Starting over

[Valynn]

The only way it would be manipulative would be if she knew he's a mono guy looking for something exclusive yet she continued to pursue the relationship all the while not intending to be monogamous with him and continuing to leave him in the dark about her own non-monogamy.

But, she doesn't know that. You could make an argument that it's an ethical gray area but I'm not sure that would hold water because I know a lot of people that shy away from talking about anything long term on the first date or two.

I didn't think non-monogamy was a topic to talk about during his office holiday party. And subsequent phone conversations have not brought up any long term aspirations for our relationship so far.

As a rule, I tell people as soon as I possibly can (if it's a dating situation, it's usually in the first 20 minutes) because I see it as a filter. Regardless of how much I might like a particular person, if they're not ok with me being non-monogamous, there's no point in pursuing a relationship with them because it's not something that I'm willing to reconsider.

In this case, if I were in the OP's shoes, I'd have the conversation about what each person is looking for early in the visit, definitely before I had any sexy times with them. This way, if it's something he's not ok with, he'll have an opportunity to bug out gracefully before things get more serious.

I want to have the conversation ASAP. Even if this means that there may not be anything more (that weekend or otherwise). At least I am giving him the opportunity to make that decision.
_______________________________________

Earlier today I remembered that I have joined quite a few FB groups about non-monogamy & polyamory. Only 1 of 7 of those groups are openly listed in my FB about section. There is a possibility that Greg could have already scoped out this group and is waiting for me to say something to him?

 

[MadelinePender]

I agree with you.

 

[Valynn]

I agree with you.

Thanks. I am really going on advice of people here. This is the first relationship that I am (assuming) the poly/non-monogamous person in there. We shall see how it pans out in the next 2 weeks.

 

[Valynn]

Medieval update

I went to my local medieval group's coronation last night.

During the removal of the outgoing King & Queen crowns, my ex's phone rings (he is the incoming King for this year) and he rushes off to answer it, but missed the call. It was Dexus. Not 3 minutes later Dexus calls back and we all (Moma, Dion, Sephene & myself) had a long talk with him.

Sir was at the event as well. We were courteously social with some smoldering eye contact, but nothing more. During one conversation Moma pipes up. "Oh, She had a hot date in December!" I wanted to crawl under the table. *Sigh* But that is what parents do, embarrass their kids. So now Sir knows of Greg. We did not get to discuss anything more about that. But he looked like he approved of Greg.

Sir also commented that he went for an officer position in the SCA, but lost to another herald (which happens to be Greg). LOL I was floored that they too know each other. UGH Small medieval world!!

 

[icesong]

Haha it's the SCA, everyone knows everyone. That's why I date mundanes. ;-)

 

[Valynn]

Haha it's the SCA, everyone knows everyone. That's why I date mundanes. ;-)

LOL I get ya. 5 out of 7 of all my LTR's have been with SCAidian's.