a long way to go, Im not out of the woods yet, but I can see a path that looks healthy.
 
opalescent said:
Many experts have argued that sex addiction is not an addiction like alcohol or drug addiction. Can compulsive sex seeking be a problem and cause disruptions in life? Yes absolutely but that does not make it an addiction.

David R. Ley, Ph.D, wrote a book about it:

I find this argument compelling. I suggest you take a look at it. You can also google his name to find public articles about his work and/or written by him.
Click to expand...


Thanks, I'll take a look, sounds interesting.

In my limited understanding addiction is a brain disorder. In my view whether the term "sex addiction" is or isn't classified as an addiction in the classic sense is irrelevant. In the end the problem, if it is a problem, has to be defined by the fruit. If there's an apple on the tree it's most lightly an apple tree, how to treat it is a different question.

Surely the key to freedom and balance isn't finding more partners, its asking "Is this compulsive need serving something else in me?" I am convinced that in my case it was deep emotional woundedness, that masked itself as a high sex drive. I'm very aware that many folks have a high sex drive, I still do, but since facing some of my previous trauma and becoming more emotionally whole I could see that my previous sexual appetite was unhealthy. As I said I'm more leaning towards "compulsive sexual gratification" being rooted in deep unresolved trauma.

As previously mentioned, not being able to exercise some control over my desires and say NO was a clear indication that I had a problem that more sex wasn't going to cure.

Just my 2 cents.
 
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