Sharing with acquaintances

JadeDoor

New member
How do you handle sharing your lifestyle with people who aren't exactly friends but who you interact with often and who might figure it out on their own?

Our situation - DH and I are married and his ex wife/girlfriend lives with us. DH's brother also lives with us and he and I are dating. My kids are in little league and DH and BIL were asked to coach this year. We will all be at games together and though we are not all over each other, there is definitely a weird vibe that some other parents have picked up on.

DH is wondering if he should chat with the head coach over coffee and tell him about our family to make sure this won't be an issue. If it will be, he and his brother will drop out of coaching and just let our kids play on the team. If it won't be, then at least it will be in the open and the kids can play and DH and BIL can coach.

Has anyone had a similar situation? I'm not too keen on sharing but I don't want someone to see DH and his gf out in town sometime holding hands and start to wonder about things halfway through the season and then everything gets awkward.
 
Choices

The honest truth is, this is something you just have to shrug off, if you want to do this lifestyle. You can tell everyone and be completely open and honest (this does not mean you have to go around sharing ALL the time, just don't hide it and if people ask, tell the truth).

Most likely you have things holding you back from that, fears of losing your job, etc.

So, be discreet as you can....don't be affectionate in public....treat them in a way you can pretend they're your "friend," even though people will gossip and suspect.

There's really not a whole lot of other options....well, it's the forum, so, hey, anyone who disagrees, I'd be happy to know other ways to go about it! :)
 
I'd walk right up to them all at once with no warning and say, "we're non-monogamous, and we're all fine with it. If you are going to judge us unfavorably, let's get that over with so we can move forward and deal with it. Is this a problem when it comes to coaching? All we want is for our kids to play on the team." Don't build up to it with "we need to sit down and talk about something". Just act normal. And yes, i do mean ACT normal, even if it doesn't FEEL normal. This is the only way to make it normal, if you plan to continue with this um, "lifestyle". I don't like the use of that word because it implies that all people in multiple relationships share some kind of "thing" in common... It's like saying that monogamous relationships are a common "lifestyle", but whatever. It upsets people on here too much when they are told their choice of words is presumptuous. You go ahead and say "lifestyle" all you want, just to show me that i can't tell you what to do.
 
I don't announce, but I don't hide. I just leave it. If someone questions, I explain. In situations where it's best to not be 'outted' I am respectful but it's the same thing I suppose as going to church. I wouldn't be making out with someone in church! But I might hold their hand or exchange looks.

Honestly, I prefer just letting people ask and acting natural if only because by NOT making it a big deal when those people who are interested ask, they learn it's not a big deal.
 
I don't announce, but I don't hide. I just leave it. If someone questions, I explain. In situations where it's best to not be 'outted' I am respectful but it's the same thing I suppose as going to church. I wouldn't be making out with someone in church! But I might hold their hand or exchange looks.

Honestly, I prefer just letting people ask and acting natural if only because by NOT making it a big deal when those people who are interested ask, they learn it's not a big deal.



This is what i do, but in some cases, being pro-active may be called-for.

I only have to be concerned with repercussions that affect me, but when it affects what activities my (nonexistent) children might be included in or excluded from, it is probably better to be one step ahead of the rumour mill.
 
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It is trickier with kids I admit, and so again depending on what is going on, I remain 'respectful' like in church. No need to cause a scene. I do get proactive, such as now I have a meeting at the high school with a teacher and have already spoken to the principal. They have no LGBT org there and so I am pushing for one and helping to organize it. In the process why I am interested and what 'credentials' I have comes up and I like to be totally forthright so there's no issue, or at least not one that is't dealt with head on!
 
if you plan to continue with this um, "lifestyle". I don't like the use of that word because it implies that all people in multiple relationships share some kind of "thing" in common... It's like saying that monogamous relationships are a common "lifestyle", but whatever. It upsets people on here too much when they are told their choice of words is presumptuous. You go ahead and say "lifestyle" all you want, just to show me that i can't tell you what to do.

um, are you speaking to me or people in general? lol. I definitely don't feel that way.
 
My concern is definitely for our kids. We can handle things as far as the adults are concerned but we don't want to see our kids "outted" in the middle of the season.
 
Usually I wait for the question. Sometimes the expression is enough that I answer the unspoken question. Frequently I lead with "we have an alternative lifestyle."
I do NOT give up kisses hello/goodbye, hand holding etc in public places.
 
um, are you speaking to me or people in general? lol. I definitely don't feel that way.

I'm speaking more about myself than TO anyone especially. There is a tendency for whoever started a thread to take the word "you" as being applied to themselves. I am also getting used to it when people think i have some sort of power over how they compose sentences, and i choose to express my ennui in a way that mocks my own use of language as well as that of others.

I hope that clears up any misunderstanding. :)
 
I think going to the head coach to "warn" him about your private life will just make a much bigger deal out of it than it needs to be. It's nobody's business who or what you're doing, so why announce it like it is some earth-shattering news they need to be prepared for?

Just let them go and sign up to be coaches and make sure you don't go making out in a dugout with your BIL or something. I mean, people can be close and affectionate with in-laws without rolling around in a pile of leaves. I'm not saying you should hide, but just be appropriate with PDAs. If anyone asks you what's going on, determine who needs to know and who doesn't. For the ones who you feel comfortable telling, figure out a way to say it that won't be off-putting.

There is already a lot of threads here on "coming out" if you do a search (the Search function is your friend!), which surely contain very good ways to word it to people.
 
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Completely open?

It sounds, from the responses, that many people on the forum are actively and openly poly. That is, they no more hide it than any monogamous couple, not that EVERYONE knows about their situation.

Is this true?

If so, any thoughts to share on how you got to that point, difficulties, how it works...?

Very interested.
 
It sounds, from the responses, that many people on the forum are actively and openly poly. That is, they no more hide it than any monogamous couple, not that EVERYONE knows about their situation.

Is this true?

If so, any thoughts to share on how you got to that point, difficulties, how it works...?

Very interested.


Also if you are wondering about how people are out or come out you can do a search! I know there's been threads recently where people discussed being out and how far out and with who and all of that. Try search tags like 'open' 'out of the closet' things like that!
 
there's a fine line between "completely open" and throwing it in everyones face till they are repulsed by it.

for myself, yes, i have a desire to scream at the top of my lungs "this is me", ... but i step back a bit and think "if someone else did that same thing to say they were gay, or straight, or poly, or mono, ... i'd actually see that as my first impression of them and really not like it"

so i keep quiet, ... the closest friends know, others, if they ask i'll tell, family (the family that i like) knows, everyone else, ... as much as i would want them to know, i'm also just as fine telling them if they ask and otherwise leaving it at that.
 
To whoever asked.
We are "out completely"
How we got there is we just agreed we werent going to be liars. We told our kids and explained what it meant in terms of their lives.
We treat our partners as part of the family.
We dont change hiw we act with them "because someones watching".
When someone asks questions we answer as clearly as possible.
 
Without really reading anyone elses reply my response is, it's not anyone's business. If it comes back to you just deal with it head on and tell them it's none of their business.

In my situation, the woman I consider my best friend and have never ever even seen nude, is often accused of sleeping with me. I also am accused of sleeping with her although I haven't. The ones that come and ask me, I tell them that, "Not that it's any of your business, No!"

I guess if I actually was sleeping with her I would probably ask, "...and why would this be any of your business?"

I don't know...I just hate people poking their nose where it doesn't belong.
 
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