what do your partners kids call you?

[Kameo]

Funny about the Uncle/Aunt thing. I found out some years ago, that my grandparents were in a quad with another M/F couple when I was a kid. They spent a lot of time with us, holidays, birthdays, etc. I called them Aunt and Uncle. I think if I was in a relationship with someone or others who had kids, I'd prefer they called me by my name.

 

[ColorsWolf]

I think if I were to ever have kids as I would LOVE to do so one day, but I wouldn't mind if it never happened as I don't have any regrets, I would simply have my children refer to people by their relationship to them with their name, if my children prefer to use other names then I'm ok with that depending on the words.~ hehe!~ ^_^

Example with 4 Dads and 5 Moms: "Daddy Bliss" (Me), "Daddy Mark", "Daddy WoodBeard", "Daddy Bee", "Mommy Hen", "Mommy Crystal", "Mommy Blossum", "Mommy Dove", and "Mommy Sky".~

I see absolutely no problem or issue at all with children referring to their parents by their actual names or any kinds of names if they so choose to.~

 

[LovingRadiance]

Colors, my oldest identifies as having three moms and two dads. She calls us Mom and Dad. But if she's having a really emotional moment (like when she was in labor, and when she found out her best friend died) she changed mine to Mommy, with a lot of emphasis on the end syllable.
When she talks to people who don't know us, she will say my mom, my other mom, my other mom, my dad, my other dad, in completely random order. LOL We all take a turn at being the "other."

If she's asking someone who knows us to do something regarding us, and we're all in the same place (very rare) she will use our names. But generally, one mom and dad live in Alabama, Maca and I are here in Alaska, and the other claimed mom is my sister, who lives in Alaska, but doesn't live in our house anymore.

The youngest child chose to call Maca Daddy and she choose a name for GG. She added "ey" to the end of his given name, and added "my" to the beginning, and that is her special name for him. As he is her bio-dad and Maca is not, some people get weirded out by it. But the three of us operate on the theory that whatever fits, fits, and that is what she felt right with. *shrug*

Our godson calls the guys by their given names. But he calls me his "M'ad". His explanation when he was younger was that I am a mom and a dad to him. Again, other people tilt their heads in confusion, but it works for him, so it works for me.

My stepson called me his "2 Mommy" for years. I haven't seen him in the last 3 years. He is officially a runaway from his mother's home. But that was what he called me for a long time. And again, it was something he came up with when he was barely 2. It works.

I very much operate from the attitude that kids will think up what is comfortable and most meaningful to them, and unless it creates a major problem, who cares?

It's like pet names.
M'ebe is my name for GG.
He calls me Bebe.
Maca calls me Angel.
I call him My M.

Other people may get confused, but we don't. It works for us.

 

[ColorsWolf]

Colors, my oldest identifies as having 3 moms and 2 dads. She calls us Mom or Dad...
When she talks to people who don't know us, she will say my mom, my other mom, my other mom, my dad, my other dad, in completely random order. LOL We all take a turn at being the "other."
If she's asking someone who knows us to do something regarding us, and we're all in the same place, she will use our name. But generally one mom and dad live in Alabama, Maca and I are here in Alaska, and the other claimed mom is my sister, who lives in Alaska, but doesn't live in our house anymore.
The youngest child chose to call Maca Daddy and she choose a name for GG. She added "ey" to the end of his given name and added "my" to the beginning and that is her special name for him. As he is her bio-dad, and Maca is not, some people get weirded out by it. But the three of us operate on the theory that whatever fits, fits. And that is what she felt right with.
Our godson calls the guys by their given names. But he calls me his "M'ad". His explanation when he was younger was that I am a mom and a dad to him. Again-OTHER people tilt their heads in confusion, but it works for him, so it works for me.
My stepson called me his "2 mommy" for years. I haven't seen him in the last 3, he is officially a runaway from his mothers home. BUT-that was what he called me for a long time. Again, that was something he came up with when he was barely 2.
I very much operate from the attitude that kids will think up what is comfortable and most meaningful to them and unless it creates a MAJOR problem-who cares?
It's like pet names.
M'ebe is my name for GG.
He calls me Bebe.
Maca calls me Angel.
I call him My M.
Other people may get confused. But we don't. It works for us.

That's exactly what I mean. I 100% agree with you. I just would use my preferences for names for my children if they didn't know or were confused by what to call us and they welcomed some suggestions.

However, I don't want to do what many outsiders may do, such as belittle our relationships to our children based upon biological physical connectivity.

