Phoul and I met when we were both young teens. He's been the one every since I can remember. Panda and I have known each other since toddler size. Lost connection for about 17 years. Panda and I accidentally reconnected when Phoul and Panda met on a video game called Diablo 2. Phoul decided to go meet with him and hang out, I tagged along as I wasn't feeling very well at the time. The whole way to his house from TN to NC I recall strange instances of deja vu. Once we arrive I immediately know where I am as I have lived there before, a long time ago. I tell Phoul about this and he didn't believe me. Once we meet up with Panda at his mothers house, whom I'll call Frogs, she instantly knew who I was and called me out for being her friends daughter. What started out to be a 1-day trip turned into a 2 week trip. At the end of the trip I offered Panda a place to stay in TN if ever needed, he jumped at the chance and packed his bags.
Fast forward 3 years:
Phoul and I are giving Panda a going away party, he's leaving for the Army 2 days from this day. As the night progresses and I drink more and more, Phoul suggests that I occupy Panda's time. I was baffled, I had never thought of Panda like this as it's our mutual friend and Phoul's expanded family. After a little coaxing I agree to a threesome with Phoul and Panda. Phoul gives up mid way and falls asleep. Panda and I continue. Panda broke the condom pact, I woke up Phoul to let him know and we had a huge fight. Almost ended our marriage. Looking back, I see that this is where the heartache begins.
Fast forward 6 months:
Phoul is sleeping with my best friend, I can't prove it but I can feel that somethings not right. He makes me believe that it's the pregnancy horomones kicking in.
Fast forward 3 months:
After months of suspecting infedility, I walk in on them. Devastated for finding out what I'd known all along. Phoul promises it will never happen again and she's not been heard from since. All of this 3 days before giving birth to two gorgeous boys.
Fast forward 5 months:
Phoul is at it again, the lying, the cheating. Not coming home for days at a time, drug use, physical abuse.
*This cycle repeats itself for 4 years!* <---me being stupid is what it really is. Which leads to me leaving him and going to California. I miss my kids so much! I want to come home, Phoul says he'll change so I return. We make up and all things are good for a few more months. Then it starts again and goes on for 2 more years. It doesn't stop until I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer then Cervical cancer.
It's at this time that I meet Daisy. We spend everyday together. She's my rock. Helping me through chemo and with my kids. Daisy is petite, charming, kind and a wonderful friend. Even though she's having troubles in her marriage that are un-fixable she prevails. A much stronger person than I am, because she leaves her abuser and files for divorce. Seeing her in pain is one of the hardest things I've ever had to cope with. All I can do is be supportive and love her. On the day that Daisy's divorce is final we went out for drinks with Phoul. Perhaps it was the alcohol or it could have been that we are both very attracted to one another but we start making out at the bar. PDA-HEAVY! So we leave and go back to my place. This happened, then that happened then sleep happened.
For 5 months we were so happy, NRE I know. That's when her brother committed suicide and she moved back to Illinois to help her mother and father cope. I wish she would have stayed, she needed help coping too. We broke up on good terms and agreed to try again when things are better.
Phoul has slowly but surely earned my trust back. He's stepped up and is everything I could ever ask for. I suggest a poly relationship to him one night and take him completely by surprise. He's afraid that it's a trick question and he's going to die if he answers incorrectly. For a couple of weeks we discuss the possibility of becoming a poly couple. He's afraid I'll find someone better and doesn't think he can handle me with another person. After overcoming these fears, 9 months later we move forward with our intentions of becoming a poly-couple.
Panda and I discuss the possibility of being in a relationship together. He's ecstatic over this, having feelings for me for quite some time. Bookworm is not allowed to know, I do not like this personally and should probably discontinue this relationship but I can't seem to do so. I have very strong feelings for this man that's become my secondary. I'm very happy around him, I like the way the three of us can hang out and be besties (Phoul, Panda and I).
Fast forward 1 year:
Phoul has still been unable to find someone. Not even a romantic encounter. This is starting to cause some animosity on his part. I've been on 2 dates and have standing relationship with Panda. His feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy and lack of desire are starting to take a toll on our relationship. We discuss these concerns and agree to talk to a professional about depression. The only kind of "D" that I prefer not to have in my life. (hahahaha)
It's been 1 year since Phoul started taking his medication, he's much better now. He still has some doubts about himself but I reassure him everyday of how much I love and want to be with him. So far so good.
Daisy has returned! She's back in my life. Things are not the same as they were, she was and is majorly depressed over her brothers death. Sadly she turned to illicit substances to cope with the pain. After reconnecting and finding all of this out, we approach the subject of cleaning up her life and she begs for help getting this done. This is something Daisy can not be alone for. Phoul and I discuss this and we ask her to move in with us so that we can help her through this very difficult time. 3 days later she moves in.
