cagedbutterfly
New member
Where do I begin? I discovered at a very young age that I was attracted strongly to girls. I never gravitated toward the male gender at all, and I was told that I was some what of a "man-hater" throughout my adolescent years and into early adulthood.
In some ways, I was attracted to men, but found the need to suppress that in order to please my female partners. I was a "lesbian," but being somewhat "lipstick," and carrying a handbag, always seemed to be mocked by the crowd I was in. So even thinking outwardly that I was bisexual was something that just couldn't be dealt with.
In 2006 my mother died of cancer. I went through a very hard time struggling with depression and anxiety. I dealt with this largely on my own, but also eventually sort treatment from my doctor, and with the help of a psychologist I was able to get back on my feet.
On 30/01/08 I was having an ordinary crappy day at work. I was sick, and spent most of my lunch break sleeping in my car. Unfortunately, working for a company that was heavily based around sales and customer service, I was told that in order to be considered for any promotions in the future, I would have to attend a work function later that night and a dinner with all of our sales reps.
I had never met most of these guys. They seemed nice enough. But again, being a "lesbian," I wasn't really interested in them. Later in the afternoon, I noticed a guy walk in, in a shirt and tie, looking very nice. Five minutes later I saw that he'd removed his tie, and had his shirt unbuttoned, exposing his chest hair. I turned back and thought to myself "What a wanker," then he turned around and I saw his bum and thought "Damn, nice ass."
I was surprised because, although I admired the male form, I didn't look at men and think, "Yeah I'd tap that," because I didn't want to!
So I went home, perked myself up and then headed to the dinner. I got stuck at a table with people who didn't like me very much. I was much much younger and am known to be out there and opinionated.
My only escape was my nasty smoking habit. So, standing outside this restaurant, I was just about to light my smoke, when in front of me pops "R," also known as the guy with the nice butt from earlier in the day.
I was generally suspicious of good-looking people being nice, honestly, I blame my age then (20). But I said sure. I expected him to light his smoke and be on his way. Well, he stayed, and for once in my life, meeting a strange man, I had an open and easy conversation. When it ended, I thought to myself, "Gee, he's a nice guy, that's surprising."
Over the next few weeks and then months I found myself wanting to talk to him more and more. I would answer calls in my customer service job (even though it wasn't my responsibility) just to get to talk to him, and after a few months, we exchanged emails and personal phone numbers.
R always had a "housemate" who, from better judgement, I knew was his girlfriend or partner. Whether or not he could admit it to himself, if someone lives in your house, cooks your dinner, washes your clothes and supports you, that's your girlfriend!
Our friendship progressed nicely and we began to share details of our current lives, and our past history.
R was taken, and generally quite emotionally unavailable. I knew he had feelings for me and I for him, but I had no intention of actioning anything, and neither did he. Although we talked about "what ifs," there was no planning. I didn't encourage him to leave his partner. I wasn't negative about their relationship.
18 months later, R's partner left him when he had gone away for a few days for work. He was depressed and in a downward spiral after this happened. He didn't want to accept this relationship was over, and he didn't want to accept that it was his fault. I won't go into details, because that is their story, not mine.
At the same time, I was not in a great place.. I had struggled with depression again, on and off. I worried that R would end his life, or drink himself into a place he couldn't come out of. He was being extremely negative and self destructive and it was something I couldn't handle. So I walked away.
For 5 months, I avoided contract with him at work completely, to both of our detriments, because we did good things together.
At the same time, I continued a friendship with someone who was close to him, so I knew he was doing better and that made me happy.
In February of 2010, I started to get into a better place and decided I would be ready to talk to R again. I was worried what we once had, which was an amazing working dynamic and friendship, would be gone. To my surprise, when we started talking again, it was like nothing had happened.
In the same week we started talking again, R met W, and they started to build a relationship. I will not excuse what R did during this time, and the 12 months following, because I still don't agree with it.
R & W's relationship continued to foster. I was always aware of her existence in his life and knew that they had a relationship. R has never had an exclusive relationship with anyone besides his wife, the mother of his 2 kids, and that was many years before.
I assumed, and rightly so, that their relationship was not 100% serious, and that she was aware that I held a place in his heart.
In June of 2010, after months of back and forth, R decided to fly down to see me. It was only a 24-hour trip, but it was amazing. I will say honestly, even looking back, it was still one of the best days of my life.
My relationship with R continued to grow, but, for me, it was nothing serious. I knew about W and I knew that there would also be other women in the picture.
We did spend time together, and although the trips were not frequent, I didn't suspect that this had anything other to do with that he was busy. I loved him, he loved me, we were enjoying each other, and not looking too far into the future.
In Feb of 2011, R resigned from the company we worked at. The next day he was feeling down, and I talked to him for almost an hour on the phone.
R's interest in me outside of work hours was then questioned by W, who was there at the time. R then proceeded to confess to W not only that we'd slept together, but that he was in love with me.
This didn't go down well, to say the least. I don't blame W for being upset at all. R used the defense of "We never discussed the boundaries of our relationship, so it wasn't cheating." Call it what you will, I felt like a damn whore.
W left him, but was back within 24 hours and wanting to try and make it work. I guess she underestimated our connection and thought we could end, but all these months later I am sitting in the office next to him.
