When a partner is struggling because of mental health issues...

[Avoidant]

Perhaps your partner is fine with the idea of you having sex with another person....but perhaps they aren't ready to SEE you doing this. Also, what was your partner doing while you went off to have sex? Were they comfortable with lots of friends? Were they sitting alone somewhere waiting for you to be finished? Also, a sex club is not usually a place that offers showers and clean-up after sex....if your partner is uncomfortable with you having sex with someone else, how much more so that you still have all that new person's smell, etc all over you for the rest of the evening?

I'm pretty open-minded and not too jealous, but seeing a primary have sex with someone new can still be bothersome.

 

[Tinwen]

How did the follow-up talk go, Crimsonian?

Perhaps your partner is fine with the idea of you having sex with another person....but perhaps they aren't ready to SEE you doing this.

I agree there's many unexpected degrees of depth.
I've seen my partner cuddle with other people a lot of time, but mostly I had something else to focus on when it happened. Then, we did an exercise on a tantra meetup, where I was supposed to not only watch, but also say whether I agree to what's happening. Having to watch mindfully and decide where my boundaries are triggered some deep traumatizing shit. Happens.

 

[1234567]

I think these are the questions you should be asking your partner:
About
I can see this is hard on you. Is the work to make it okay doable without neglecting your needs and your own trreatmrnt or yourself? Is this degree of openness okay with you, or would adjustments be necessary to give you the space to both adjust and keep your mental health intact?

What can I do to help?

These are the questions I would ask myself:

What is the effect on me on watching my partner struggle? Can I still keep compassionately attached? Of am I going to feel responsible and resentful? If problematic—this something I can change, or is it too stretchy for me?

How do I feel about the measures my partner would like to help? Are any of them doable for long enough to help?

This is what I would be asking of the relationship: is it good for us in this time and place to be together, given both the quality of the relationship, and the mismatch that exists between my level of openness and what my partner is ready to do? Is this doable— and if so, worth it— or too stretchy?