opalescent
Active member
Clirkus,
Sounds like you and your girlfriend are moving along in a positive direction. Go you!
Lesbian cred: I was with my ex-wife for over a decade. I identified as a lesbian for a couple of decades. My sexuality wanders all over the spectrum. I currently identify as pansexual and have a variety of cis men and women partners. I've dated trans and gender fluid people in the past and am open to that again.
I have a few thoughts that may be helpful for you. Use what you like.
First, have you heard of lesbian sheep syndrome? Female sheep indicate their willingness to mate by standing still so the ram can mount them. However if you have two female sheep who are interested in each other, they both stand still. And nothing happens.
Women are socialized in Western culture to not be the initiators of sex, to not be the one who is doing the desiring (versus being the desired). So many women who are interested in woman have to overcome this cultural programming to actually have sex with other women. It doesn't have to be as extreme as nothing ever happening. It could be a reluctance to initiate, it could be hesitation over how to touch another woman's body, it could be distress over how to make each other feel good.
I don't necessarily think that this is occurring in your relationship. But I think anyone who is female identified and has sex with other women needs to know about it.
(For this part, feel no need to actually answer these questions. I'm throwing out suggestions that I've found useful in my own life and with my female identified partners.)
Bring out the toys! Do you have a vibrator? If you don't, I highly suggest getting one. (There is a huge variety of vibrators - several out there will likely suit you.) Use it on yourself by yourself first to see what you like. It might seem weird but it is really hot to sue a vibrator on a partner. And since many women can only come through intense vibration, it may also be a necessity!
Do you masturbate? It can be awkward but watching someone masturbate is both hot and educational. You get to literally see what turns someone on and helps them come. If you are comfortable with it, have your girlfriend watch you - or maybe have her participate in some way but the masturbation is what is driving your orgasm. Or you could both masturbate while watching each other.
If you don't masturbate, there is nothing wrong with that. However, if one is sexual, masturbation is a great way to explore what your body really likes. It doesn't have to be genitally oriented all the time either. Women are capable of pleasurable sexual response from all over the body. (Men are too but that's another story.) Individually explore what makes you hot. It might be things or people or situations that are not automatically thought of as sexual. Maybe you have some kinks? I've personally found that being kinky has helped me explore sensation, surrender, orgasm and touch in very different ways than more mainstream sexuality.
Ok, so now you are exploring what you like. Your girlfriend can also explore you with you. I'm going to suggest something a little counter-intuitive. Take orgasms off the table. When your girlfriend wants to get sexual with you, (or you with her), make the point of that time together not getting you to orgasm but that she is exploring your body and it's reactions. Tell her to touch you how she likes, wherever she likes. Have her touch lick, caress you in different ways and see how you respond. See how you react to different toys used in a variety of ways. If you happen to have an orgasm from her actions, that's awesome but a byproduct of her getting to know your body. And, even though she is relatively easier to orgasm, you can also do the same toward her. Making connection and learning responses the point of sex instead of orgasms takes the pressure off of everyone. She doesn't have to stress about how to 'get' you to come, she can just learn what you like and how you respond to various things. Sex becomes about pleasure and connection instead of 'only' about orgasms. Orgasms are awesome things. I recommend them! But the pursuit of them can sometimes actually get in the way of a rocking good time.
None of these may apply to you, or just a few. None are 'required' but just some options to explore if you like. Of course, you get to set what you are comfortable with, and what boundaries you need.
Good luck!
Sounds like you and your girlfriend are moving along in a positive direction. Go you!
Lesbian cred: I was with my ex-wife for over a decade. I identified as a lesbian for a couple of decades. My sexuality wanders all over the spectrum. I currently identify as pansexual and have a variety of cis men and women partners. I've dated trans and gender fluid people in the past and am open to that again.
I have a few thoughts that may be helpful for you. Use what you like.
First, have you heard of lesbian sheep syndrome? Female sheep indicate their willingness to mate by standing still so the ram can mount them. However if you have two female sheep who are interested in each other, they both stand still. And nothing happens.
Women are socialized in Western culture to not be the initiators of sex, to not be the one who is doing the desiring (versus being the desired). So many women who are interested in woman have to overcome this cultural programming to actually have sex with other women. It doesn't have to be as extreme as nothing ever happening. It could be a reluctance to initiate, it could be hesitation over how to touch another woman's body, it could be distress over how to make each other feel good.
I don't necessarily think that this is occurring in your relationship. But I think anyone who is female identified and has sex with other women needs to know about it.
(For this part, feel no need to actually answer these questions. I'm throwing out suggestions that I've found useful in my own life and with my female identified partners.)
Bring out the toys! Do you have a vibrator? If you don't, I highly suggest getting one. (There is a huge variety of vibrators - several out there will likely suit you.) Use it on yourself by yourself first to see what you like. It might seem weird but it is really hot to sue a vibrator on a partner. And since many women can only come through intense vibration, it may also be a necessity!
Do you masturbate? It can be awkward but watching someone masturbate is both hot and educational. You get to literally see what turns someone on and helps them come. If you are comfortable with it, have your girlfriend watch you - or maybe have her participate in some way but the masturbation is what is driving your orgasm. Or you could both masturbate while watching each other.
If you don't masturbate, there is nothing wrong with that. However, if one is sexual, masturbation is a great way to explore what your body really likes. It doesn't have to be genitally oriented all the time either. Women are capable of pleasurable sexual response from all over the body. (Men are too but that's another story.) Individually explore what makes you hot. It might be things or people or situations that are not automatically thought of as sexual. Maybe you have some kinks? I've personally found that being kinky has helped me explore sensation, surrender, orgasm and touch in very different ways than more mainstream sexuality.
Ok, so now you are exploring what you like. Your girlfriend can also explore you with you. I'm going to suggest something a little counter-intuitive. Take orgasms off the table. When your girlfriend wants to get sexual with you, (or you with her), make the point of that time together not getting you to orgasm but that she is exploring your body and it's reactions. Tell her to touch you how she likes, wherever she likes. Have her touch lick, caress you in different ways and see how you respond. See how you react to different toys used in a variety of ways. If you happen to have an orgasm from her actions, that's awesome but a byproduct of her getting to know your body. And, even though she is relatively easier to orgasm, you can also do the same toward her. Making connection and learning responses the point of sex instead of orgasms takes the pressure off of everyone. She doesn't have to stress about how to 'get' you to come, she can just learn what you like and how you respond to various things. Sex becomes about pleasure and connection instead of 'only' about orgasms. Orgasms are awesome things. I recommend them! But the pursuit of them can sometimes actually get in the way of a rocking good time.
None of these may apply to you, or just a few. None are 'required' but just some options to explore if you like. Of course, you get to set what you are comfortable with, and what boundaries you need.
Good luck!