sortafairytale
New member
Here is my issue. I'm just going to throw it out there and hope you guys can muddle through the mess of my mind and help.
I started a blog here a few months back, when things were rosy and bright. I had decided to let go of issues that were mine and just let the relationship with our girlfriend develop how it would. Things were good, for the most part. Drunken times led to drunken arguments, but for the most part, we were a wonderful little triad full of love love love.
Nails and I are very affectionate people. Giggles claims to be and yet, though I have reassured her a million times it's okay to kiss us, hug us, hold our hands when she wants, it just doesn't happen-- when it comes to me. She has no problem showing affection when we are with Nails. At times I don't even have to be the one to initiate it. But when we're alone, or when we are in her neck of the woods (she lives an hour away from us) It all changes.
Example: a few weeks back, there was a big event in her town. She invited both Nails and me to go. Nails pulled us both into him and kissed us both. If we would have been in our town, we would have kissed each other after that. But she actually turned her cheek to me. Hmm... okay. So I chalked it up as her not being overly comfortable on her own turf showing her bisexual side.
I didn't confront her with it right then, even though it hurt. Later in the week, I brought it up. Not accusing her of anything, I just simply said I want to know what she was and wasn't comfortable with, because I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation and I didn't want to get hurt. She said she was fine with whatever display of affection I wanted. Fine, I accepted that. But then I started to notice little things. We only kiss when I kiss her. We only touch when I touch her. We are only sexual if I start it. I started to feel very unwanted. It was almost like to have Nails, she had to have me. So, fine!
Then we went on vacation. It was beautiful. I thought this would be a time to bring us together. We were in Key West, so it was nice for the three of us to move through the streets as we wanted, with no one even looking twice. Nails decided to stay in one day and let the two of us go shopping. I tried a few times to steal kisses from her, but she wasn't having it. I tried holding her hand and within seconds she switched her shopping bag to the hand I was holding. What?
I didn't say anything. Nails has a tendency to take my side, and I didn't want to sour our vacation, so I kept my mouth shut to both of them about it. We went out that night and I made a point to keep my drinking in check. I did drink-- I just made a point to get a comfy little buzz without having my head swim around in my emotions. I can get highly emotional and it's harder to keep my mouth shut with rum in me. However, this did not stop a fight from happening.
The bar we settled into was crowded with people. Some older ladies, I'd say late 50s to early 60s, asked if they could share our table, and we obliged. Giggles and I went to dance and it was like I wasn't even there. All she could do was look around me and watch what Nails was doing with the older ladies, which was nothing but talking and watching us. I think the oldest one ruffled his hair at one point. It was all cute and innocent.
I asked Giggles what was going on, and she was like, "What is he doing?" I glanced over my shoulder and then looked back at her. I can not tell anyone to ignore how they feel. That's not right. But I didn't want a scene and I could see it brewing in her eyes. I was careful what I said. "It's okay, Giggles. He's just talking. We can go back to the table if you want."
Her reply. "Hmmphf-- watch this." That is where I draw a line. My husband and I have a very very open relationship, but I'd be the first to say if he was being out of line. I asked Giggles to please not cause a scene. Let's just say if looks could kill, I'd be dead. But she behaved herself. She walked back to the table and just hugged him and kissed his cheek. I turned my attention towards the ladies, who were all full of questions about how open-minded I was about having a girlfriend. None of them were disrespectful, only curious.
Within moments, I was being yanked away by Giggles and dragged back out to the dance floor. She said she was fine, that the old ladies were nothing for her to worry about. We danced a bit and then BAM, she started the little lookie-loo game again over my shoulder.
I asked her if she and Nails had discussed yet what she's okay with and what she isn't when it comes to attention with other ladies. She said no. So I said for her to please let it go for now and the three of us will have a conversation when we are all sober and all in our right mind. For now she was upset with him for something he didn't even know he was doing.