It's been 1 week since she moved in. Phoul, Daisy and I are doing well with the living situation. She shares our bed and loves to snuggle. I can tell that coping with her addiction is very hard. She doesn't want to show it but it's there.
This is where I'm at in my life. Happily married and best friends with an amazing woman who needs a little guidance along the way.
Fast forward 3 years:
Phoul and I are giving Panda a going away party, he's leaving for the Army 2 days from this day. As the night progresses and I drink more and more, Phoul suggests that I occupy Panda's time. I was baffled, I had never thought of Panda like this as it's our mutual friend and Phoul's expanded family. After a little coaxing I agree to a threesome with Phoul and Panda. Phoul gives up mid way and falls asleep. Panda and I continue. Panda broke the condom pact, I woke up Phoul to let him know and we had a huge fight. Almost ended our marriage. Looking back, I see that this is where the heartache begins.
Fast forward 6 months:
Phoul is sleeping with my best friend, I can't prove it but I can feel that somethings not right. He makes me believe that it's the pregnancy horomones kicking in.
Fast forward 3 months:
After months of suspecting infedility, I walk in on them. Devastated for finding out what I'd known all along. Phoul promises it will never happen again and she's not been heard from since. All of this 3 days before giving birth to two gorgeous boys.
Fast forward 5 months:
Phoul is at it again, the lying, the cheating. Not coming home for days at a time, drug use, physical abuse.
*This cycle repeats itself for 4 years!* <---me being stupid is what it really is. Which leads to me leaving him and going to California. I miss my kids so much! I want to come home, Phoul says he'll change so I return. We make up and all things are good for a few more months. Then it starts again and goes on for 2 more years. It doesn't stop until I was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer then Cervical cancer.
It's at this time that I meet Daisy. We spend everyday together. She's my rock. Helping me through chemo and with my kids. Daisy is petite, charming, kind and a wonderful friend. Even though she's having troubles in her marriage that are un-fixable she prevails. A much stronger person than I am, because she leaves her abuser and files for divorce. Seeing her in pain is one of the hardest things I've ever had to cope with. All I can do is be supportive and love her. On the day that Daisy's divorce is final we went out for drinks with Phoul. Perhaps it was the alcohol or it could have been that we are both very attracted to one another but we start making out at the bar. PDA-HEAVY! So we leave and go back to my place. This happened, then that happened then sleep happened.
For 5 months we were so happy, NRE I know. That's when her brother committed suicide and she moved back to Illinois to help her mother and father cope. I wish she would have stayed, she needed help coping too. We broke up on good terms and agreed to try again when things are better.
Phoul has slowly but surely earned my trust back. He's stepped up and is everything I could ever ask for. I suggest a poly relationship to him one night and take him completely by surprise. He's afraid that it's a trick question and he's going to die if he answers incorrectly. For a couple of weeks we discuss the possibility of becoming a poly couple. He's afraid I'll find someone better and doesn't think he can handle me with another person. After overcoming these fears, 9 months later we move forward with our intentions of becoming a poly-couple.
Panda and I discuss the possibility of being in a relationship together. He's ecstatic over this, having feelings for me for quite some time. Bookworm is not allowed to know, I do not like this personally and should probably discontinue this relationship but I can't seem to do so. I have very strong feelings for this man that's become my secondary. I'm very happy around him, I like the way the three of us can hang out and be besties (Phoul, Panda and I).
Fast forward 1 year:
Phoul has still been unable to find someone. Not even a romantic encounter. This is starting to cause some animosity on his part. I've been on 2 dates and have standing relationship with Panda. His feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy and lack of desire are starting to take a toll on our relationship. We discuss these concerns and agree to talk to a professional about depression. The only kind of "D" that I prefer not to have in my life. (hahahaha)
It's been 1 year since Phoul started taking his medication, he's much better now. He still has some doubts about himself but I reassure him everyday of how much I love and want to be with him. So far so good.
Daisy has returned! She's back in my life. Things are not the same as they were, she was and is majorly depressed over her brothers death. Sadly she turned to illicit substances to cope with the pain. After reconnecting and finding all of this out, we approach the subject of cleaning up her life and she begs for help getting this done. This is something Daisy can not be alone for. Phoul and I discuss this and we ask her to move in with us so that we can help her through this very difficult time. 3 days later she moves in.
It's been 1 week since she moved in. Phoul, Daisy and I are doing well with the living situation. She shares our bed and loves to snuggle. I can tell that coping with her addiction is very hard. She doesn't want to show it but it's there.
This is where I'm at in my life. Happily married and best friends with an amazing woman who needs a little guidance along the way.