Our poly relationship then began. R and I realised that we didn't want to give up on what we had, and that we wanted to see what it could be.
In some ways, I was attracted to men, but found the need to suppress that in order to please my female partners. I was a "lesbian," but being somewhat "lipstick," and carrying a handbag, always seemed to be mocked by the crowd I was in. So even thinking outwardly that I was bisexual was something that just couldn't be dealt with.
In 2006 my mother died of cancer. I went through a very hard time struggling with depression and anxiety. I dealt with this largely on my own, but also eventually sort treatment from my doctor, and with the help of a psychologist I was able to get back on my feet.
On 30/01/08 I was having an ordinary crappy day at work. I was sick, and spent most of my lunch break sleeping in my car. Unfortunately, working for a company that was heavily based around sales and customer service, I was told that in order to be considered for any promotions in the future, I would have to attend a work function later that night and a dinner with all of our sales reps.
I had never met most of these guys. They seemed nice enough. But again, being a "lesbian," I wasn't really interested in them. Later in the afternoon, I noticed a guy walk in, in a shirt and tie, looking very nice. Five minutes later I saw that he'd removed his tie, and had his shirt unbuttoned, exposing his chest hair. I turned back and thought to myself "What a wanker," then he turned around and I saw his bum and thought "Damn, nice ass."
I was surprised because, although I admired the male form, I didn't look at men and think, "Yeah I'd tap that," because I didn't want to!
So I went home, perked myself up and then headed to the dinner. I got stuck at a table with people who didn't like me very much. I was much much younger and am known to be out there and opinionated.
My only escape was my nasty smoking habit. So, standing outside this restaurant, I was just about to light my smoke, when in front of me pops "R," also known as the guy with the nice butt from earlier in the day.
I was generally suspicious of good-looking people being nice, honestly, I blame my age then (20). But I said sure. I expected him to light his smoke and be on his way. Well, he stayed, and for once in my life, meeting a strange man, I had an open and easy conversation. When it ended, I thought to myself, "Gee, he's a nice guy, that's surprising."
Over the next few weeks and then months I found myself wanting to talk to him more and more. I would answer calls in my customer service job (even though it wasn't my responsibility) just to get to talk to him, and after a few months, we exchanged emails and personal phone numbers.
R always had a "housemate" who, from better judgement, I knew was his girlfriend or partner. Whether or not he could admit it to himself, if someone lives in your house, cooks your dinner, washes your clothes and supports you, that's your girlfriend!
Our friendship progressed nicely and we began to share details of our current lives, and our past history.
R was taken, and generally quite emotionally unavailable. I knew he had feelings for me and I for him, but I had no intention of actioning anything, and neither did he. Although we talked about "what ifs," there was no planning. I didn't encourage him to leave his partner. I wasn't negative about their relationship.
18 months later, R's partner left him when he had gone away for a few days for work. He was depressed and in a downward spiral after this happened. He didn't want to accept this relationship was over, and he didn't want to accept that it was his fault. I won't go into details, because that is their story, not mine.
At the same time, I was not in a great place.. I had struggled with depression again, on and off. I worried that R would end his life, or drink himself into a place he couldn't come out of. He was being extremely negative and self destructive and it was something I couldn't handle. So I walked away.
For 5 months, I avoided contract with him at work completely, to both of our detriments, because we did good things together.
At the same time, I continued a friendship with someone who was close to him, so I knew he was doing better and that made me happy.
In February of 2010, I started to get into a better place and decided I would be ready to talk to R again. I was worried what we once had, which was an amazing working dynamic and friendship, would be gone. To my surprise, when we started talking again, it was like nothing had happened.
In the same week we started talking again, R met W, and they started to build a relationship. I will not excuse what R did during this time, and the 12 months following, because I still don't agree with it.
R & W's relationship continued to foster. I was always aware of her existence in his life and knew that they had a relationship. R has never had an exclusive relationship with anyone besides his wife, the mother of his 2 kids, and that was many years before.
I assumed, and rightly so, that their relationship was not 100% serious, and that she was aware that I held a place in his heart.
In June of 2010, after months of back and forth, R decided to fly down to see me. It was only a 24-hour trip, but it was amazing. I will say honestly, even looking back, it was still one of the best days of my life.
My relationship with R continued to grow, but, for me, it was nothing serious. I knew about W and I knew that there would also be other women in the picture.
We did spend time together, and although the trips were not frequent, I didn't suspect that this had anything other to do with that he was busy. I loved him, he loved me, we were enjoying each other, and not looking too far into the future.
In Feb of 2011, R resigned from the company we worked at. The next day he was feeling down, and I talked to him for almost an hour on the phone.
R's interest in me outside of work hours was then questioned by W, who was there at the time. R then proceeded to confess to W not only that we'd slept together, but that he was in love with me.
This didn't go down well, to say the least. I don't blame W for being upset at all. R used the defense of "We never discussed the boundaries of our relationship, so it wasn't cheating." Call it what you will, I felt like a damn whore.
W left him, but was back within 24 hours and wanting to try and make it work. I guess she underestimated our connection and thought we could end, but all these months later I am sitting in the office next to him.
Our poly relationship then began. R and I realised that we didn't want to give up on what we had, and that we wanted to see what it could be.
