The Daily Challenges and Rewards


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No real rhyme or reason for this one, just a stream of thinking. Communication with the 3 of us is going rather well. I'm learning, actually we are all learning, our styles and preferences of how we prefer to communicate via text, or voice call or vid call and how often. They have usually always made the first effort to make that call, while I'm usually the one to initiate the texts. But sometimes, my good old Anxious Attachment dialogs creep up sometimes and the feelings of doom and gloom, when there is a delay in response. I'm learning to reframe and refocus and breathe or to go for a walk or read a chapter from The Ethical Slut. My old behavior isn't easy to shake sometimes. When we talk or text, no matter how long or how much, I always seem to forget something. I feel like if I don't say everything right now, in this very second I'll never ever get the chance to say it, feel it or do it. They have both gently nudged me and reminded me we have time, and we can't possibly do all we have talked about all at once. So I need to give myself a break. This is just part of me not having had this level of response or devotion or whatever it is, to this degree.

Making plans to see them in 29 days, lol not excited at all. 😆 Vid talked last night for almost 2 hours woth both of them, they actually kept referring to themselves as the boyfriends. SMH. What do I do with that? I dunno. It's not bad, kinda good actually. Then we talk about how often we will see each other, and it becomes awkward because of the distance and because we are busy people, and oh, btw there are other people in our lives besides just us. But the assurances are all there. We are meeting the parents and the besties this trip. Next one will be the extended fam, IF, according to them, I even wanna be around them again after this first trip, which for some reason irks me when they say that. Right now I think, what could possibly happen to change my mind. Then the brain kicks in, wake the fuk up son. 😆 Anything could happen. I can't possibly plan out our entire lives despite my best efforts. Yes, that is sarcasm.

We broached the subject of being committed to this "relationship " though none of us pursued what we call it. They both told me I have a say with all of this, even the rights to decline an offer of a.hookup with someone that I don't approve of. Again, no labels of primary or secondary. Only inclusion and truth. We acknowledged that this is an amazing thing for all of us, new territory, and we take it as it comes. Apparently, I was the only one to have outside adventures this weekend so we all laughed about that. But that is and will part of the conversations and the daily lives we have. Yeah outside sex partners, mostly just pure physical release, not even any real emotions connected. Which actually makes me try to outthink if we are an Open Triad pr Closed with outside fuk buds from time to time, because the amour part is with the 3 of us. I dunno that answer. I will.