Hey, Polyamory Forum!
I've been a member here for a few years, but I rarely post. I've been involved in polyamorous relationships for a little over three years now. In the past two months, I've been through three breakups. Mainly, I just want a place to express what's going on with me. Please provide support, love, virtual hugs, and the like. Also feel free to share similar experiences you've had or anecdotes you think I'd enjoy. <3
The first recent breakup (about two months ago) was due to her not being in contact with me for two months. We had been together for a year, and increasingly she wanted more room and space. She said she wanted the feeling of missing me before she saw me again. So I told her I'd wait until she contacted me. And then two months went by.
I learned that this is not what I would consider a relationship, that I wanted more consistent contact than that. So I called her and told her that I wanted a phone call once a week, and then to see her twice a month. She started talking about how she wants to explore, which is completely valid.
I said, "So it sounds like you're not willing to do this."
She said, "No."
I said, "Ok, then I don't think we should be involved with each other." And that was that.
The second breakup (about two weeks ago) happened with someone I absolutely adore, Meg. We get along in so many ways, she says I'm the perfect match for her, personality-wise. She wants to get married, have kids, all that stuff, none of which I'm opposed to.
About a month prior, I started seeing someone new, Bree. The one that adores me, Meg, said that she's tired of having to adjust to new lovers, and the insecurity that comes with it. She said that what she actually wants is monogamy. At this point, I knew I was standing in her way of what she actually wanted, so I started that conversation, and we broke up.
Another one of the new women I'm seeing, Michelle, we just recently broke up, too, about four days ago. It started out small, and then I told her what I wanted in a relationship: consistent contact, love and caring, and emotional intimacy. And then what would come out of that would be amazing sex.
Well, she was really into the amazing sex part. And also very flaky. She didn't keep a calendar, and setting certain time aside for me made her anxious. I tried letting go of the idea. I would set time aside for her (like an entire day), and check in a few days prior, only to find she'd forgotten about them and was going to do something else. This happened just today, as well. The feeling is that I'm done with this. I can't do anything with this kind of unreliability.
In the end, there's still one person I'm seeing. We just had our second date, which went well. Then she called me afterwards, and actually it was the call that was amazing. There was so much vulnerability, intimacy and closeness... We both moved towards each other. It was beautiful. I'm going to see her again at a friend's going away-party on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it.
Basically, I feel like I'm really just clearing away all the things that are not what I'm looking for, to make space for what I actually want to show up. And it's sad, frustrating. It hurts to break up, especially when it's happening so much so frequently.
Send love and hugs. Maybe cookies, too. <3
I've been a member here for a few years, but I rarely post. I've been involved in polyamorous relationships for a little over three years now. In the past two months, I've been through three breakups. Mainly, I just want a place to express what's going on with me. Please provide support, love, virtual hugs, and the like. Also feel free to share similar experiences you've had or anecdotes you think I'd enjoy. <3
The first recent breakup (about two months ago) was due to her not being in contact with me for two months. We had been together for a year, and increasingly she wanted more room and space. She said she wanted the feeling of missing me before she saw me again. So I told her I'd wait until she contacted me. And then two months went by.
I learned that this is not what I would consider a relationship, that I wanted more consistent contact than that. So I called her and told her that I wanted a phone call once a week, and then to see her twice a month. She started talking about how she wants to explore, which is completely valid.
I said, "So it sounds like you're not willing to do this."
She said, "No."
I said, "Ok, then I don't think we should be involved with each other." And that was that.
The second breakup (about two weeks ago) happened with someone I absolutely adore, Meg. We get along in so many ways, she says I'm the perfect match for her, personality-wise. She wants to get married, have kids, all that stuff, none of which I'm opposed to.
About a month prior, I started seeing someone new, Bree. The one that adores me, Meg, said that she's tired of having to adjust to new lovers, and the insecurity that comes with it. She said that what she actually wants is monogamy. At this point, I knew I was standing in her way of what she actually wanted, so I started that conversation, and we broke up.
Another one of the new women I'm seeing, Michelle, we just recently broke up, too, about four days ago. It started out small, and then I told her what I wanted in a relationship: consistent contact, love and caring, and emotional intimacy. And then what would come out of that would be amazing sex.
Well, she was really into the amazing sex part. And also very flaky. She didn't keep a calendar, and setting certain time aside for me made her anxious. I tried letting go of the idea. I would set time aside for her (like an entire day), and check in a few days prior, only to find she'd forgotten about them and was going to do something else. This happened just today, as well. The feeling is that I'm done with this. I can't do anything with this kind of unreliability.
In the end, there's still one person I'm seeing. We just had our second date, which went well. Then she called me afterwards, and actually it was the call that was amazing. There was so much vulnerability, intimacy and closeness... We both moved towards each other. It was beautiful. I'm going to see her again at a friend's going away-party on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it.
Basically, I feel like I'm really just clearing away all the things that are not what I'm looking for, to make space for what I actually want to show up. And it's sad, frustrating. It hurts to break up, especially when it's happening so much so frequently.
Send love and hugs. Maybe cookies, too. <3
