I've had quite the structure-change week- three new metamours, a breakup with a primary partner, and the loss of a triad.
In one poly group (now partially defunct), it seems that the arrival of a new partner always heralds conflict and change. I might posit that this is because , as that group is largely conflict-avoidant, jealousy serves as a signal that I might have some work to do that is being put off. Also, I know for me, I spend time figuring out if people have emotional resources to deal with my questions/concerns, and tend to assume that they must if they're starting dating again. So I feel a little emboldened to bring up what's bothering me. I feel it magnifies underlying conflicts of conflicting styles, but doesn't cause them.
In the other network, conflict is embraced. The people who flock to that tend to like the complexity of deep talks, and the intimacy that results. So two more people got added, or re-added post-me, and I only feel more secure. It magnified my sense of permanent place in there, the wonder of sex, and appreciation for my partner. On the other hand, me talking about a metamour brought twinges of concern from that partner that it might interfere with our time- though overshadowed by compersion. And that too is a real concern, and the possibility of a metamour served as a magnifier for that. ( I know I' e been a magnifier for problems in the original relationship , and they see it as that- a magnifier, not a cause, for which I am much appreciative.)
So I feel in my networks, the addition of partners accelarates processes, whether that is towards the end of the relationship , or towards growth. I'm amazed at the breakneck speed in which poly relationships can bloom and fail. But I'm not sure it changes the end result, just the speed.
Does anyone else find this?
In one poly group (now partially defunct), it seems that the arrival of a new partner always heralds conflict and change. I might posit that this is because , as that group is largely conflict-avoidant, jealousy serves as a signal that I might have some work to do that is being put off. Also, I know for me, I spend time figuring out if people have emotional resources to deal with my questions/concerns, and tend to assume that they must if they're starting dating again. So I feel a little emboldened to bring up what's bothering me. I feel it magnifies underlying conflicts of conflicting styles, but doesn't cause them.
In the other network, conflict is embraced. The people who flock to that tend to like the complexity of deep talks, and the intimacy that results. So two more people got added, or re-added post-me, and I only feel more secure. It magnified my sense of permanent place in there, the wonder of sex, and appreciation for my partner. On the other hand, me talking about a metamour brought twinges of concern from that partner that it might interfere with our time- though overshadowed by compersion. And that too is a real concern, and the possibility of a metamour served as a magnifier for that. ( I know I' e been a magnifier for problems in the original relationship , and they see it as that- a magnifier, not a cause, for which I am much appreciative.)
So I feel in my networks, the addition of partners accelarates processes, whether that is towards the end of the relationship , or towards growth. I'm amazed at the breakneck speed in which poly relationships can bloom and fail. But I'm not sure it changes the end result, just the speed.
Does anyone else find this?
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