When to disclosed mental health issues to new relationships

I have never been in a relationship with someone who did not have mental ilnesses of some kind or another.

Growing up, i thought the "normal people" were just good at faking it. I usually ask about it fairly early on. Mental illnesses will not scare me away, i just like knowing what to expect. That said, nobody has ever been completely upfront with me, which doesnt bother me. I just learn their individual quarks and learn how i can help.

Personally, i would want to know as early as possible, but it wouldnt scare me away either way.


I wish others had this approach :), it would help with decreasing the stigma
 
Hey @beautychateau, I'm curious about how you've been approaching this since your last post.

I recently realised that depression was affecting the relationship with my primary partner (she is depressed, and just about to start therapy). We've been having problems for months, and couldn't understand why. Depression came up during some conversations (another partner who is a doctor brought it up), but I don't think either of us realised the impact it was having on our relationship.

So I've been sucking up as much information as I can find, and recently joined a few forums for support. I'm eager to hear how it's been going when you share this with partners.

Hello aob,

It is great your partner will be starting therapy, maybe sometime down the road there could be a discussion about you joining a session so you can learn how to support her best while working forward in the relationship.

In terms of me, I actually took a break from dating and relationship since my self esteem and self confidence is low. In my mind, i think no one will want to be with me in a long term.

Sorry I dont have happier news.
 
My primary partner and I both suffer from mental illness. I suffer from "mood instability" (as diagnosed by a psychiatrist in a hospital), depression, and anxiety. My therapist has mentioned borderline personality disorder as well. I recently went through a 5 day hospital stay after I attempted to overdose in a fit of drunk impulsivity. The meds I had been on for over a year were stripped away from me and I was placed on totally different meds that once I got out were replaced with a single medication that I have been on in the past and seemed to work for me.

My primary partner suffers from anxiety, depression, and PTSD due to a past sexual trauma. She is also on medication.

I believe that while mental illness is important to share, it's also important for the person you are seeing to get to know you without the stigma attached first. Give it a couple of dates and see how you feel around them before you drop the mental illness label on yourself. That way they don't label you as "crazy" without getting to know you first.
 
I talk about mental health stuff pretty early. I think at least anxiety is in my dating profile, if not both anxiety and bipolar II. For me, the bottom line is that if someone has strong negative feelings about mental illnesses, I don't want to date them. So let's not waste each other's time.
 
Depends how it's presented. I've known a few people who use a disorder as a Golden Ticket, a free pass to be irresponsible. At social gatherings, it's not unusual to hear one of them say "well, I'm bipolar, you know. >tee-hee<" & maybe multiple times during the evening.

(That was a favorite phrase of one who was totally unreliable yet got all mopey when nobody'd invite her to group outings.)

So, I guess I'd be wary of someone who is so invested in her own "damage" that it's a constant conversational topic. Tell me once, & I probably get the point; repeat it, & you're saying you think I'm stupid -- NOT a great bonding strategy.

I was involved for a while with a woman who would sometimes bounce from teen silliness to a surprising degree of calm maturity. I'm kinda fearless so I asked about this, & we had a nice conversation about her disorder & how she'd gotten it under control. Certainly, she was much more relaxed, knowing that I was aware & that she didn't have to waste effort monitoring herself.

Mostly, if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Maybe someday I ought to be informed that I'm dating someone with a pacemaker, but is this relevant at the beginning?
 
Mostly, if it doesn't matter, it doesn't matter. Maybe someday I ought to be informed that I'm dating someone with a pacemaker, but is this relevant at the beginning?
So, would you say that the more something is likely to impact your time together, the earlier you need to know?
 
So, would you say that the more something is likely to impact your time together, the earlier you need to know?
Well, certainly!!

..now, all someone has to do is tell me EXACTLY how I'm supposed to determine the depth that our (theoretical) relationship would reach & how long it would last. :D

Because without that vital information, it seems to be saying that everyone ought to bring their full medical file on the second date, just in case -- obviously, they might be the next Life Partner. :rolleyes:
 
Because without that vital information, it seems to be saying that everyone ought to bring their full medical file on the second date

I assume that is tongue-in-cheek. However I would strongly urge full disclosure as soon as a relationship appears to be more than a brief encounter.

I’m finally recovering, two years later, from the aftermath of a relationship with a non-disclosed borderliner. She did not tell us that she had been hospitalised before and we only found out when a doctor confronted her in our presence.

When the situation reached serious self-harm (two operations required) and suicide threats we finally drew a line. I don’t wish this on anyone.
 
Well, that's a couple of thoughts with only tenuous connection. It's like saying "there are irresponsible & self-serving people in the world, therefore responsible people ought act responsibly." The proposition does not lead to the conclusion.
 
I have schizoaffective disorder. I disclose it on the second date. If I like them enough for a second date there may be a future and I want to know right away of its a deal breaker for them.

In my case I also worry that I may have an episode while with them and I want them to know what's happening.
 
Since my partners and I have been friends going on 5 years now, both are very well aware of my mental health issues. Both have been very supportive. If it were not for the both of them, I would not be as open as I am about my issues and learning how to deal with them. Because of them, I have learned new coping skills that definitely help. I have PTSD from childhood and military service as well as depression, anxiety and panic attacks. In fact it was my male co-primary partner who first opened the door with me to learning about my mental health issues and trying to understand how to help me.

A year ago, I would have said to wait or never disclose mental health issues. My opinion has since changed that view. I would now be totally open and honest about my mental health issues after the first few dates depending on where I see the relationship might lead.
 
I told my partners very early on (while still in the friendship stage, essentially) that I suffer from anxiety, depression and (at the time, suspected but undiagnosed) Asperger's Syndrome... now officially diagnosed... and that I'd previously been hospitalised.

They were understanding, as one suffers from depression herself and has a grown son with PTSD. And the other had ADHD and addiction issues.

I did have to reiterate the extent and nature of my issues after we'd been serious for a couple of months, as I don't think he fully realised how my social phobia would impact my ability to talk freely on phone and during video chat, travel etc.

At the time I met my partners, I was in a "good" phase and unmedicated, though this has morphed and changed over the intervening years. Without making a Broadway musical production number of it, I think the best policy is to get this stuff on the table ASAP if it's going to affect day to day functioning.
 
As you have read on here already, most people have and will come into a relationship involving mental health issues at some point in life. This means your mental state is personal, yet one which many can relate to themselves. I am glad to hear you are coming out of this depressive time you've mentioned. I think when the time is right, therapy is important to get the support you deserve. As to when to disclose, I agree that you should put your needs around support first and leave the actual diagnosis until the timing feels comfortable. Read the person's energy and see if they can handle a mature conversation on these issues, since as you mentioned, stigma can be oppressive.
 
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