Her response, "Two can play at this game! Let him have his old ladies. I'll find a 20-year old." I was floored. What the hell was going on? This was a side of her I had never seen. To be honest, I didn't like it a whole lot. But she was super drunk, and I can be very very forgiving. Once again I asked her to calm down and focus on me. That we would talk to Nails together and work out what is okay and what isn't. She obliged for a few minutes, though anyone looking at us on the dance floor would have thought I was with a friend, not my girlfriend. I kept trying to snuggle into her, but she wasn't having it. I wrote it off as her being upset with him.
The music ended and I had to go to the bathroom. I noticed Nails coming towards us. I asked Giggles nicely to please wait to confront him until I was back. Do you think she listened? I have never peed so fast in my life. I was away from them less then two minutes and when I came back she was snuggled up to him, grinning from ear to ear. The moment I approached them, she said, "We talked; it's fine."
This flicked a switch in me. I was pissed. I had asked her nicely to wait mainly because I didn't want it to blow up into a fight between two drunks. But also, I'd asked her to wait because earlier in the day she and I had agreed things need to start being discussed between the three of us, not just her and me, or me and him.
I stated I was pissed and that she was now messing with the dynamic of my husband and me. Of course I get that was the wrong wording. As soon as I said it, I tried to explain what I meant, but she wasn't hearing it. She told me to fuck off and she left. I threw my hands up, ready for Nails to come to her defense, which he did. And then he was gone after her.
Feeling like a complete idiot, I tucked my tail between my legs and followed. I walked slow, thinking he'd get back to the room and be able to calm her down and get her to bed, maybe get a quickie in to settle things…
I was wrong. I forgot the gate to the damn room needed a key, so I needed to be let in. I sent Nails a message. As I approached, I heard the door to our room slam and open again and the two of them screaming at each other. Then a beer can came flying at my husband's head. I kept my cool, though in the moment I wanted to rip the woman's eyes out. (Sorry, but you do not even attempt to hurt my husband or kids, or else I go instant mother bear on your ass.)
Ugh, this has turned into a long-ass story. Sorry. I'll try to speed it up. Screaming, yelling, clothing being stuffed into luggage. Giggles was going home. I finally calmed her enough to get her to sit so we could all talk. There were a few things said, mainly by me. She said she was tired of being the third wheel. So I asked what she wanted. She didn't answer, so I asked again, "Giggles, what do you want?"
Her response floored me. "I want him!" I shouldn't have been that surprised, but to have her actually say it stung me to my core. "Well, that's not going to fucking happen, honey. So you have a choice," came flying out of my mouth before I let myself process too much. "It's either all or nothing. We said that from the beginning."
She just looked at me.
I said it again. "All or nothing!" She said, "Nothing, 'cause I don't need this drama."
That was it for me. I grabbed a blanket and a pillow and went down to the pool to lie on one of the lounge chairs. I felt like I was going to suffocate. I don't know how long I was down there. I know I started to doze before Nails showed up. He brought me up to bed and held me while I cried. We both passed out.
The next morning, we all talked. I didn't bring up what was said or how she hurt me. I just wanted to finish our vacation in peace. I made no effort to have her alone, no effort to be the one to show her affection. I just floated by, smiling through it all, and enjoying my time with Nails and my friend.
I have an odd ability to separate Giggles into two people. I can see her as my girlfriend or as my friend, as needed.
So here we are back home, back to reality, and I don't know what to do. I know I have to talk to her, but I also know I'm going to get the same sideways talking from her I always get. I'll get no real answer on how she feels or what she wants. Whatever generic thing she tries to say to smooth things over, well, I don't know if they will.
I really don't know what to do, people. I love her… Nails loves her. I just can't keep this up if this is how it's going to be. If she wants Nails, well, I can't do anything about that.
Nails has already made it very very clear that he wants no side relationship with her on his own, if she and I are not in a relationship. He isn't looking for a girlfriend for himself. He only wants a girlfriend for us.
