What words do you use - lover, partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, something else?

On the subject of women who refer to themselves as "girls" in a non-joking-way:

Sorry, I just find fully grown adults who refer to themselves as pre-pubescent versions of themselves or as "girls" or "boys" in a non-joking-way to be unappealing.~

It just seems to me that they are afraid to call themselves women as the might feel they would have to do everything they think of what it means to be an "adult".~

Perhaps they are afraid of so-called "responsibility of being an adult", but if they do then they must not realize being an adult doesn't mean you have to be responsible as I have seen as many irresponsible adults as there are responsible adults.~

Perhaps they are afraid of growing older and conversing with many upon this subject, I found this to often be true: they believe it gives them a more "youthful" appearance instead of the reality in the language they use as more likely appearing "immature" at least to those like myself who actually understand the meaning of the English language.~
 
On the subject of the word "lover":

Lover means "one who loves" who may or may not be loved in return and who may or may not be involved in a romantic relationship.~

It is a beautiful word and has a beautiful meaning that I embrace!~

I reject the making of the word "lover" as a "dirty" word alongside the implied "dirty" word of "woman".~

These are BOTH beautiful words of the English language and with all the progress in our societies you would think most people would be embracing and being PROUD of the words "lover" and "Woman"!~
 
Maybe begun and habituated in prepubescent dating.
I use all sorts of terms, depemds on who I am speaking to. Whatever will be clearest to them (their term preference).
But at home i use pet names.
 
Regarding girl vs woman I identify as both. I am
Both. There is within me the echo and existence of the girl I was at each point along my path of life AND the woman I have become. All combined. So to choose only one would be to ignore the very real existance of the other part of me.
 
ColorsWolf said:
The question is in the title.~

This is some thing that has been bothering me for awhile ever since I learned how to speak, read, and write English growing up and English is my first language as a born & raised American.~

Why use these terms of "girlfriend" and "boyfriend" when referring to "lovers"?~

Let's break it down:

"girl" means a pre-pubescent Human female who has not yet reached sexual maturity and is not yet capable of producing offspring,

"boy" means a pre-pubescent Human male who has not yet reached sexual maturity and is not yet capable of producing offspring,

"friend" means close associate or "companion",

"lover" means "one who loves" who can be involved in a relationship of a romantic nature.~
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The words "girl", "boy" and "friend" aren't the same when they are paired up with each other, e.g. "girl/boyfriend".

Girlfriend ---> a girl or young woman with whom a man is romantically involved.

Boyfriend ---> a man who is the lover of a young girl or woman.

And also consider the gender attraction or relationships involved, e.g. homosexual.

What we have to remember is that definitions are not concretely fixed or unchanging. How language is used is very important to consider. When we think about relationships, we have to think about how these words are generally used without getting too caught up in a rigid dictionary meaning. That means looking for evidence of current, popular usage, e.g. Relationship problem pages.

"How do I make myself love my husband and not my lover?"

"I ditched my husband, but my lover's still with his wife!"

"Husband hit me so hard I told him where my lover lives."

How the words are used socially is more useful in many ways than a strict definition.

Wouldn't it logically follow then that referring to one whom you love and are in a romantic relationship with as your "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" is both demeaning of their sexual maturity and their relationship to you?
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That largely depends on context, status of relationship, etc. A lot of variables, in other words. It's not automatically demeaning and if those involved don't feel it's demeaning, it isn't for them.

There are so many words we can use if we wish to, e.g. beau, swan, duck, chuck, etc. Anything can be used in a demeaning way as well. I'm aware the in America "boy" can be a highly charged, very offensive term for a man, especially towards a Black man. In the UK, it's less highly charged, but can be demeaning depending on context.

But that's not to say that "boyfriend" automatically becomes demeaning or even takes on a racist slant simply due to the "boy" part. Not that I'm aware of anyway.

I don't necessarily view "girl" as being offensive towards women, but it can also depend on context too. "Come on, girls...let's have fun!" is clearly different to "you're just a silly girl!".

How we pronounce a word and emote it is a highly relevant variable to consider. It's simply not clear cut and people will have personal feelings about whichever word we use as an example.
 
I don't like the word "lover", personally. In the contexts in which I've heard it, it seems to have an illicit or turgid meaning that I don't really want to convey when I talk about my partner.

I tend to use the word "partner" in writing, and P's name when talking to people. I'll use "boyfriend" as well, but the term grates on me, since I personally feel a bit high-schoolish using it.
 
Rain
bow
rainbow....

oat
meal
oatmeal.....

road
house
roadhouse...

house
wife
housewife...

part
time
parttime...

Sometimes each part of a joined words word keeps the original meanings.
But not always...
 
Digging the "Electric Company" flashbacks this is giving me...

