lafeelicite -- glad the thread helps you some also.
kvb -- I guess in time you will find your way. Do the soul searching you need to while he's gone.
Because in his letter he told you he's never loved you.
I'd cry over that!
Where exactly is the "we?"Your posts sound like he is in and out of the house like it is a hotel and you live like ships in the night.
Why does life have to be "in spite of" shit? Can't just skip the shit? Live shit free?
And is there "we-ification" going on here? Were he takes shared credit like "we" when really X was mostly done by YOU? To me you sound like you basically single mom it over there.
It is reasonable to me to expect my spouse to date me sometimes. DH shares that expectation. We cannot always be doing the parent thing and never do couple things. Otherwise at the end of active parenting time we will find we grew apart.
If he were seeing someone else? Us not having couple time together would not be because of (him and his GF) doing things together. It would be because on HIM not making time on his calendar.
I'd be willing to make space on my calendar to spend time with DH even if I were seeing some other BF. Him not making the time on his calendar to attend to THIS side of the V because he's obsessing over GF? That's on him.
If DH told me he doesn't even love the GF he's obsessing over? Yet she gets all his time and attention? Man. That would be worse than him being in love with her and just all caught up in NRE.
What am I? Chopped liver? The maid? Just the bank roll?
I hope your weekend is restful and you feel a bit better. I guess you could decide if you want to try couple counseling again or if you are done. With regrets maybe, but just done.
I guess you could do your soul searching that you need to do.
Galagirl
GalaGirl - Yeah, I guess he did tell me he has never been in love with me. Though he was certain he was for years. I really don't know what to think of all of that honestly.
He isn't always in and out of the house, but he definitely has more "options" and freedom than I seem to, probably because I don't demand it and because he has always assumed I would be here to take care of things (because I have been) for so long, it's assumed and taken for granted at this point. Which I guess technically, is my fault.
I don't know that I believe the whole "I'm not sure I've ever been in love thing." Honestly, it almost seems, knowing him the way I do...a way to get around answering tough questions. I think he is in love with his OSO and I think he doesn't want to tell me that for a myriad of reasons.
I think he is afraid of how it will change the already ongoing dynamic in the house and will make me feel even more second tier than I already to and he doesn't want to deal with that. That's just my opinion of course but I do know the guy pretty well.
The idea that he doesn't get all "knotted belly butterflies" with her is beyond ridiculous. Of course he does, not only do I know that because I've seen exchanges between them, but WHY do it if that isn't there? Makes no sense.
I think I am going to try counseling alone first, I mentioned this in another post, but I think that will tell me if couples counseling is even a remote possibility at this point or if I need to just try to separate and start over again.
Thanks so much. You're amazing.