I very much welcome the idea of having a "village" (made up of lovers) to help raise our children together. I find the idea wonderful and beautiful! ^_^

 

[Piroska]

A note on the "aunt" and "uncle" terminology. I agree it sounds odd in English, because it's usually reserved for persons who are either siblings of one's parents, people like unto siblings to one's parents, or people who play a similar role in one's life (like godparents or something). So it seems very odd (almost incestuous) to call someone who would be a lover to one's parent the same thing as you would call a sibling to that parent.

But it could be a cultural difference. In Hungarian, for example, all persons of a generation or more older (i.e., if they're old enough to be your parents, or older) you refer to that person as "néni" or "bácsi", which effectively translates to "aunt" or "uncle". The words for Sir or Mr, or for Madam or Mrs ("uram" or "asszonyom", which more literally translate to "my lord" and "my lady") are much more formal and distant. You'd use them if you didn't know someone, or if someone was very elderly, but rarely for friends or family. Even teachers or other community persons would more likely be called néni or bácsi. So if I were in Hungary (or one of our lovers was in the Hungarian community, where the kids would already be used to calling them this) I would have no problem referring to, for example, my (ex)girlfriend J as "J-néni, or Morp as "Morp-bácsi"; indeed, prefer it. Theses sort of cultural artifacts may persist in English (from Hungarian, or any other language that may use them this way), even a couple generations down, which may explain why some people still use "aunt" and "uncle" even though in English it doesn't make sense.

But in English it doesn't make sense. So we're probably going to go with the majority and introduce by name only, when Morp and I meet each others' kids.

 

[PolyinPractice]

I prefer a partner's kids to call me by my real name. I mean, as far as they know, I'm just a friend of their parents. You start making your kid call them "Aunt" or "Uncle," and suddenly, the kids are like, "Why is that person special? Why is that person "Aunt" and that person not? I know they're not my real relative." I don't want to end up in a situation where the kids are used to that being code for "girlfriend" or "boyfriend," and then I come in, and it's like, "Oh, right, you're the woman sleeping with my dad. Got it." Ick.

 

[Tonberry]

I prefer a partner's kids to call me by my real name. I mean, as far as they know, I'm just a friend of their parents. You start making your kid call them "Aunt" or "Uncle," and suddenly, the kids are like, "Why is that person special? Why is that person "Aunt" and that person not? I know they're not my real relative." I so don't want to end up in a situation where the kids are used to that being code for "girlfriend" or "boyfriend," and then I come in and it's like, "Oh, right, you're the woman sleeping with my dad. Got it." Ick.

I find that interesting. I wouldn't want the kids not to know the relationship I have with their dad. I don't think people generally think of their mothers or stepmothers as "That woman who sleeps with my dad." They do know the person has a relationship with their father, and they do know, I imagine, that sex is involved, but the name they used is based on the relationship between the kids and that person, not their parent and that person.

So I can imagine going by my first name and being considered a family friend if I had zero involvement, but the kind of relationship I would prefer would pretty much put me in the middle, either raising the kids, or at least living with them, and being around as some sort of parental figure, for homework or whatever.

The kids would get to decide what kind of role I played in their lives, especially if I hadn't known them since birth. But if we lived together, and I'm an adult and they're a kid, I expect to have some authority over them.

So my thoughts are that you probably are interested in different kinds of relationships than I am.

 

[LovingRadiance]

I think it's silly to make a child call anyone by something specific. However, if they choose it, that is different. We didn't tell our kids what terms to use. But 4 of the 5 chose "uncle" for GG, which was totally ok.

They know we have a relationship and that it's romantic. They see us hug and kiss and hold hands. The older ones are well aware we have sex. It's not a secret. It's not shoved in their faces either. But they aren't ignorant.

It would be crazy for us to think they don't know that he's not "just a friend of our parents". He isn't just a friend. He's a life partner. So of course they know that. He is also someone they can count on as family. Not just a neighbor or friend, but family. So not letting them know that would be taking away from their opportunity to make use of the value of that level of security and trust.

 

[london]

My kid would call my partner by their name. He has a dad. He wouldn't choose to call someone new, Dad. Or Mum. Jesus. Also, everyone has the right to enforce and reiterate their boundaries, sure, but moving in with me and my son would never mean you have authority over him at all. Sure, ask him to be quiet when he's too loud, but you don't have authority over him. Needing authority over other people's children is a red flag for me. There is a difference between expecting respect and needing authority.

 

[Bluebird]

By name.

 

[ColorsWolf]

I don't like the concept of "having authority" over children as if they were little slaves that had no minds or thoughts of their own and needed to be commanded in order to function.~ This is why I reject the way many humans treat their "pets".

I see all creatures, whether they are human or not, as freely-thinking functioning individuals capable of making their own decisions and choosing how to live their own lives, regardless of what anyone else may think. I understand the want to protect them, but be careful "protection" doesn't go too far and become "control." Sometimes they may want help and guidance, and other times you may feel like giving it to them, even if they don't
want your help or guidance. For the last part, it is up to you to do this or not.