Groooooovy, man... \/ (-_-) \/
 
I'm with a previous comment - I think "lover" is too much information for most people I'm talking about. Were I to say it, it'd be very much in the context of "we're lovers," as a statement of the kind of relationship we have.

I find that most people don't care. As a result, saying boyfriend and girlfriend works, when lightly talking about it. But really, these folks are my partners. Depending on how much I want to explain, I say that. But sometimes, to keep things on the low side, I just say "good friend."

They know who they are. We've just been having a debate about the word lovers in our group, anyway - are people who are lovers also nameable as lovers? or are they just, you know, making love every now and then, but not really lovers? The nuances mattered to us for a while. Now they don't. Their relationship is a lot more secure and couple-like than it was a few months ago.

In the end, I suppose it's personal.... right?
 
I don't consider the "-friend" part demeaning of the relationship at all. Friendship is the core of any healthy relationship, IMO... R. and I are best friends first and foremost, too... and friendship is a form of love, in any case.

But yes, the "girl-"/"boy-" part does sound a tad childish. Not to mention reinforcing gender role normativity, which won't get me, personally, very far to start with. So, yup, I'm not using it... but not using the word "lovers", either, as it usually evokes sexual connotations that simply aren't applicable in our case.

For us, it's "partners", or "shipmates". :)
 
pulliman said:
I'm with a previous comment - I think "lover" is too much information for most people I'm talking about. Were I to say it, it'd be very much in the context of "we're lovers," as a statement of the kind of relationship we have.

I find that most people don't care. As a result, saying boyfriend and girlfriend works, when lightly talking about it. But really, these folks are my partners. Depending on how much I want to explain, I say that. But sometimes, to keep things on the low side, I just say "good friend."

They know who they are. We've just been having a debate about the word lovers in our group, anyway - are people who are lovers also nameable as lovers? or are they just, you know, making love every now and then, but not really lovers? The nuances mattered to us for a while. Now they don't. Their relationship is a lot more secure and couple-like than it was a few months ago.

In the end, I suppose it's personal.... right?
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I wouldn't personally define having sexual intercourse as "making love" if there is not actually any "love" involved at all.~
 
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InsaneMystic said:
but not using the word "lovers", either, as it usually evokes sexual connotations that simply aren't applicable in our case.
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That's actually a personal interpretation of the word since the word "lover" could involve sexual activities or none at all as "lover" could simply be defined as "one who loves" among its' other definitions.~
 
I cringe when I hear people say "lover." I cannot put my finger on why it annoys me, though. I prefer not to use "partner" either. I think of partners in a business, so there is a disconnect and something quite impersonal for me.
 
Thank you all for sharing your opinions, it's interesting to hear all of your views on the subject and how you all choose to use words within your lives and relationships, I have learned much.~

Thank you.~ ^_^

Please all feel free to share your opinion or to continue sharing your opinions here.~
 
ColorsWolf said:
I wouldn't personally define having sexual intercourse as "making love" if there is not actually any "love" involved at all.~
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Oh, there's plenty of love. That's not the issue. It's that being lovers implies something both get nervous about - it's the first same-sex relationship for both, and they are in love, but still struggling with identity. Avoiding names can be a good way of giving space and time to arrive at a feeling of safety and comfort.
 
Sorry Nyc.
I was sitting in class pondering it and trying to think of ones off of the top of my head. Right about the time it occurred to me-my mind went blank except for "boyfriend" and "girlfriend".
Then I was like "SERIOUSLY! I can't think of anything but those two?"
LOL!
 
pulliman said:
Oh, there's plenty of love. That's not the issue. It's that being lovers implies something both get nervous about - it's the first same-sex relationship for both, and they are in love, but still struggling with identity. Avoiding names can be a good way of giving space and time to arrive at a feeling of safety and comfort.
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Ah, ok.~ I missed your point, got it now.~

"Lover" only implies what you think it implies for you, no doubt every one will have a different opinion on what certain words "imply".~

I for one think that the word "lover" is a beautiful way to refer to some one whom you are in a loving relationship with.~

There is always some one out there who will perceive a word, some one else perceives as beautiful, as an "insult" such as the word "gay" or "woman" (yes I have spoke with some people and to them even if they are a "woman" to call them a "woman" they would consider that an insult).~
 
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InsaneMystic said:
but not using the word "lovers", either, as it usually evokes sexual connotations that simply aren't applicable in our case.
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Yep, I don't use "lover" for the same reason. Although I do have sex with my husband, sex isn't an important part of any relationship for me. And I interpret a "lover" relationship as primarily sexual but not so deep emotionally (YMMV, of course), so I don't like it.

I call G my husband or partner (I usually see "partner" as "life partner" only, which is different from most poly people's usage of the term), and I call A and L my affectionate friends, special friends, or SOs. When I refer to all of them together, I say "my SOs". I really like the flexibility of "SO" because it covers all kinds of significant relationships.
 
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