Two for You

[BFTrick]

Hello all. It's time for my bi-annual post.

I moved with my partner to a new city a few months ago and we've been going to meetups to meet other poly people. I met some great people both friends and possible romantic partners.

The first person I was attracted to was E. Through the same group I met G. E is experienced in poly and kink friendly. G is green when it comes to poly and I'm not sure what she thinks about kink.

G has been texting my non-stop and I'm pretty sure she likes me. She's great and I would normally pursue her but I think I might get along better with E. Right now I'm really busy with my job and also finishing up my first book for the next two months. In February/March when the book madness is done I could possibly see both.

I've only been able to see each of them two or three times and I want to get to know E a bit better. If I have the time I'd love to spend some of it with G but I don't want to lead her on.

I have to be honest. It's so nice to get texts from G. It's been so long since I've felt NRE. It's just so damn exciting to see how things develop and I need to hold myself back so I don't lead her on.

I definitely could be into G but I feel like E is more likely. It's weird talking about love this way but if I have limited time I should pursue the more likely candidate right?

To make matters more complicated E&G are becoming fast friends. That makes dating both of them much more messy and unlikely.

FWIW both E&G have primaries of their own.

Any thoughts on how to handle this?

 

[laerhk]

You want to know E better. If you had time (and you know you will in Feb) you would want to get to know G better too. You enjoy her texts and don't want to lead her on. So why not just spend more effort on E and tell G exactly what you are feeling about her (like the texts. Wish you had more time to get to know her. It's possible you will in a couple months. No need to mention it's because your time is being spent with E! It doesn't matter WHY you don't have time; you're too busy right now and want to be up front about that. The end. If they talk about your relationship with each of them, it could get messy, but that is not in your control, IMO). If things with E work out and when you have more time you still want to know G better and G agrees, great. If it doesn't work with E and G is still available/interested, great. Perhaps it will not work with either one...which is also great in its own way, in the long run, since then you'll have time for *other* people!

In this situation, since they are becoming friends, it does feel like you have to choose. If you really dont want to, then there is nothing you can really do about that except be up front and tell E and G you are interested in getting to know both of them more and then put effort into seeing both knowing (and telling them) that your time is limited. I personally doubt your relationships with either one will develop faster or slower as a result. However you would have to be careful about not talking about time spent with one while with the other. That would be a no-brainer to me in any relationship structure, though.

 

[BFTrick]

Thanks laerhk,

Yeah I suppose just being honest is always the best approach. For now I'll tell G that I want to hangout but can't do it too often since I'm a bit busy for a few months. I won't see E for a while but when she get's back from her trip I'll try to hang out with her some more.

Thanks again.