It sounds like things went well with Lumberjack and the swinger couple. A non sex date is a nice way to get a feeling of attraction before actually jumping in the sack! I hardly ever have sex on a first date. It gives the impression that sex, even a one off, is all I want. And I don't want that. I want a relationship!
In poly, we talk about a "messy person" list. Your ex sounds messy. I don't see why you'd want to get into something sexual with her, since she's married. Also, she is very very busy. Doing polyamory takes free time! I can't date people who are too busy. My last sorta bf was a newlywed, he had partial custody of his 3 kids from his former marriage, he had a full time job and sometimes a 2nd job, and his new wife has 2 kids with partial custody, and a full time job of her own. Plus he has hobbies in sports. He still seemed to want to make time for me. But then his wife got accidentally pregnant! I told him, no, I do not want you to make time for me. You're needed at home. Good grief!
Messy. Keep it platonic.
There's no rush. You're doing fine with Bunny and her Lumberjack and what may happen with the couple. It sounds like plenty on your plate for starters. Poly newbies sometimes get "kid in a candy store" syndrome. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should, or have to, eat it all.
My personal search for someone goes with great slowness. It is not that I need to meet anyone right away. I am just picky about what I want. All great things take time. I have started talking to one of my ex's. I am not sure where this one stands though because she is happily married to someone. To further complicate matters. We were dating during her one and only separation with her now husband. I am comfortable with a platonic relationship with her and she does not know that I am poly. I just need to have the talk with her about my relationship. I have been hesitating on telling her for several reasons. I do not want to put pressure on her to define something she may not even be sure about. Nor do I want the platonic relationship to end. With all that being said I am not against the idea of something more than friendship with her. I don't want her to cheat on her husband or lie to him about me. That feels very wrong. I want to do the right thing. For all parties involved. I feel as if this is what she has been doing thus far. In a perfect world she could just talk to her husband and get the okay. But that really just doesn't happen. I also highly doubt they are closet poly.
In poly, we talk about a "messy person" list. Your ex sounds messy. I don't see why you'd want to get into something sexual with her, since she's married. Also, she is very very busy. Doing polyamory takes free time! I can't date people who are too busy. My last sorta bf was a newlywed, he had partial custody of his 3 kids from his former marriage, he had a full time job and sometimes a 2nd job, and his new wife has 2 kids with partial custody, and a full time job of her own. Plus he has hobbies in sports. He still seemed to want to make time for me. But then his wife got accidentally pregnant! I told him, no, I do not want you to make time for me. You're needed at home. Good grief!
What I really want to do is sit down with her in person over coffee and explain all of this. Buuut she has three jobs, a husband, and two kids. How can I ask her to put me on her schedule when she has so much going on. Plus if her husband doesn't know yet wouldn't that further complicate things?
Messy. Keep it platonic.
On my end I have been 100% open and honest with Bunny about all of this. I am left with a hot mix of emotions about all of this. Bunny is not exactly on board with this relationship. Which makes me hesitate even more.
On a side note I have chatted with a few men so far. They are so cute and I have no idea what to say to any of them. I am still going at turtle speed on this subject.
There's no rush. You're doing fine with Bunny and her Lumberjack and what may happen with the couple. It sounds like plenty on your plate for starters. Poly newbies sometimes get "kid in a candy store" syndrome. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should, or have to, eat it all.