Personally, I wouldn't like anyone who is not actually an uncle or aunt to be called one by my children, or anyone's children, if we are connected in a parenting sort of way to the children, and/or to each other, as in a lovers sort of way, as I would find that very weird because of the way I grew up knowing and using those words.

I actually have nothing against those who choose to marry or have a romantic relationship with their siblings. But that's not the point. The point is I find the use or "Uncle" and "Aunt" used in this way to be demeaning to all of our relationships to each other.

 

[PolyinPractice]

I find that interesting. I wouldn't want the kids not to know the relationship I have with their dad.

The type of relationship you're describing seems to be a live-in one, and I'm assuming you put in equal time with the children, though I know few mothers willing to give up that kind of time to another woman.

I prefer one in which I'm something in between, not a mother, not an aunt, not a stranger. Also, I don't like living-in for myself. I want my own space.

I'd rather keep myself as "friend of the family," which kids understand and are comfortable with, than some weird "aunt" role, which they don't understand, and might be interpreted as "new mother." That's probably paranoid, but unless my change dramatically simplifies, I don't want that as another hassle to deal with.

 

[ColorsWolf]

The type of relationship you're describing seems to be a live-in one, and I'm assuming you put in equal time with the children, though I know few mothers willing to give up that kind of time to another woman. I prefer one in which I'm something in between, not a mother, not an aunt, not a stranger. Also, I don't like living-in for myself. I want my own space.

I'd rather keep myself as "friend of the family," which kids understand and are comfortable with, than some weird "aunt" role, which they don't understand, and might be interpreted as "new mother." That's probably paranoid, but unless my change dramatically simplifies, I don't want that as another hassle to deal with.

Just because you may be "considered" a "mother" by the children doesn't mean you have to be or do anything.

Despite what others may tell you, there is no one definition of being a parent, let alone a mother.

Besides if they have enough mothers or parents already (it varies), then it shouldn't be a problem if you express your "non-desire" to be a more "duty-bound" person just because you're involved with their lives, and if that is going to be a problem, well, it's up to you what do with that.

Lying to the children, or anyone, is just being deceitful, and makes it seem like you are "ashamed" of your relationships. At least that's the way it seems to me.

Besides, children are much more clever than you may think and they will figure it out eventually, but like I said that doesn't mean they're going to automatically consider you their new mother. They're more likely going to see you as they have always seen you.

What you are and what you do as a parent or "connected via family" is more up to you rather than up the children involved, yes they control how they see you but that can change depending on how you control what you do or don't do.

Being a parent, or a person involved in some way in children's lives, IS NOT ABOUT SLAVERY FOR EITHER OF YOU, it's a MUTUAL AGREED RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN THE BOTH OF YOU!

I'm not advocating one parenting style over another, I'm just saying there is no one way to be a parent.

Great luck! ^_^

 

[PolyinPractice]

Lying to the children, or anyone, is just being deceitful. It makes it seem like you are "ashamed" of your relationships, imo.

Besides, children are much more clever than you may think and they will figure it out eventually, but like I said, that doesn't mean they're going to automatically consider you their new mother, they're more likely going to see you as they have always seen you.

Of course they'll figure it out, probably quicker than adults. But there's "deceiving" and there's "oversharing." Did your parents tell you about their sex lives?

I would prefer to just let the children know, by actions, what they can and can't count on me for, and leave it at that.

But as for names? Just my own name. No silliness of nicknames or "aunt."

 

[ColorsWolf]

Of course they'll figure it out, probably quicker than adults. But there's "deceiving" and there's "oversharing." Did your parents tell you about their sex lives?

I would prefer to just let the children know, by actions, what they can and can't count on me for, and leave it at that.

But as for names, just my own name, no silliness of nicknames or "aunt."

I feel sorry for you and for many others who still suffer from this meaningless unnatural self-destructive-causing concept of shame.

What do my parent's sex lives have to with anything?

By the way, yes they did. Although it was their choice to wait until we were well into our 20s to start casually mentioning their sex lives. But that DOES NOT MEAN EVERYONE SHOULD DO THIS. THE POINT IS NO ONE HAS TO PARENT A CERTAIN WAY. AND JUST BECAUSE YOU MAY NOT AGREE WITH SOMEONE'S PARENTING STYLE DOES NOT MEAN THEY HAVE TO JUSTIFY IT IN ANY WAY WHATSOEVER TO YOU, OR TO ANYONE.

I'm glad that you seem to have gotten most of the point I was trying to make, with the exception of the seemingly thinly-veiled attack directed at me.