Wife’s Regrets

H

Hickory

New member
5 years ago my wife and I started as swingers. That then evolved into more of a hotwife/cuckhold relationship, which I much prefer over swinging as a couple. I really don’t have an interest in other women. But I love when she enriches her life by being with other men. She has about a dozen gents that she sees. She probably sees a couple different guys a week.

Up until now, we never considered ourselves poly, but I want that to happen for her (and me). She has had sleepovers and will be visiting a lover for 3 days at his place in Florida the end of the month. She has tried to stay clear of falling in love with someone, but she had a lover last year that I believe she was falling for. I don’t want her to have regrets and I’m trying to convince her to start seeing him again and just let what happens happen.

Advice?
 
Hickory said:
5 years ago my wife and I started as swingers. That then evolved into more of a hotwife/cuckhold relationship, which I much prefer over swinging as a couple. I really don’t have an interest in other women. But I love when she enriches her life by being with other men. She has about a dozen gents that she sees. She probably sees a couple different guys a week. Up until now we never considered ourselves poly but I want that to happen for her (and me). She has had sleepovers and will be visiting a lover for 3 days at his place in Florida the end of the month. She has tried to stay clear of falling in love with someone, but she had a lover last year that I believe she was falling for. I don’t want her to have regrets and I’m trying to convince her to start seeing him again and just let what happens happen.
Advice?
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It sounds like you're already doing about the extent of what you can do regarding her reconnecting with this lover. If you're already being encouraging and upfront about your support for it, it's now on her to decide if she wants to pursue it.

It's possible your wife doesn't desire polyamory, and you could ask her why. At the end of the day, it's possible she just doesn't want it. It sounds like you're interested yourself, though. Have you found yourself recently interested in pursuing other romantic relationships? While it might seem like a small jump from your current situation, I'd recommend handling any desires you might have with care. Any transitions can be pretty significant.

Best of luck with all these things! It sounds like you're a pretty supportive partner :)
 
Hello Hickory,

I think if it were me I would give her some more autonomy to decide what she wants and needs. You want to make your wife happy, I get that, I just think in the long run she'll be happier if she chooses her own path. What you can do is support her in her choices, you can just let her know that you'll always be there for her. I hope that all makes sense.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
The great thing is she felt safe enough to tell me that she thought I was being hurt when they were together. And I was once, when they were together for the weekend, and I happened upon them. It's so liberating to know she felt safe to tell me the reason for not wanting to be with him again. I think if I can prove to her that the test is for me not to feel jealous or hurt while she is enjoying time with him, all will be ok. But of course the only way to prove it is for her to decide to see him again. She loves rock climbing with him, and she misses having a rock climbing partner, I know.
 
Do you actually realise how radical polyamory is? How much of your relationship could be changed beyond recognition?
What if she, in NRE, does (hopefully temporarily) prefer him over you? You can tell, no matter how hard she tries to compensate.
Are you ready for the full bonding and relationship development process to happen?
If their relationship progresses successfully, are you ready to drop the hierarchy? Are you ready for their relationship to progress to some sort of co-primary arrangement, where maybe she wants to spend half her time at his place?
Are you ready to do 3 (or more) people decisions instead of couple decisions on your living situation? Would you move so that she can be with her lover?
Is she ready for you to also find love someday?
Love can be nice, but once freed, impossible to rein in again. Plenty of reasons to shy away from full-on polyamory. Plenty of reasons to be cautious about change.
You need to talk way more than just "Go ahead, I can handle a bit of jealousy".
Plus, maybe her prospect isn't up for love either :)
 
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