Help… please.
I started a blog here a few months back, when things were rosy and bright. I had decided to let go of issues that were mine and just let the relationship with our girlfriend develop how it would. Things were good, for the most part. Drunken times led to drunken arguments, but for the most part, we were a wonderful little triad full of love love love.
Nails and I are very affectionate people. Giggles claims to be and yet, though I have reassured her a million times it's okay to kiss us, hug us, hold our hands when she wants, it just doesn't happen-- when it comes to me. She has no problem showing affection when we are with Nails. At times I don't even have to be the one to initiate it. But when we're alone, or when we are in her neck of the woods (she lives an hour away from us) It all changes.
Example: a few weeks back, there was a big event in her town. She invited both Nails and me to go. Nails pulled us both into him and kissed us both. If we would have been in our town, we would have kissed each other after that. But she actually turned her cheek to me. Hmm... okay. So I chalked it up as her not being overly comfortable on her own turf showing her bisexual side.
I didn't confront her with it right then, even though it hurt. Later in the week, I brought it up. Not accusing her of anything, I just simply said I want to know what she was and wasn't comfortable with, because I didn't want to put her in an awkward situation and I didn't want to get hurt. She said she was fine with whatever display of affection I wanted. Fine, I accepted that. But then I started to notice little things. We only kiss when I kiss her. We only touch when I touch her. We are only sexual if I start it. I started to feel very unwanted. It was almost like to have Nails, she had to have me. So, fine!
Then we went on vacation. It was beautiful. I thought this would be a time to bring us together. We were in Key West, so it was nice for the three of us to move through the streets as we wanted, with no one even looking twice. Nails decided to stay in one day and let the two of us go shopping. I tried a few times to steal kisses from her, but she wasn't having it. I tried holding her hand and within seconds she switched her shopping bag to the hand I was holding. What?
I didn't say anything. Nails has a tendency to take my side, and I didn't want to sour our vacation, so I kept my mouth shut to both of them about it. We went out that night and I made a point to keep my drinking in check. I did drink-- I just made a point to get a comfy little buzz without having my head swim around in my emotions. I can get highly emotional and it's harder to keep my mouth shut with rum in me. However, this did not stop a fight from happening.
The bar we settled into was crowded with people. Some older ladies, I'd say late 50s to early 60s, asked if they could share our table, and we obliged. Giggles and I went to dance and it was like I wasn't even there. All she could do was look around me and watch what Nails was doing with the older ladies, which was nothing but talking and watching us. I think the oldest one ruffled his hair at one point. It was all cute and innocent.
I asked Giggles what was going on, and she was like, "What is he doing?" I glanced over my shoulder and then looked back at her. I can not tell anyone to ignore how they feel. That's not right. But I didn't want a scene and I could see it brewing in her eyes. I was careful what I said. "It's okay, Giggles. He's just talking. We can go back to the table if you want."
Her reply. "Hmmphf-- watch this." That is where I draw a line. My husband and I have a very very open relationship, but I'd be the first to say if he was being out of line. I asked Giggles to please not cause a scene. Let's just say if looks could kill, I'd be dead. But she behaved herself. She walked back to the table and just hugged him and kissed his cheek. I turned my attention towards the ladies, who were all full of questions about how open-minded I was about having a girlfriend. None of them were disrespectful, only curious.
Within moments, I was being yanked away by Giggles and dragged back out to the dance floor. She said she was fine, that the old ladies were nothing for her to worry about. We danced a bit and then BAM, she started the little lookie-loo game again over my shoulder.
I asked her if she and Nails had discussed yet what she's okay with and what she isn't when it comes to attention with other ladies. She said no. So I said for her to please let it go for now and the three of us will have a conversation when we are all sober and all in our right mind. For now she was upset with him for something he didn't even know he was doing.
