FallenAngelina
Well-known member
Search syntax? What you search for certainly has a bearing on the search results. Just curious what her search terms are.
Testing feelings and reactions
- Thread starter trallart
- Start date
Search syntax? What you search for certainly has a bearing on the search results. Just curious what her search terms are.
FragsNRuins
New member
When my wife and I first opened up to polyamory, I had to keep it secret at work for others' sake. There was one friend of mine that I didn't want to hide it from, though, because I was fairly close to her and I couldn't stand the thought of her thinking I was cheating on my incredible wife (as she would see me with my new GF frequently). This friend of mine was actually in a triad with her current boyfriend and his then-wife for some time and it feel apart quite dramatically.
My friend and her boyfriend were extremely worried for me and just had horror stories, probably much like the ones your wife may be reading, trallart. If I hadn't already been reading positive accounts of polyamory, or if I hadn't already seen it working in real life for some acquaintances, I may have been a little shaken.
As the weeks and months went on, I could look back on the tales of terror that my friend told me and recognize in them a lot of the common crises and missteps that people encounter in their poly lives. For various reasons, they didn't make it as a triad, but both her boyfriend and his ex-wife are in happy relationships now. Sometimes, it's not meant to be, just like any mono relationship.
Anecdotes can have an impact on first impressions and already-held prejudices. I second the recommendations from a lot of people on this board that you should encourage your wife to check out at least one positive text about polyamory if at all possible. My personal favorite so far has been http://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-practical-polyamory/dp/0991399706 which is frequently recommended on these boards. Having her check out this forum may not be a bad idea, either, just to get the point of view from many people who are enjoying polyamory.
My friend and her boyfriend were extremely worried for me and just had horror stories, probably much like the ones your wife may be reading, trallart. If I hadn't already been reading positive accounts of polyamory, or if I hadn't already seen it working in real life for some acquaintances, I may have been a little shaken.
As the weeks and months went on, I could look back on the tales of terror that my friend told me and recognize in them a lot of the common crises and missteps that people encounter in their poly lives. For various reasons, they didn't make it as a triad, but both her boyfriend and his ex-wife are in happy relationships now. Sometimes, it's not meant to be, just like any mono relationship.
Anecdotes can have an impact on first impressions and already-held prejudices. I second the recommendations from a lot of people on this board that you should encourage your wife to check out at least one positive text about polyamory if at all possible. My personal favorite so far has been http://www.amazon.com/More-Than-Two-practical-polyamory/dp/0991399706 which is frequently recommended on these boards. Having her check out this forum may not be a bad idea, either, just to get the point of view from many people who are enjoying polyamory.
GirlFromTexlahoma
New member
My husband and I were saying the other day that if we'd done a lot of Internet research before opening our relationship, we'd absolutely have chickened out 
It's not just the horror stories... It's also the attitude of "once you go poly you can never go back" that pervades the forums. And while in some ways that is true - the experience will change your relationship, it's not ok to treat other partners as disposable toys - you *can* baby step your way in. Chat with potentials online, go on coffee dates. Be honest with anyone you talk to that you are new to non-monogamy, and not ready to commit to anything yet. Go slow, check in with your wife, see how it feels, put on the brakes if you need to. Good luck!
It's not just the horror stories... It's also the attitude of "once you go poly you can never go back" that pervades the forums. And while in some ways that is true - the experience will change your relationship, it's not ok to treat other partners as disposable toys - you *can* baby step your way in. Chat with potentials online, go on coffee dates. Be honest with anyone you talk to that you are new to non-monogamy, and not ready to commit to anything yet. Go slow, check in with your wife, see how it feels, put on the brakes if you need to. Good luck!