SlowPoly
Active member
I'm too old for this (I keep hearing in the general buzz of society), but I'm hoping that the embryo inside me will stick around and become M's first child.
___
I met M when we were in high school. I loved M early and long. M tolerated my puppy dog behavior in high school, and in college we became (I guess) what people now call "friends with benefits." M moved away when I was still in college. We touched base electronically every year or two after that. Never lost the good feelings. Never lost the love and care.
I met W a couple of years (and one serious relationship) later. We eventually married, had kids, and stayed monogamous through the years. W was philosophically poly, and had navigated poly relationships without complaint. Our marriage was monogamous, but the discussion of alternatives was always easy and honest.
When I finally joined W as philosophically poly (in my 30s), I stretched my little poly wings and fell on my face. While dusting myself off, I visited M. I hadn't seen M in 15 years, but we had communicated every few months through the year of my poly exploration and newbie stumbling. M was always good for my heart and my brain. A short visit with M helped me heal, and we parted knowing we still loved each other, but might not be together again.
I regrouped with W and started feeling poly from a more secure place, without a sense of "ideal" geometries, without it meaning I *had* to have multiple partners. Dated a friend here or there, but didn't find anyone who wanted what I wanted nearly enough for us to open each other's can of worms; I've tried the "sex first, compatibility later (if ever)" model, and it doesn't really work for me.
I've learned so much.
___
I continue to have a good relationship with W, and the children we have together are a joy to us.
I can still hardly believe I get to fall asleep and wake up next to M, regularly. We have slowly (over years) evolved from long distance but perpetually "ex" lovers to present and engaged partners.
And now we have decided that we would be parents together, if nature would cooperate.
___
It's way too early to tell anyone outside of a small circle. Pregnancy loss is hard, I now know. While I feel I can tell you all from this anonymous shell, it's quite hard to imagine telling everyone I know. At some point in the coming weeks I will either need to regroup and heal from another loss, or I will embrace the outing of my semi-secret second family, as my belly swells and my kids ply the currency of the slightly scandalous story which won't surprise them, but will shock almost everyone else they know.
As we wait and see what's happening in my body, I'll journal here. About life so far. About our structure and how things work. About the challenges I see coming. About whatever's stuck in my brain today. About things you ask about, if they are things I can share.
___
I met M when we were in high school. I loved M early and long. M tolerated my puppy dog behavior in high school, and in college we became (I guess) what people now call "friends with benefits." M moved away when I was still in college. We touched base electronically every year or two after that. Never lost the good feelings. Never lost the love and care.
I met W a couple of years (and one serious relationship) later. We eventually married, had kids, and stayed monogamous through the years. W was philosophically poly, and had navigated poly relationships without complaint. Our marriage was monogamous, but the discussion of alternatives was always easy and honest.
When I finally joined W as philosophically poly (in my 30s), I stretched my little poly wings and fell on my face. While dusting myself off, I visited M. I hadn't seen M in 15 years, but we had communicated every few months through the year of my poly exploration and newbie stumbling. M was always good for my heart and my brain. A short visit with M helped me heal, and we parted knowing we still loved each other, but might not be together again.
I regrouped with W and started feeling poly from a more secure place, without a sense of "ideal" geometries, without it meaning I *had* to have multiple partners. Dated a friend here or there, but didn't find anyone who wanted what I wanted nearly enough for us to open each other's can of worms; I've tried the "sex first, compatibility later (if ever)" model, and it doesn't really work for me.
I've learned so much.
___
I continue to have a good relationship with W, and the children we have together are a joy to us.
I can still hardly believe I get to fall asleep and wake up next to M, regularly. We have slowly (over years) evolved from long distance but perpetually "ex" lovers to present and engaged partners.
And now we have decided that we would be parents together, if nature would cooperate.
___
It's way too early to tell anyone outside of a small circle. Pregnancy loss is hard, I now know. While I feel I can tell you all from this anonymous shell, it's quite hard to imagine telling everyone I know. At some point in the coming weeks I will either need to regroup and heal from another loss, or I will embrace the outing of my semi-secret second family, as my belly swells and my kids ply the currency of the slightly scandalous story which won't surprise them, but will shock almost everyone else they know.
As we wait and see what's happening in my body, I'll journal here. About life so far. About our structure and how things work. About the challenges I see coming. About whatever's stuck in my brain today. About things you ask about, if they are things I can share.