A newly-awakened poly person finds success on his first date
Yesterday was Halloween, which has always been a day of new beginnings for me. Though I don't practice, Samhain/Halloween has an inexplicable spiritual significance to me. This year's was another.
This year was Alice's turn to go out for Halloween, and once I realized I could not go out with her because of childcare, I put a plan in motion to invite over to my house a woman to whom I've been attracted for about six months. I haven't spent any time with her because, honestly, I did not feel up to getting close to yet another woman to whom I'm attracted, yet couldn't express that attraction. I didn't want to deal with the sexual tension and frustration.
I was a bit nervous all Halloween day as I made plans for her visit. I bought a great bottle of wine for the evening.
First I took my child out trick-or-treating, and next went to a Halloween costume party with Alice, Jim, and our daughter at the home of some of our closest friends. When my girl got a bit tired, Alice and Jim took us home, and then they went back out. I put my child to bed, and as I was turning out her light, the doorbell rang.
The visit began better than I could have ever hoped. We both had a bottle of our favorite wine for the other to taste, and she suggested we played a game of sense to determine which wine was which, as they were both similar in taste. So we labeled two glasses apiece corresponding to each bottle with matching stickers on the bottoms of the glasses. After the first glass of each, we tried to figure out which wine was which. They were both amazingly rich red wines, yet we knew our wines when we tasted them. It was one of the most sensual moments I've spent on a first date.
I felt that I, at that moment, needed to let her know that I was attracted to her and that I was, in fact, considering this a date. I first told her how I was attracted to her. She responded with a barrage of responses and questions to which I simply responded truthfully and sincerely. We both revealed our mutual attraction. I learned she dated men younger than me, yet an intellectual connection was lacking in those relationships. Of course, she wanted to know how Alice felt and if she knew this date was taking place. I saw relief on her face when I told her that not only did Alice know, but suggested I set this up. She asked where she was at that moment, and I told her that she was out with her new boyfriend.
At first she seemed a bit reserved, and revealed that she had tried an open marriage and that it had failed. But as we talked, we inspected how it fell apart and she told me that they simply went off in different directions without each other and never made it back.
We talked about my philosophy that I seem to have always had. She agreed as I explained about how jealousy and the other dark emotions humans have in relationships can be destroyed by honesty and open communication. I explained that I still loved my wife, and knew that would never change, and that I'd be with her until the end.
She told me that she would want to talk to Alice and I told her that would indeed be a must. But she also asked me the most intimidating question:
"What will a single woman such as me get out of dating a married man like you?"
This was a question I'd almost been dreading. I knew it was coming. I had never had an answer, but one arrived instantly. I told her that I am offering an emotional and intellectual bond, along whatever manifests physically, and that I could not ask of her anything that I did not want asked of me. I also told her that, no matter what happened, I still wanted her to become a closer friend.
She agreed that our mutual attraction was quite nice to express and told me that she was both curious and excited about what could happen out of this experience, now that we'd laid down exactly where they could possibly unfold. She also told me that she was seeing someone else, though they were not an exclusive couple. She wanted to know what I thought would happen if we started something, yet she and he bonded into something exclusive. I told her that, no matter what happened, she would be free to do what she wanted, but on the condition that were open about what was happening. I reiterated that I did not believe in secrecy and deception with those close to me.
We continued to talk for a while, getting closer on the couch, and spent the rest of the night enjoying one another's company, yet not crossing any boundaries she and I both felt uncomfortable with before she talked with Alice. We made plans to see each other this Tuesday. It was a great night.
This morning I awoke to Alice wanting to talk to me. We both shared our evenings with one another. I'm so happy that she is enjoying herself and happy I'm doing the same.
As we got up to make something for brunch, I was about to text Sally to tell her that I'd had a wonderful evening, when she texted me before I hit send. I read it to find she really needed to talk to me. I quickly called instead of finishing my text and the first thing she asked was whether I was going to tell Alice about what happened last night. I told her we'd already talked about it and that Alice agreed to give her a call sometime today to talk to her.
Sally had a bit of a panic because one of her girlfriends knew we were together last night, but not the circumstances of the "date." Alice and I both alleviated that by talking to Sally today.
I spent most of my day working. When I was returning home, I called Sally to see how the rest of her day went and to tell her that I was very excited about Tuesday. She told me she enjoyed the open communication I had with her all day.
I got home, spent time with my two ladies at home and finally got to procrastinating more work at the computer. Now that I've typed this, I'm going to go back to it.
I do have a strong concern: I find myself really wanting to make sure Sally is okay with all of this, as I know I dropped a lot into her lap by inviting her over. I don't want to sound needy, but I really just want to know that she's okay and not weirded out.
