I like roller coasters...really I do but not emotional roller coasters!
So...I am getting to know my Husbands slave better...learning about her and her past and what she has been through...we are so so different and yet so alike...I can empathize with her and genuinely want her to be happy...I see how happy my Husband makes her and I am so happy for her...I understand her BDSM needs and know my Husband is the perfect Dom for her...I want this for her so much
But it's my husband?
I don't want to share him I don't want this...coping yes...but they haven't had sex solo yet...the very thought kills me
I watched them together at SAMs club the other day goofing off...I wasmsomhappy for how much they were both enjoying each other and the moment...
He still struggles with this...He is doing better since I stopped trying to control everything...the D/s dynamics are starting to fall into place...I think he let me take control but I don't want it! He says its not a need just a want...but just like I have certain needs...I understand He has needs to that I can't meet and I want Him to have all His needs met
I watch my kids at home having so much fun with her and they are doing so many more after school things now because she is available to drive them...they are so much happier with her here
i can handle the D/s I've gotten that emotionally under control...I can handle the oral sez solo and masturbation....but I can't cope with solo sex it's not ok...I want it to be...I want her happy i want him happy i want my kids happy
*sigh*
She isn't a threat...unless I am a total moron my Husband loves me and what we have ... I know I shouldn't be insecure or anxious
What to do?
I am doing better than I would have thought ...last year solo oral sex was devastating so it stands to reason that I will get there
But the loss of what I thought my marriage was...the loss of that fairy tale "im the only girl" for him is still devastating...I missed two days of work last week just distraught over it...I ended up driving for hours...what scared me was i actually considered suicide it just hurts so much and I feel like I have no way out no way away from pain...no im not suicidal but I didn't like that I gave it so much thought
Not doing this wont help me...he can't take back what he said...can't go back in time...I don't want Him to not realize his needs and frankly I want her to have what I know he can give her...
so weird to be happy for her and happy for him ... i really want this for them...and all the while i feel like im being selfish thinking "what about me?" But what about me?
But on a positive He agrees i should start seeing a therapist...He tried to stop everything again I just do not believe that is the answer...And now I feel HORRIBLE that my hurting is hurting Him so much!
What the hell to do?
o...and she told Him she loved Him...I genuinely like her and I get that what she wants is to be secondary and be His slave...but I felt a lil bitchy when I found that out...
I don't now...just needed some time
Not looking for advice unless you have any on finding an alternative lifestyle counselor! I just needed to vent .... I take good care of my family and good care of my patients...just feeling like no one is taking care of me...guess that's what I need to tell my Husband! can't change the past ...need to focus on solutions... Stop,pressuring myself for solo sex to be ok...it isn't but I believe I will get there...they are both ok waiting...we are a good group...the only problem is really me
~~~the cast~~~
epiphany - 40 yo bi female mono(!!!) married to and submissive to Master D
Master D - epiphany owner and husband, also owns slave k monoamorous...exploring polysexual
slave k- 33 bi female slave owned by Master D
So...I am getting to know my Husbands slave better...learning about her and her past and what she has been through...we are so so different and yet so alike...I can empathize with her and genuinely want her to be happy...I see how happy my Husband makes her and I am so happy for her...I understand her BDSM needs and know my Husband is the perfect Dom for her...I want this for her so much
But it's my husband?
I don't want to share him I don't want this...coping yes...but they haven't had sex solo yet...the very thought kills me
I watched them together at SAMs club the other day goofing off...I wasmsomhappy for how much they were both enjoying each other and the moment...
He still struggles with this...He is doing better since I stopped trying to control everything...the D/s dynamics are starting to fall into place...I think he let me take control but I don't want it! He says its not a need just a want...but just like I have certain needs...I understand He has needs to that I can't meet and I want Him to have all His needs met
I watch my kids at home having so much fun with her and they are doing so many more after school things now because she is available to drive them...they are so much happier with her here
i can handle the D/s I've gotten that emotionally under control...I can handle the oral sez solo and masturbation....but I can't cope with solo sex it's not ok...I want it to be...I want her happy i want him happy i want my kids happy
*sigh*
She isn't a threat...unless I am a total moron my Husband loves me and what we have ... I know I shouldn't be insecure or anxious
What to do?
I am doing better than I would have thought ...last year solo oral sex was devastating so it stands to reason that I will get there
But the loss of what I thought my marriage was...the loss of that fairy tale "im the only girl" for him is still devastating...I missed two days of work last week just distraught over it...I ended up driving for hours...what scared me was i actually considered suicide it just hurts so much and I feel like I have no way out no way away from pain...no im not suicidal but I didn't like that I gave it so much thought
Not doing this wont help me...he can't take back what he said...can't go back in time...I don't want Him to not realize his needs and frankly I want her to have what I know he can give her...
so weird to be happy for her and happy for him ... i really want this for them...and all the while i feel like im being selfish thinking "what about me?" But what about me?
But on a positive He agrees i should start seeing a therapist...He tried to stop everything again I just do not believe that is the answer...And now I feel HORRIBLE that my hurting is hurting Him so much!
What the hell to do?
o...and she told Him she loved Him...I genuinely like her and I get that what she wants is to be secondary and be His slave...but I felt a lil bitchy when I found that out...
I don't now...just needed some time
Not looking for advice unless you have any on finding an alternative lifestyle counselor! I just needed to vent .... I take good care of my family and good care of my patients...just feeling like no one is taking care of me...guess that's what I need to tell my Husband! can't change the past ...need to focus on solutions... Stop,pressuring myself for solo sex to be ok...it isn't but I believe I will get there...they are both ok waiting...we are a good group...the only problem is really me
~~~the cast~~~
epiphany - 40 yo bi female mono(!!!) married to and submissive to Master D
Master D - epiphany owner and husband, also owns slave k monoamorous...exploring polysexual
slave k- 33 bi female slave owned by Master D
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