Her response, "Two can play at this game! Let him have his old ladies. I'll find a 20-year old." I was floored. What the hell was going on? This was a side of her I had never seen. To be honest, I didn't like it a whole lot. But she was super drunk, and I can be very very forgiving. Once again I asked her to calm down and focus on me. That we would talk to Nails together and work out what is okay and what isn't. She obliged for a few minutes, though anyone looking at us on the dance floor would have thought I was with a friend, not my girlfriend. I kept trying to snuggle into her, but she wasn't having it. I wrote it off as her being upset with him.
The music ended and I had to go to the bathroom. I noticed Nails coming towards us. I asked Giggles nicely to please wait to confront him until I was back. Do you think she listened? I have never peed so fast in my life. I was away from them less then two minutes and when I came back she was snuggled up to him, grinning from ear to ear. The moment I approached them, she said, "We talked; it's fine."
This flicked a switch in me. I was pissed. I had asked her nicely to wait mainly because I didn't want it to blow up into a fight between two drunks. But also, I'd asked her to wait because earlier in the day she and I had agreed things need to start being discussed between the three of us, not just her and me, or me and him.
I stated I was pissed and that she was now messing with the dynamic of my husband and me. Of course I get that was the wrong wording. As soon as I said it, I tried to explain what I meant, but she wasn't hearing it. She told me to fuck off and she left. I threw my hands up, ready for Nails to come to her defense, which he did. And then he was gone after her.
Feeling like a complete idiot, I tucked my tail between my legs and followed. I walked slow, thinking he'd get back to the room and be able to calm her down and get her to bed, maybe get a quickie in to settle things…
I was wrong. I forgot the gate to the damn room needed a key, so I needed to be let in. I sent Nails a message. As I approached, I heard the door to our room slam and open again and the two of them screaming at each other. Then a beer can came flying at my husband's head. I kept my cool, though in the moment I wanted to rip the woman's eyes out. (Sorry, but you do not even attempt to hurt my husband or kids, or else I go instant mother bear on your ass.)
Ugh, this has turned into a long-ass story. Sorry. I'll try to speed it up. Screaming, yelling, clothing being stuffed into luggage. Giggles was going home. I finally calmed her enough to get her to sit so we could all talk. There were a few things said, mainly by me. She said she was tired of being the third wheel. So I asked what she wanted. She didn't answer, so I asked again, "Giggles, what do you want?"
Her response floored me. "I want him!" I shouldn't have been that surprised, but to have her actually say it stung me to my core. "Well, that's not going to fucking happen, honey. So you have a choice," came flying out of my mouth before I let myself process too much. "It's either all or nothing. We said that from the beginning."
She just looked at me.
I said it again. "All or nothing!" She said, "Nothing, 'cause I don't need this drama."
That was it for me. I grabbed a blanket and a pillow and went down to the pool to lie on one of the lounge chairs. I felt like I was going to suffocate. I don't know how long I was down there. I know I started to doze before Nails showed up. He brought me up to bed and held me while I cried. We both passed out.
The next morning, we all talked. I didn't bring up what was said or how she hurt me. I just wanted to finish our vacation in peace. I made no effort to have her alone, no effort to be the one to show her affection. I just floated by, smiling through it all, and enjoying my time with Nails and my friend.
I have an odd ability to separate Giggles into two people. I can see her as my girlfriend or as my friend, as needed.
So here we are back home, back to reality, and I don't know what to do. I know I have to talk to her, but I also know I'm going to get the same sideways talking from her I always get. I'll get no real answer on how she feels or what she wants. Whatever generic thing she tries to say to smooth things over, well, I don't know if they will.
I really don't know what to do, people. I love her… Nails loves her. I just can't keep this up if this is how it's going to be. If she wants Nails, well, I can't do anything about that.
Nails has already made it very very clear that he wants no side relationship with her on his own, if she and I are not in a relationship. He isn't looking for a girlfriend for himself. He only wants a girlfriend for us.
Help… please.
